Things I Learned From Movies And TV Over The Years.....

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by IGETEVEN, Jun 27, 2010.

  1. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    * All cars blow up in a big fireball when they wreck.

    * You should ALWAYS hold a pistol sideways in your hand.

    * If you are diving or doing somersaults, you can't be shot.

    * Good guys always get wounded in the left shoulder or the leg.

    * Whores have hearts of gold.

    * A six-shot revolver can fire nine times without reloading.

    * Every Vietnam veteran has a footlocker stored somewhere with grenades, dynamite and some kind of exotic high-powered rifle in there.

    * Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people...whether they are employed or not.

    * At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

    * Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

    * Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

    * It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

    * If you are blond and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

    * Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

    * All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

    * All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

    * It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

    * Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.

    * You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    * Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

    * The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

    * A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

    * If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

    * If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

    * Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

    * Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

    * All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off and beep loudly if they are hidden.

    * A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

    * Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

    * When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

    And a few of my own:

    * You can get ANYWHERE in NYC in 10 minutes or less.

    * There is ALWAYS a parking space in front of the building/business you're going to, no matter how much traffic there is.

    * There are NO ugly Vampire chicks.

    * Commandos eat Green Berets for breakfast.

    * Every surplus store has a special/secret room in the back that has rocket launchers, radio controlled claymore mines, and crew served weapons that can be carried by a 110 lb women.

    * You can blow up a speeding car with a single 9mm round.

    * All snipers can make a head shot at a moving target, from '200 feet away or greater, with only one round.


    Jack
     
  2. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

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    Lead bullets strike sparks from cars.
     

  3. Hot Sauce NARC

    Hot Sauce NARC New Member

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    No shotguns are ever carried with one in the chamber........they must be racked followig somthing whitty
     
  4. russ

    russ New Member

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    All automatic weapons have huge muzzle flash even in broad daylight.
     
  5. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

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    If your are Superman, bullets won't hurt you, but you better duck when they throw the emptied gun at you.
     
  6. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    *Bad guys are bad shots. Even with a fully auto rifle, they always shoot right behind a running hero.

    *Full auto guns don't have any muzzle rise when fired even when fired one handed.

    *Double fisting makes everyone a better shot.
     
  7. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    *Animals such as deer and wild boar die just by jumping on them from above.

    *When sitting by a roaring fire, the slightest sound of a teeny twig snapping is audible from a long ways off.

    *When inside a house or building at night with the lights on, shadows are cast into the house from outside.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2010
  8. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    *No matter how well built a police car is, the officers driving them can't avoid wrecking into each other or making the jump the jalopy they are chasing just made.
     
  9. Hot Sauce NARC

    Hot Sauce NARC New Member

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    If you know martial arts you can easily take away the bad guys gun that's pointed at the back of your head
     
  10. zhuk

    zhuk New Member

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    No reloading necessary - all guns have everlasting mags.

    You can avoid being shot by ducking after the other guy fires.

    You can survive running across a room being sprayed with copious amounts of full-auto fire.
     
  11. canebrake

    canebrake New Member

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    Everyone in Hollywood is pretty, except Peewee Herman.
     
  12. Rick1967

    Rick1967 Well-Known Member

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    If you hold down the trigger of a full auto M16 when it is empty it goes click, click, click, click really fast.
     
  13. Gojubrian

    Gojubrian New Member

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    *There's no need to rack the slide of a shotgun, just fire rapidly about 20rds or so.

    *Guns have no recoil no matter what type

    *You need to have a good one-liner lined up before making the final kill of a bad guy

    *Anyone can jump and roll from a speeding car without risk of injury

    *Dogs will always bite you on the forearm, but they do not leave marks

    *One shot is all it takes to kill a person. Once shot they will fall completely dead and motionless
     
  14. Hot Sauce NARC

    Hot Sauce NARC New Member

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    *No one ever gets std's

    *everyone dies in a dignified position with their eyes open

    *hammer fisting someones chest and screamming Noooooooo is a necessary step in cpr
     
  15. General_lee

    General_lee New Member

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    * A round to the chest with a .45 ACP will make you do a back flip.

    * Double barrel shotguns will fire at least 6 times without reloading.

    * The average Kenworth semi truck can pop a wheelie and go through a wall of fire (James Bond in License to Kill)
     
  16. Jpyle

    Jpyle New Member

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    * speeding cars squeal around curves on dirt roads.

    * no Hollywood cars ever have rear-view mirrors and automatics routinely have a clutch.

    * a .50 caliber machine gun fired at a moving vehicle does little or no damage to the vehicle or it's occupants other than deflating the tires.

    * A mini gun can be fired from the hip and the shooter will suffer no ill effects, loss of hearing, etc
     
  17. doctherock

    doctherock New Member

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    You can hide behind a wooden wall or 55 gallon drum and bullets cant touch you.
     
  18. 2hot2handle

    2hot2handle New Member

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    If you are the main character, fear not, you will survive till the end of the movie. Rather obvious :p
     
  19. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

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    All space aliens speak English or their language is easily translated
    A good martial artist can fly
    You can defend yourself or break into anyplace using what you have in your pocket
    You can build a cannon from natural materials and a bamboo tree
    You can dodge a bullet but you have to be very fast and Korean
    You can overcome any hardship if you just try harder
    Women think guys who smoke are cool
    Drink a Martini in a Casino while wearing a Tuxedo, you'll get laid and she'll try to kill you
    A guard dog can be distracted with a squeaky toy
    The bad guy always gets killed, caught, or comes to a justifiable end
     
  20. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    *any gun shot at a tire will aways make it go flat

    *all dogs no matter the breed can take a sniff of a shirt and find the hiding guy, but they will die once they find the guy

    *women always have orgasms

    *Sweat glistens, and nobody ever smells the armpits

    *A guy with a bad back will have no trouble lifting the damsel and carrying her for miles

    *Fires in buildings and houses produce no smoke and everyone can see clearly

    *The same fires produce no heat so you can drag your friend right by burning walls and not get burned

    *A large flaming beam will fall just as you get your friend out of the burning building