Retire Where?

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Car54, Feb 4, 2011.

  1. Car54

    Car54 New Member

    Here are some of your choices:

    You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...

    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
    2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
    3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
    4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
    5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
    6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!


    You can retire to California where...

    1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
    2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
    3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
    4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
    5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
    6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.


    You can retire to New York City where...

    1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
    2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
    3. You think Central Park is "nature."
    4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
    5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
    6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


    You can retire to Minnesota where...

    1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
    2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
    3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
    4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
    5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.


    You can retire to the Deep South where...

    You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
    2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
    3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
    4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
    5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.


    You can retire to Colorado where...

    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
    2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
    4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


    You can retire to the Midwest where...

    1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
    2 Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor
    3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
    4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
    5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"


    FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.

    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
    2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
    3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
    5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
  2. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member


    You could retire to Oregon where

    1. People talk like they are from the Mid-West.
    2. The two seasons are Winter and Fall, Spring and Summer are only 4 days a year and don't count.
    3. There are 20 restaurants in a town with a population of 7,000.
    4. There are three grocery stores in town and you can't buy a decent steak at any of them.
    5. You have a gun rack in your truck to hold umbrellas.

  3. AcidFlashGordon

    AcidFlashGordon New Member

    I guess I've got some things to learn because I'm buying 10 acres (or more depending on the look of the land) in Texas just east of the Dallas-Ft. Worth area. That is where I'm going to retire because although I like the Las Vegas area, it's not my idea of where to retire.
  4. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

    I'm hoping for my retirement to be selected by NASA for a 1 way trip to some distant world :cool:
  5. pmanton

    pmanton Member

    OR you can retire to Salome, AZ

    Where you can drive 5 minutes to a place where you can shoot anything from .22 to 30.06

    Where you can carry open or concealed.

    Where you can walk out your back door to your very own airplane hangar and then taxi to the runway over your very own ramp. (My other passion)

    Where you can explore the desert with your very own ATV or dune buggy.

    Where you can shoot a rattle snake in your very own yard.

    Where the 2nd amendment is believed in.


    Salome, AZ
  6. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

    Paul, that is just too cool!!
  7. Overkill0084

    Overkill0084 Active Member

    There is always Utah:
    1. People wear shorts with a parka in January.
    2. "Yes, I'm sure you're 'outdoorsy,' since it's july, do you actually need that ski rack w/ the mounted snow board?"
    3. Worst drivers outside of the third world.
    4. The second ammendment is considered just as important as the rest of the constitution.
    5. The 1911 is likely to become the state gun.
    6. J. M. Browning's birthday is an event.
    7. State run liquor stores manage to lose money (seriously).
  8. Car54

    Car54 New Member

    Getting some good add ons...keep it going.
  9. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

    Retire to rural Ohio:

    1. Where schools are closed on the first day of deer season.
    2. You know the difference in first cut or second cut hay.
    3. You can work at a chemical plant with 3,000 people and you are related to at least half of them, somewhere down the line.
    4. There is a good chance that the town up the road is dry, still has a Blue Law or both.
    5. You wave at everyone you see driving because you probably know them or you are related to them, somewhere down the line.
    6. You know what a Buckeye is and you love your Buckeyes.