Stuff State Troopers Really Said

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by CA357, Feb 9, 2011.

  1. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

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    These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

    1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

    2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

    3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

    4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

    6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on
    the ticket, huh?"

    7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that
    I'm the shift supervisor?"

    8. "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another
    ticket."

    9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey
    Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton
    candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

    11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

    12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

    13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

    14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many
    tickets as we can."

    15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone
    who can post your bail."

    AND THE WINNER IS....

    16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

    (stolen from another forum ;) )
     
  2. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

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    That's some good stuff right there :D
     

  3. FCross7

    FCross7 New Member

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    Lol. Some of those are great. I can't wait to get through the academy so I can give some of those a shot. :D

    -Fred
     
  4. Boyerracing343

    Boyerracing343 New Member Supporter

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    That is great. Got a good laugh out of these, I love the last one.
     
  5. jca1

    jca1 New Member

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    I heard one where a teenager ran past a trooper going super fast. The Trooper stopped him and said: I've been waiting for you all day" the teen said: "Sorry, I got here as fast I could" The Trooper laughed and only gave him a warning.
     
  6. mrm14

    mrm14 Active Member

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    Once back in 1981 the wife and I bought a new Monte Carlo with a V-6 in it. I was driving back from another town when it lost alot of power and it generally started running like shat. I had the gas pedal to the floor but it would only go 70 mph. Not paying attention I blew by a CHP in a 50 mph zone.

    When he pulled me over he asked if I know how fast I was going and I replied as fast as this POS could go. He too chuckled a bit and only gave me a warning.
     
  7. dnthmn2004

    dnthmn2004 New Member

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    I'm going to have to try those in three years when MA has a governor who doesn't hate state troopers.
     
  8. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

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    Funny stuff CA. My brother-in-laws partner actually used number 11 while they had a Greyhound bus stopped along the Bayshore Freeway in South San Francisco. :D
     
  9. M14sRock

    M14sRock New Member

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  10. Tomoko

    Tomoko New Member

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    I had a couple beers with the retired state trooper I bought my 5906 from. He said he thought I was a "riot" and thought I was joking when I said "I'm here to inquire about the gun you have for sale from the classifieds" he has a really cool old house. Reminded me of the Walton's.
     
  11. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

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    I liked : You can run but you'll only go to Jail tiered......:D......
     
  12. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    While leaving Onslow County NC Court House, 18 YO, new car.

    OC sheriff deputy: *Lights/blip the siren*
    Me: Sh*t, F*ck, GD, MF, SOB, F*CKF*CKF*CK
    Deputy: *standing next to my window at this point*- Are you okay?
    Me: I'm broke, because I just f*cking paid a speeding ticket!
    Deputy: SLOOOOWWWWW...... DOOOWWWWNNNN..... have a nice day.

    Coming home from work one night. Know I'm not speeding. Got pulled over anyway, turned out to be a burned License plate bulb-told to fix it... After this conversation.
    Chatham County NC deputy: Where you coming from?
    Me:Work.
    Deputy:Where's that?
    Me:Cisco systems, RTP. (Research Triangle Park)
    Deputy: Is this your truck?
    Me: Uhm, yeah?
    Deputy: you sure?
    Me: That's my name on the title and registration.
    Deputy: Are you alone in the truck? *shines light in back seat*
    Me: *looking around the cab* Uhm, yeah?
    Deputy: You sure?
    Me: You see somebody I don't? Because your really starting to freak me the hell out.
    Deputy: Why are you freaked out?
    Me: DO YOU SEE SOMEONE HIDING IN MY BACKSEAT OR F*CKING NOT? BECAUSE THERE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ANYONE BACK THERE!! IS SOMEONE THERE?!? THAT'S IT, I'M GETTING OUT!! *jump out of the truck, deputy is laughing*
    Deputy: Your plate light is out. You need to get that fixed when you get a chance. Have a nice night.
     
  13. orangello

    orangello New Member

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    Personal favorite, as i sat cuffed inside the rural sheriff's office waiting on my buddy to get there with my wallet from my truck parked at the take-out for the canoe trip, "[ONE-ARMED deputy counting on fingers as he calculates the fine] I may have to take off my shoes for this one son". (not "one-armed" like carrying one firearm, deputy was missing his right arm from his body)

    Almost crapped myself laughing right there. Best time getting caught by the law EVAR, and very professional officers seasoning a stressful situation with some humor.

    What? Like you never got pulled over in a canoe. pfft
     
  14. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    What the hell? We need a "crying while laughing" smiley!!
     
  15. dragunovsks

    dragunovsks New Member

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    I got pulled over once in new albany indiana on I265, driving the speed limit passing a slow moving big rig in the right hand lane. After telling them im armed they take both my loaded pistols along with my dl, registration, and gun permit to the cruiser. I sit there in my truck for what seems like 30 minutes. They finally come back and the "lead" officer hands me my documents then my now unloaded bersa. Then in the most serious and stern cop tone he says "I should confiscate this one!" (my 1911A1) I kinda started to worry and asked why. Then he dropped the bomb. He said "I should keep it because i like it, ill give you 350 bucks for it right now. Just follow me to my bank and i can get you cash."

    I was totally surprised, he laughed cause he had me sweatin bullets for a second.

    Btw....i passed on the offer...it is just a RIA that i payed 300 for but i love it.