The joy of growing old

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Chainfire, Oct 6, 2011.

  1. Chainfire

    Chainfire Well-Known Member Supporter

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    It is very strange and somewhat funny what happens to you as you age. In the last few years, I have cameras shoved up and down every orfice in my body. I have been picked at, prodded, poked and stuck in places you wouldn't want to think about. I have had heart stents run up my arm and into my heart, I peed blood for a week after having a camera run, well you get it. The odd thing is with age, you get used to being violated like this and begin to see humor in it.

    Yesterday, I went to see a general surgeon, who happened to also be a very nice looking middle age woman. My problem was what is called a "tag", which is a extra growth of skin that just springs out of the body in the strangest places. This particular "tag" was growing right by my rectum, like a mini-tail. A few years ago, I would have let the thing grow larger than my foot before I would have seen any doctor about it, much less a woman. But, as I said, you get used to this kind of thing.

    After this very nice woman examined me and talked to me about the options to make it go away, I gave here a line, I had been thinking about all week:

    I put on my best serious face and told her, "Doctor, there is something I am very concerned about, but I am a little shy about asking." She put on her best motherly/doctor face and told me to please ask, she would try to answer any question. I told her I was very concerned about the procedure leaving an ugly scar.

    It took everything the poor woman could do not to laugh, she was about to bust until I gave it up and beat her to it. I am a damn good poker player and thought I could keep a straight face a little longer, but I broke down.

    She was a good sport and we both had a hearty laugh.

    I will report back to you all after the procedure and let you know if she is into paybacks. :)
     
  2. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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  3. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    When asked once if I have had a testicular exam...

    I said, "if that's what you want to call it."
     
  4. fmj

    fmj Active Member

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    LOL! Nice!

    When i went in for my endoscopy/colonoscopy, (dad died @ 53 of colon cancer so i figure it prudent to endure such indignities) just before the dope hit my system I looked at the Dr. and VERY fine nurse and said, "Do me a favor?" when they looked and said "yes?" i said "PLEASE, do the endoscopy FIRST!!" :D
     
  5. JonM

    JonM Moderator

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    your lucky. i would rather have a female doctor doing all that up close and personal. just doesnt seem as gay that way... heh.
     
  6. Vikingdad

    Vikingdad New Member

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    Several years ago I filleted the back of my hand with a corn knife while clearing a pipeline trail back in in the woods and went to the ER. The triage nurse asked how it happened and I said "My wife tried to cut my pecker off but fortunately I was masturbating at the time." She was horrified for a few seconds until I told her the truth. This was not too long after John Wayne Bobbitt had his pecker cut off by his wife.
     
  7. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    Oh, mygod!!!!! :eek:
     
  8. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    My neighbor is 54 and he came to me worried yesterday right after I found this thread. He's worried because his doctor has ordered him a colonoscopy. Luckily for him, his doc is going to send him to another doctor that will put him to sleep to do it.
     
  9. Vikingdad

    Vikingdad New Member

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    :D:D:D He he!
     
  10. Chainfire

    Chainfire Well-Known Member Supporter

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    A colonoscopy is somewhat embarrassing but it is a life-saver. The way they are done now, there is no discomfort. You are, for all practical purposes asleep, even though they told me I wasn't. You don't remember anything after they hit you with the "happy juice".

    After a routine colonoscopy saved my best friend's life, I went and got mine.

    For those of you who are reaching that age, man up and go get it done. Being a wimp can cost you your life.
     
  11. 7point62

    7point62 Lifetime Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter

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    It's an exit, not an entrance.
     
  12. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    Yeah my step dad had his done when he had a hernia repair (laparoscopic) and he didn't even realize it. When I had a hernia repair about 6 months later and I was looking at the procedure information packet (where it told all the steps of the procedure) the doctor sent home with me, I told him he had one done. He didn't believe me, and had to double check his paperwork. He was disturbed.

    I wound up with a different procedure though, so I didn't get it. Not like I was really looking forward to it anyway.

    The equipment is much smaller nowadays too.
     
  13. Merhlyn

    Merhlyn New Member

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    I agree with you Chainfire. The older I get the easier it is to look past the hard to see the fun stuff.
    I've had some family/friends die of colon cancer, both old and young. I have a endoscopy every year for some problems, and a colonoscopy every 5 years.
    I have never "done drugs" but that short time, right after they give me the "happy juice"..... makes it worth the trouble.
    It's important...get it done.
     
  14. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    They give you some 'twilight drugs' through an IV. You won't remember a thing and you will be perfectly okay immediately afterwards. :)
     
  15. Ploofy

    Ploofy New Member

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    I'm now planning on dying young.
     
  16. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    don't do that, just go get a butt cam. You'll be fine.
     
  17. Ploofy

    Ploofy New Member

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    Death seems infinitely more dignified.
     
  18. fmj

    fmj Active Member

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    Yeah, your right. ask my dad how that worked out for him...Not seeing the grandson he loved more than anything NOT play football, NOT wrestle, NOT graduate or the birth of his second grandson that he would gotten an even bigger kick out of!!

    Nothing to it, go in get a needle in the arm, "come to", let out a HUGE fart, someone drives you home, sleep a few hours...SO undignified.
     
  19. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    They even give you stuff to clean you out the day before, so you don't have to worry about crapping your pants.

    My condolences.
     
  20. fmj

    fmj Active Member

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    Yep...in all honesty, the prep the day before is infinitely worse than the procedure!