Speaking English is killing us

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by cbw, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. cbw

    cbw New Member

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    Ponder on this one :D

    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is
    this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
    them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
    will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
    of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
    corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
    efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
    Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
    vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
    allowance of vegetable products.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
    means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
    the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
    you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
    program?
    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
    oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
    be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
    only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO!!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
    feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
    food and diets.

    And remember:

    'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
    safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
    sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
    thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
    AND.....

    For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
    nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
    conflicting nutritional studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
    than Americans.

    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and
    suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    CONCLUSION:

    Eat and drink what you like.
    Apparently what kills you is speaking English.
     
  2. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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  3. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

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    Outstanding! Sanity at last...
     
  4. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    La mierda santa I del OH aprende mejor español. I realmente don' necesidad de t de aprender español porque I' m un ninja de google. coma su corazón hacia fuera usted los gatitos
     
  5. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    Du kan være en Ninja av google, men alle Far er ikke imponert med peer form maur
     
  6. robocop10mm

    robocop10mm Lifetime Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter

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    Screw it. I'll just die of English. Better than death by Bunga Bunga.
     
  7. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    О, таким образом теперь dillinger думает, что он - google ninja. Хорошо я могу найти больше материала на google тогда, любой на этом правлении может. Heck я даже знаю о google рубку места. Об и сделал Вы знаете Dillinger, что есть скрытое звено на amazon.com. Я знаю право, где это - в, но Вы не делаете neener neener neener.
     
  8. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    Quá nhiều người không biết đủ về internet. Shoot nhất sẽ không biết sự khác biệt giữa Intranet và Internet. Nhưng làm gì để mà làm cho Tango các ninja của google firearms nói chuyện.
     
  9. Gojubrian

    Gojubrian New Member

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  10. cbw

    cbw New Member

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    так братья мы все в дерьме свая вместе
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2009
  11. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Whoa! How are you guys doing that?:confused::eek::confused:
     
  12. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    durka durka jihad....wait, I think I'm doing this wrong :confused:
     
  13. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    Benning Boy teil olema kaheteistkümnendik määral google Ninja saada Uniform Resource locater aadress tõlkija veebisaitidel. See ei ole darn raske.
     
  14. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

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    Hey, speak english! :rolleyes:
     
  15. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    Were you the one that posted "Durka durka durka" as the opening line in the Firearm's Talk story when our hero enters the cantina and first walks up to the chick? That was effing classic....LOL

    Speaking of which, what's happening with that story?? Someone dig that bastard up and get it rolling again....

    JD
     
  16. cbw

    cbw New Member

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    No D it was not me! May have been someone who looked liked me
     
  17. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    Wasn't me, but ask and you shall receive!