Worldwide Alert Status *funny*

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Gatekeeper, Jul 3, 2011.

  1. Gatekeeper

    Gatekeeper New Member

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    ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011
    By John Cleese

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
    and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
    Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
    "A Bit Cross."

    The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
    supplies nearly ran out.

    Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."
    The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in
    1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
    Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have
    been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yest erday that it has raised its terror
    alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
    "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
    that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
    country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
    "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
    Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
    "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
    levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
    they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
    These beautifully designed subs have glass bottom s so the new Spanish navy
    can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
    "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I
    think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
    canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the
    final escalation level.

    John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
     
  2. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

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  3. doctherock

    doctherock New Member

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  4. buckhuntr

    buckhuntr Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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    I imagine it would take imminent nuclear conflict to actually cancel the barbie. Or maybe an actual nuclear attack on Melbourne would be required for that dire state.;)
     
  5. AusLach

    AusLach New Member

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    Melbourne?!? Meh, feel free to nuke it! :D
     
  6. buckhuntr

    buckhuntr Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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    So what would warrant cancelling the barbie? Anything?:eek:
     
  7. AusLach

    AusLach New Member

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    One thing....

    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8E0aZ387M_I&feature=related]YouTube - ‪Pub With No Beer - Slim Dusty‬‏[/ame]

    :D