The GPS By Sarge For those that do not know what a GPS is I will explain. It stands for Global Positioning System. First used by the Armed Forces it now has hit the civilian market with a big splash. The prices are going down on the units and they even put them into cars now. Sarge being an expert on survival (an expert on survival means that when you get lost you find your way home eventually) thought he should get a GPS unit to compliment his outstanding Survival Chapter in his Hunter Safety Classes. Also the thought crossed his mind that it just might be a way for him to keep from getting lost so much. So when the package came he anxiously opened it up. Unfortunately the thing looked very much like a TV remote, a instrument that Sarge has never been able to master. But forging ahead he read the book and it had some surprises. First of all the GPS is not going to tell you a darn thing until you tell it where it is. Sarge thought this was a little bass akwards but read on. It refered the owner to the last chapter. There was a list of places all over the world. There were continents listed there that Sarge's World History teacher never even mentioned. Or possible knew about. Checking the list Sarge found one that sounded familiar. "The America's" Obviously the Oriental that translated that one just grouped the good old USA into one catagory. Going down the list, lo and behold there he found Denver, USA. "I'll be darn, we are on the list!" he exclaimed, so this has got to be easy. Going outside to the driveway, he typed in the coordinates for Denver and the elevation. Then because this was an early unit it took several minutes for the unit to locate and lock on the satelites. So here Sarge stands out in the middle of his driveway holding this little box up in the air. And Sarge's neighbors that have always wondered about him, are looking out the windows. "What is he doing now?" asked the husband. "I don't know, it looks like he is standing out there pointing a TV remote control at the sky." answered the wife. Phones ring up and down the block and soon curtains are ruffling in several houses, with eyeballs peeking thought the cracks. A collective sigh goes up and down the block. That crazy Sarge is at it again. Soon the GPS responded and Sarge looked at the display and was happy to see that it had indeed figured out that Sarge was in Denver. "WOW this is going to be great!" Thought Sarge, "No more being lost." Quickly he typed in HOME and initiated the GPS again. Sure enough it accepted that as Waypost # 2 The next day, he left for work and took the new GPS along. When he arrived at the parking lot of the big Gas Works company he took his GPS out and standing in the parking lot he proceded to type in the words, "Work" and designate it as Waypost 3. Then he stood outside the Van and held the GPS up to allow it to notify the satelites that he was at a new coordinate. And his co-workers began to pull into the parking lot.... And there stood Sarge with his TV remote held in hand pointing at the sky. "What is he doing now?" one co-worker whispered. "Who knows, just walk fast and ignore him." another replied. Soon at a distance there was a loose half circle of employee's shaking their heads and looking questionly at each other. Finally the GPS beeped and Sarge exclaimed loudly, "HOT DOG, it worked, now I can find my way to work." Oblivious to the scurrying of running feet, and small screams from the more sensative members of the workforce he put the GPS back in the Van and bounced up the stairs to work. That night he ran out to the parking lot, got the GPS out and aimed it at the sky. The he told it to "GO TO" "HOME" When it had initialized it told Sarge that he needed to go to "Denver." "DENVER? I don't live in Denver you stupid thing, I live in a town outside of Denver." Sarge gave the device a good shake and talking too. But the GPS was adamant that he should go to Denver. Undaunted Sarge had a camping trip planned for that very weekend so the GPS was packed in the camping box. "Now Pvt. Trent we are going to test the GPS out in real wilderness where all the buildings and electrical interference will not mess it up." So He initialized it and typed in "CAMP," waited the required time and sure enough the instrument told him he was a XXX latitude YYY longitude and at 9,005 ft. above sea level. "It's working,now lets test it to see if it will bring us back to this waypoint." Sarge told Pvt Trent. Marching directly East by his pocket compass he stopped at approximately 600 yards from the CAMP. Hitting the buttons he told the instument to "GO TO" "CAMP". And waited for it to respond. A few beeps later Sarge looked at the arrow display and it said "GO NORTH" "NORTH? YOU STUPID MACHINE!" "What do you mean NORTH, can't you tell that we are East of the camp?" Holding the miscreant GPS up he pointed it at the barely visible camp to the west. "LOOK YOU DUMB BAG OF CIRCUITS, THERE IS THE CAMP, SEE IT, AND IT IS WEST!" "Calm down Dad," said Pvt. Trent, let's go North and see what happens. So they went North, and then West and then South and then East and then North, and for a couple of hours the GPS led them around in a circle around the camp, but never closer than 100 yards. "What are you going to do to this one, Sanso?" asked the Oriental electronics worker?" "I think I will make this one get some dumb American all the way into a forest and then go blank and clear all his wayposts out." chuckled the other Oriental electronics worker. The End.