State Mythology Series: Texas

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Benning Boy, Jan 5, 2010.

  1. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    I'm frankly sick of winter in the great Northeast.

    I'm gonna chuck it all and move. But where?

    This will hopefully be a series of threads where we learn about other states from the very people that live there. Forget what you think you know, and learn of these foreign lands, the good and bad, from the natives.

    Texas seems like the place to start, since all but 3 members are from there.

    So help us out, cowboys, enlighten us on:

    1) Best indigenous food

    2) Biggest plus to living there

    3) Biggest minus

    4) Weirdest wildlife

    5) A word or phrase that an outsider wouldn't understand

    6) Local boy or girl who made good.

    7) Gun laws

    8) Biggest misconception the rest of us might have about your state

    9) The thing an outsider should never do

    10) Restaurant

    Feel free to add anything else. Non-Texans, feel free to ask anything else.
    If this does well, we can do this with other states, as well.
     
  2. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

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    A most excellent idea BB! I would be interested in Idaho, Oregon, Utah and Washington. Since I currently live in California, I won't offer anything on this place other than don't move here. The place is so far left that it tilts.
     

  3. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Yeah, see, I think Washington, I think forest, rain, and Starbucks. I wanna know more.
     
  4. 1hole

    1hole New Member

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    I ain't no Texan but I have been to Muleshoe so I know a bit about Texas.

    1) "Best indigenous food" - Bar-B-Que (beef). And all Tex-Mex stuff too, it's not for wimpy tourist types tho.

    2) "Biggest plus to living there" - It's about as far from N.E. as you can get without going to California.

    3) "Biggest minus" - Still too close to the N.E. and California.

    4) "Weirdest wildlife" - Them women are something! So are the armadillos, they sortta like possum on the half shell, know what I mean?

    5) "A word or phrase that an outsider wouldn't understand." - Fixingta. As in "I'm fixingta go to town, wanna go?"

    6) "Local boy or girl who made good." - Ross Perot did good.

    7) "Gun laws" - Huh? Well, they do have some lousy ones that mostly get enforcement in Dallas/Ft. Worth and Austin, where political liberals are in total control.

    8) "Biggest misconception the rest of us might have about your state" - That it is devoid of (mostly northern) political liberals that you seek to escape from. (They're like termites, ya know, they just burrow into most any large colony anywhere in the world.)

    9) "The thing an outsider should never do" - Tell locals how ya did things back up north. They will immediatly, and strongly, suggest you go back if that's what ya want!

    10) "Restaurant" - Billy Bob's.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2010
  5. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Good stuff. I heard Austin is the liberal hotbed.

    How common are Armadillos?

    Can one open carry in Texas?

    Does everybody talk like the old guy on "Walker, Texas Ranger"?

    Somebody told me scorpions abound in Texas. I spent a couple weeks there, never saw one.
     
  6. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    Drillers are hell are Ford Escorts (Yeah I know) esp when you are 15 beers into a 6 pack and headed to the class six for more.
     
  7. Troy Michalik

    Troy Michalik Is it Friday yet? Supporter

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    Alright Benning. You’ve just hit on one thing that any native Texan would be more than happy to tell you about, and while it difficult to name things like the best of anything, I’ll do MY best here.

    1) Best indigenous food
    -Texas smoked BBQ (brisket, ribs, sausage…)
    -Tex-Mex (fajitas, …)

    2) Biggest plus to living there
    -Umm, it’s Texas!? But seriously, we’ve got every kind of geography here, coastal plains, hill country, deep piney woods, mountains, canyons, flat land prairies…. did I miss anything?

    3) Biggest minus
    -I’ll have to get back to you on this one.

    4) Weirdest wildlife
    -Either the Ocelot or Jaguarundi, which are both of the cat family. Bigger than a house cat but smaller than a Mountain Lion.

    5) A word or phrase that an outsider wouldn't understand
    -fixinta (verb) meaning - getting ready. “Hey, we’re fixinta go to the store. Need anything?”
    -A soft drink is a “coke”. It’s not soda or pop.

