Your Campaigning Platform: What would it be?

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Dillinger, Oct 7, 2010.

  1. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

    You will notice this is NOT in the political sections. That is by design, not accident.

    I can't swing a dead cat anymore without seeing, hearing and being assaulted by a barriage of campaign promises and name calling by all the folks running for office. Quite frankly if you are dumb enough to think that someone running for a State position is going to change the economy, you got another thing coming. :rolleyes:

    As such, there will be no real solutions in this thread. No "I am going to fix immigration, no lower taxes, no deporting immigrants will be my top priority". None of that BS, which is why this isn't in the political section.

    I want your honest Campaign Platform. Something you can hang your hat on and it has to be completely pointless and achieving next to nothing in the grand scheme of things. So, pretty much like real campaigners, but with wit and charm. :D

    I'm JD and I am running on the platform that when elected the following will be mandatory:

    Pepper shakers will have holes LARGER than the salt shaker. Pepper is larger than salt. Get with the facts restaurantiers!

    In addition, no one will be allowed to "refill" ketchup bottles. If the damn thing is empty, throw it in the recycle bin and open a new one.

    In addition, Sexy Panty Monday will be mandatory. Monday needs to have SOMETHING that will make people look forward to it. :cool:

    I'm JD and I approve of this thread.
  2. canebrake

    canebrake New Member


    Free gas, food, houses, healthcare,'re serious, I thought you wanted a demon-krat list??

  3. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

    You didn't even read the first post did you? :(
  4. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

    As I look at the other candidates histories while they were in office, and hear of the lies being told that are absorbed by the unknowing, I hereby provide this as the plank for my campaign:

    I am not like them.
  5. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

    I promise to go into the office every now and then in between junkets.

    I will pad my expense account.

    I will have a Corvette as my official car and the largest SUV possible for my wife. The citizenry will pay for gas & maintenance since these are "official" vehicles.

    My wife will be paid grandly as a "consultant".

    I promise not to store my graft/bribery payments in the freezer. ;)

    I will only steal and lie as much as necessary, always maintaining and upholding the dignity of my office and fostering the appearance of propriety.

    I will wear really nice, really expensive clothes. (see "expense account" promise above)

    There's more, a veritable plethora of deliciousness and duplicity to come as I have merely scratched the surface of venality in the public sector.

    Long live the elite ruling class! As for the rest of you peasants, you don't have a clue what's good for you. I will protect you from yourselves.
  6. amoroque

    amoroque New Member

    I promise that if elected that the opening day of hunting season will be declared a federal holiday!
  7. orangello

    orangello New Member

    No New Czars! From now on, we call them agency directors. And another thing: From now on, homeless people will be solicited for the word-today-pay-today job of picking up trash from public areas and roadways; as a bonus, they are encouraged to keep any recyclables they find. Also, the Roman Coliseum will be brought back as a way to punish those convicted of cruelty to animals or children using confiscated fight dogs and "armor" made of expired hotdogs (lions for repeat offenders). Further, all airline travellers would be freed from the annoyances of the TSA screeners; airline security would involve fully nude passengers (jog some laps tubby) and tazer-equipped traytables. I have some ideas for the IRS too, but that can be a surprise mostly, but the new motto will be "close enough for government work".

    I will spare you the "chicken in every pot" play on words, but you know it doesn't involve poultry...not usually anyway.
  8. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

    If elected, I promise everything but guarantee nothing!

    I will defend the Constitution as long as it doesn't get in the way of my making 20 Million my first year in office.

    I will protect myself with armed security while denying you the right to defend yourself, your family and your property.

    I promise a livable income for everyone, working or not and I will place no further tax burden on the American public in doing this.

    Thank You for your VOTE, and remember; "Things are getting better, things are getting better every day!!"
  9. dicky0331

    dicky0331 New Member

    I Dicky0331, if elected will rid this great nation of Mondays altogether. Replacing it with teddyday, requiring all attractive ladies to wear sexy attire while out of the house! Canidate Dillinger only wants sexy panties, selling the average "Joe" short of what he deserves! Also I promise to open Ohio's deer season to include rifles to gun season, as every man needs every option to fill the freezer to it's limit!

