working with family

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by rurak, Apr 26, 2013.

  1. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    I'm 29 and I started working for my fathers electrical business at 23. I'm fully licensed now and I work with my father almost daily. I don't work for him but with him as a seperate contractor. To anyone who is thinking of joining a family business... DON'T DO IT!!!!!! My father is frigging driving me insane and I'm kind of stuck in my job financially now!!!!! Anyone have any tricks to help with leaving work stuff at work and not bringing it home.......
     

  2. rurak

    rurak New Member

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  3. mountainman13

    mountainman13 New Member

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    That's about all I've got for you. I myself have repeatedly learned the lesson, don't work with friends or family.
     
  4. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    Yeah well as I said I'm kind of stuck
     
  5. johnr1943

    johnr1943 New Member

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    A Two Way Street

    Wow, that is a challenge to be sure. I'd start by find something to divert your attention at home. This is going to take a while - maybe a l-o-n-g while.

    The problem is really the "why" he is "driving me insane". I begin by sorting that in your mind and then begin a dialogue with him -in a neutral setting with NO distractions. This should be only the first of many such talks. Set some ground rules for them to keep it civil. It is highly you are doing something that's driving him bonkers as well.

    Both of you need to be open, honest, civil, rational, OBJECTIVE, and as calm as possible.

    In the end, work on your relationship with him and he should as well. Always, always remember he IS your father and should be accorded that respect. He a lot smarter than you may think he is at this point. Be reconciled, saying sorry to a headstone a cemetery is a lousy place to think "if only I'd have ...

    You may need an eventual job transition elsewhere. Be patient with him and yourself.

    I have felt your pain.
     
  6. eatmydust

    eatmydust New Member

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    Remember, he will be your father long after you two no longer work side-by-side. There is bound to be some tension between you now and then. Take the time to calm down between sentences when things get contentious. This is as hard or easy as YOU make it.

    I've worked with my brothers and sisters and invariably it was harder to work with my older brother than the others. I've run a business with my wife and we had very few blow ups. I've had in-laws and nieces and nephews work for me and some worked well, while directing others was like pulling my own teeth.

    You say you're "kinda stuck", you've been wise to separate from your father's employ and it is by choice that you continue to work near him. You have the freedom to choose otherwise at anytime.

    I no longer work with or employ any relatives, by choice. We all still love each other (to the best of my knowledge) and I feel for your situation. Make the best of it and try to internalize all of the experience and wisdow you can from your father while biting as much of your tongue off as you can stand.
     
  7. Rick1967

    Rick1967 Well-Known Member

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    Working with family sucks. I have fired both of my daughters, my brother and my sister. It is dificult to seperate work from family. I have no problem doing it. I guess that is obvious.
     
  8. HOSSFLY

    HOSSFLY New Member

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    Drugs help too :)
     
  9. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    Is it at all possible to get your own apartment?
     
  10. TLuker

    TLuker Active Member

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    I think for family to work together everyone has to be on the same page and want the same things. That applies to spouses and marriages as well. You can't want to build the business bigger if your father wants it to stay the same. There will be conflict. You can't want to have fun all day at work if he is only concerned about making money. You can't want to spend money if he only cares about saving it, or vice versa for all that.

    Define your goals and make sure you both want the same things. Work together on common goals and you'll be amazed at how quick you can accomplish them. Work towards different goals and there will be conflict. If you have a very strict employee/employer relationship and you don't like that then you probably need to go somewhere else (back to the common goals thing).

    And remember, he knows a lot more about the business side of things that you might not even be aware of simply because he has done it all for so much longer. I'm constantly amazed at how my view of business is changing from year to year depending on what I'm doing within a company. I'm constantly amazed at the new the new things I learn on the business and people side that I wasn't even aware of, and I've been in my field for 20 years. :)
     
  11. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    I don't live with him. I'm married with a 4 year old. I'm just realizing that the money I'm making isn't worth the frustration of working with him. Hes stubborn smokes heavily and is never wrong in his mind. Its awful .... even when he is wrong he can't admit it and calls me all the time with sim ple and stupid things that can wait
     
  12. willshoum

    willshoum New Member

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    All in the family..............

    Plant a worry tree in the front yard..........it worked for me for a while, then I sprouted wings and left the nest................;)
     
  13. notdku

    notdku Administrator Staff Member

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    Can you get your own truck and just not work with him directly?
     
  14. eatmydust

    eatmydust New Member

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    I'm thinkin' rurak's "worry tree" wouldn't last long. Something along the lines of Geo. Washington's "I can not tell a lie......."
     
  15. PanBaccha

    PanBaccha New Member

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    Not knowing the intensity of aggravation between the two of you. I have to say this much. Unemployment is not at 8% the number this White House puppet gives but at 22% nationwide. And those that are employed are not making enough in wages in this country to see them through the week. So if you are making ends meet without problems, then find another way to sublimate the stressful conditions of working with your father. See the whole picture. That's probably the challenge life is giving you. Succeed at will.
     
  16. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

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    Yes, it can be a major problem. I would surmise that you have encountered the "Powdered Butt Syndrome". It is almost impossible to accept advice or input on work, money or sex from anyone whose butt you have ever powdered and diapered.

    And at the same time, there are probably things that you do (right or wrong) that drive your dad nuts. I started working for my dad at age 13. By age 17 I was certain that I knew everything about explosives one could know. Found out that while I knew a heck of a lot more than 99.9% of all 17 yr olds, I did not know more than 99.9% of all blasters- and THAT was a revelation!

    Relationships DO change over time- but REALIZING that they change takes some folks longer to accept. To keep the social relation with your Dad, you will really need to separate the business relation.

    As far as drugs and alcohol, all they do is move the issue a few hours forward, where it has gotten worse. As far as Dad smoking- a lifetime smoker is just as addicted as someone doing drugs. (Working around explosives IS a good way to kick THAT habit)
     
  17. DFlynt

    DFlynt New Member

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    Plenty of range time...:D
     
  18. orangello

    orangello New Member

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    Get the Hell Out! The man is never wrong and calls you for crap tasks because you are still his little kid in his mind's eye. Pick your time, line up something solid, and leave on the best possible terms, but don't waste your youth slaving away for someone who probably feels like you are doing it as part of your "duty" as a son. I have worked for my father's business at different times throughout my life, during college, before grad school, etc. I can honestly say that my father is one of the best at what he does. I can also honestly say that after working in the family business with family, I will not miss my eldest and least favorite sister when she is dead; working with her has ruined an already tenuous relationship to the point neither of us would pull the other out of traffic on most days. Some days, I would almost push her into traffic mydamnself.

    In an employment situation, the best way to keep a happy and harmonious relationship is to keep obligations simple and clearly understood by all; familial obligations are rarely clear or simple or equally understood by all parties.

    Being hungry does suck; that is why you have to plan your exit very carefully.