    6) Local boy or girl who made good.
    -Too many to list really. Actors, musicians, sports, businessmen

    7) Gun laws
    -No open carry. After that, pretty much everything else goes (except for the federal stuff).

    8) Biggest misconception the rest of us might have about your state
    -Not everyone has oil wells or cattle or a ranch. We’re not all truck driving, red necks.

    9) The thing an outsider should never do
    -Absolutely, under no circumstances should you ever correct a Texan on the pronunciation of anything local (place, someone’s name, food, ect…)
    -It is also extremely unadvisable to bring up how you did it (whatever it is) where you come from. We really don’t care how you do it “up north”. We aren’t “up north”. You’re here now, and this is how we do it here.

    10) Restaurant
    -Every place has “THE” place to go. Where I live there is The Roadhouse, a tiny little hamburger place that makes their own sweet sourdough buns. And just down the road is the Winchester Steakhouse in (where else) Winchester.

    But I could never tell it as good as this: written by Bum Phillips, head coach of the Houston Oilers

    WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A TEXAN by Bum Phillips
     
  8. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    I've heard the "coke" thing before, so I road trip with some Texans, we stop at a convenience store, one jumps out and offers to get the beverages, what happens next? I want a Diet Mountain Dew.

    Flat prarie is located next to what major city?

    Are there cacti(?)?
     
  9. Wheelspin

    Wheelspin New Member

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    So what are the winters like in Texas, I'm guessing snow is rarer than a vegetarian at a BBQ cook off?
     
  10. robocop10mm

    robocop10mm Lifetime Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter

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    I would add -
    Biggest minus? Hablaing some Espanole is almost mandatory. We are on the front lines of the invasion.

    Strangest animal? We have some world class spiders. Garden Spiders big enough to register weight on bathroom scales. Black widows and brown recluses are fairly common. Oh, and Jackalopes.

    Word or phrase? Cold Beer is actually one word, coldbeer. Pack - give a ride to. "Pack me up to the store to get some coldbeer." And yes, every carbonated beverage is "Coke".

    Local boy in the news recently - Drew Brees. If'n y'all don't know who he is, you are not allowed to come to Texas anyway.

    Something an outsider should never do? Leave their vehicle license plates from California or New York or Massatoosits on their vehicle for longer than a week after moving here.

    Armadillos are pretty common. Seeing a dead one on the side of the road with a Lone Star longneck propped up on its feet is common.

    No open carry of handguns. Long guns are all but unrestricted. Now legal to keep a handgun in your vehicle w/o a CHL.

    Scorpions are common in the rocky arid areas, not the moister climate of the Gulf Coast and East Texas Piney Woods. Where you have scorpions, you have black widows, period.

    Austin/Travis County is the most liberal County in Texas. Has been since the 1860's. It may be the most liberal County in the South.
     
  11. Mr. Bluesky

    Mr. Bluesky New Member

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    So if I wanted an actual Coke, what would I order? "Coke coke"? This has been troubling me for a long time, thankfully I've never actually needed to order something in the south.
     
  12. Troy Michalik

    Troy Michalik Is it Friday yet? Supporter

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    Pretty much anywhere in the pan handle is flat. Lubbock or Amarillo are the two biggest towns up that way. There is also a smaller town up there named Levelland. Any guesses why?

    Winter are pretty mild in most of the state, except again in the pan handle where the wind ALWAYS blows.

    Cactus is pretty much everywhere in the western half of the state.

    And if you want an actual Coke, the conversation goes something like this.
    "What can I get you to drink hun?"
    "Can I get a coke?"
    "Sure, what would you like?"
    "A coke."

    And yes, while Austin/Travis County is definitely the most liberal place here. Texas Liberals aren't that much different than California Conservatives.
     
  13. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    What is employment like, and cost of living?
     
  14. orangello

    orangello New Member

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    My liberal PhD. sister lived in Austin for a few years & loved it; it is pretty there. I think i would have difficulty fitting in there, and i'm not the most conservative person i know by a stretch.