    I am Dicky0331 and I approve this message.
  10. buckhuntr

    buckhuntr Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

    Sugar in cornbread would be a capital offense.:cool:
  11. AusLach

    AusLach Active Member

    When I am elected Prime Minister of Australia

    I shall bring the following changes into place:

    Gun laws will be changed nation-wide to reciprocate Texas' (from what I gather this US state has the best gun laws, but if I am wrong insert appropriate state here).

    Daylight saving will be introduced in Queensland so that everyone can enjoy our awesome weather.*

    *I'm not sure if you guys have daylight saving in the US, but during the warmer months the state of New South Wales winds its clocks forward one hour to finish work early and encourage people to get outside and supposedly save on power bills (Great for an afternoon walk with a shotgun after work or school though!:D)

    I second JD's Sexy Panty Monday law, and will also bring into effect Half Day Friday, to give everyone a long weekend.

    I will make it compulsory to give a courtesy wave/hello if someone lets you in in traffic, stops to let you cross the road, says hi in the street etc... I AM SO DAMN SICK OF THE CITY!:mad: Failure to do so will be punishable by deportation to New Zealand.

    Retail workers will no longer have to assume that the customer is always right (I work in a supermarket deli), and will now be able to point out said customer's stupidity; "DOES IT F@*%ING LOOK LIKE WE'VE GOT ANY MORE CHICKENS IN THE OVEN?!"

    And probably my most important policy, Australia is the driest inhabited continent on the planet, and is currently in the grip of one of the worst droughts in history. There is a major shotage of water.....

    So I will install more taps.

    This campaign is bought to you by your future Prime Minister of Australia, AusLach.
  12. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

    ^^^ LOL - That supermarket part was priceless!! I damn near spit my beverage. :D
  13. Walley

    Walley New Member

    vote for me

    If elected I will:

    Have a four-year open season on all politicians who accept money from special interest groups. No bag limit.

    Have two shoot a C.E.O. days a month. Pay a bounty of any C.E.O. who makes more a year than I do.

    Have all corporations pay a 99% tax on all their profits on products they merchandise that are made out of this country that had been made here in the past.

    Make Big Oil limit their profits to 2% over their actual costs.

    Stop all federal subsidies to corporations that have shown any profit in the past twenty years.

    Stop all importation of anything that could be made in this country.

    Limit the use of cell phones to those who actually need them. Ordering pizza would not be considered an actual need nor would causal conversation.

    Spend more money on education, medical research and upgrading this nations infrastructure than is spent on running Congress.

    Pay all elected officials one dollar a year for the time they are in office. No fat pensions.

    Have the media report the truth and quit the bullsxxt.

    If you won’t vote for me don’t vote.
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2010
  14. spittinfire

    spittinfire Active Member Supporter

    I can't post my true thoughts here.
  15. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

    This age 18/ 21/ 25 thing has gone on long enuff. You are 18? Good. That means you are a grown up. Here is your voter card, here is a beer, here is your draft card, and here is your firearm. Now go get a job.
  16. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

    I will ban OCC and the Tuttle's for 10 years.
  17. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

    What about Jesse James?
  18. spittinfire

    spittinfire Active Member Supporter

    He's a hack and always has been. The Tuttle's were worse. I imagine Tango will kick him in the junk for cheating on the highest paid actress in hollywood.
  19. silentghost

    silentghost New Member

    3 days of work. 4 days off.

    and NO Political Correctness.... If you don't like it... go to another country.
  20. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

    Hello voters.

    Dillinger would have you stand. I require only that you kneel. For I am kind.

    I require only earth and water. For I am kind.

    Currency will be gold only, and will bear my image. For I am kind.

    All nations shall bow to me, or I'll push the button. But you will be afforded the opportunity to bow, for I am kind.

    If elected, thieves will dig me a hole that stretches to the Earth's core. Murderers and sex offenders will line up at the hole. The men of my country will get in shape by learning to kick the murderers and sex offenders into the hole. For I am kind.

    Pull your f*****g pants up, or I'll kick you off a cliff. You won't be able to kick back, your pants will bind your legs.