John Raymond Gaines By Staff Reports, posted Yesterday May 23rd, 2014 It is with great sadness that the family of former Oklahoma resident John R. Gaines, aged 58 1/2, announces his unfortunate premature demise on May 18, 2014 after a courageous and valiant battle with cancer in which he actually found the cure and then lost it in a high stakes underground bingo game to Chuck Norris. He was born September 18, 1955, in El Monte, CA, to William and Delores Gaines, both somewhat unsure of his origin. John served in the United States Army and Air National Guard; then continued his indentured servitude to our country as an officer of the Sand Springs, OK Police Department. He then dedicated 30 years at American Airlines shocking himself often while changing light bulbs, capping off his career by serving as the head honcho of the Northeastern Oklahoma Labor Council laboring daily for laborers everywhere. He will be dearly missed by his beautiful daughter, Rachel; genius son, Shaun; feisty mother, Delores; and the many pretty nurses at MD Anderson Cancer Center who gave him sponge baths. The rest of his family thinks he’s alright. Viewing of him in his birthday suit will be held from 12:00-1:00pm on Saturday, May 24, 2014 at Spokane Cremation & Funeral Service in Spokane, WA. The ragtag team of vigilantes he called “family” welcome you to join them in a celebration of John’s life at the Salvation Army Chapel at 2:00pm (because frankly, it’s the cheapest somewhat churchy place that allowed the addition of a marching band to compliment the casket arrival). Condolences and unmarked bills may be sent to 714 Erica Ct. Spokane, Wa 99208. Attn: Best Dad Evah --- Sounds like a class act.