    I did find the ever-present Lone Star decorations rather ironic; how "lone" can a star be if there is one on every other door, gate, rest stop, cow, pickup, and paving stone.

    I've been to multiple BBQ cook offs. I've had french fries & BBQ sauces from the better BBQ places in Memphis, TN. One BBQ place even offered a BBQ portobella sandwich for the vegetarians, not bad actually (slaw on, please). You want odd BBQ, try a pulled pork BBQ pizza from Colleta's in Memphis, TN. Of course, i am not a complete vegetarian; i eat sushi and oysters occasionally (i don't recommend the Octopus Nigiri with BBQ sauce at Sekisui).

    I understand there is a bit of snow in parts of TX at this very moment.

    Anybody heard the joke about the yankee chick who mistook all the snuff can rings on jean pockets for condom rings? :D
     
  15. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    They do have some goooooooooooood Beer.

    Shiner Tx is the one city I would loved to move to in Texas.

    Shiner.com
     
  16. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

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    Thanks for a great read Troy. Where are the piney woods?
     
  17. Troy Michalik

    Troy Michalik Is it Friday yet? Supporter

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    Thanks. And the piney woods are in the Eastern part of the state. I believe the "official" term is East Texas Piney Woods. That's mainly where the Texas version of Hillbillies live.
     
  18. bigbad-ratman

    bigbad-ratman New Member

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    Piney Woods are in East Texas where I grew up.
    Can't really make a call on best food. If you kill you grill it. Did have a Mom and Pop grill that had the "Bubba Burger." If you could eat it in one sitting it was free. Never met anyone who actually ate one.
    Strangest animal: horney toad. You gotta take a step back when a little lizard start shooting blood at you from it eyeballs.
    Actual snow is pretty rare. You get alot of slush and freezing rain in East Texas.
    Biggest minus: Texas is becoming Northern Mexico. I can see where the line has shifted every time I go back home to visit.
    Another big misconception: we don't ride horses to school.
     
  19. robocop10mm

    robocop10mm Lifetime Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter

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    It depends. Texas is really big with different kinds of industry in different regions. The Gulf Coast (Houston) is heavy in oil and petrochemicals. The Rio Grande Valley (just called "The Valley) is a rich agricultural region. Fruits and vegetables. The pan handle is Cotton and Cattle. Central Texas (Austin/San Antonio) is Silicon Alley, UT and State Government. North Texas (Dallas/Ft. Worth) is heavily into banking. Far west Texas is pretty desolate and the chief product is deer leases.

    Depending on your marketable skills you can find a market for it in Texas. It has been said that Texas is the only state that can be self sufficient. We make our own food, gasoline, electricity, clothes, cars. We produce our own sea food, meat and milk. We have some fine wineries and breweries. We have Army bases (FT. Hood), Navy bases (Ingleside) and Air Force bases (pretty much all of San Antonio as well as Dyess for strategic work). We can travel to the Moon (Houston Space Center) we just sub contract the actual launches to Florida. We have 2 NFL teams, 3 NBA teams and 2 MLB teams and one HUGE NASCAR track. I even think we have a hockey team or two but that is for the transplants. We have Astroworld and Fiesta Texas amusement parks. We have Sea World and South Padre Island. All the past times you could ever want except snow skiing, we sub that out to the rocky mountain states. Texas could split off from the US, become a protectionist, closed society and survive quite well.

    Cost of living varies. Austin is high by Texas standards. Houston is pretty low. Houston housing market is in a major slump right now. I am not sure about Dallas/Ft. Worth. San Antonio is fairly high if you want to stay away from the Chollos. If you can Habla, SA is great!

    We measure distance in hours and minutes, not miles. Austin to Houston is about 2 1/2 hours. Austin to SA is about an hour and a half. Austin to Dallas is about 3 1/2 hours. Austin to El Paso is all day. Beaumont to El Paso is a two day drive.
     
  20. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    What's remarkable to me is that other than the invasion by a foreign power, nobody has anything bad to say about Texas.

    I think that says alot.