PX Ranger Thread

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Benning Boy, May 11, 2011.

  1. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    In light of the fact that SEAL Team 6 now boasts more civilian operators than have ever been enrolled in the school, it's time to get all that fake stuff out of your system.

    Share with us your most elaborate SEAL, Special Forces, Airborne Ranger, Krav Maga Instructor, Shinobi Ninja story.

    Regale us with your incredible tale of derring-do, because the best of the best will be put in a poll, and the winner will be declared the Forum PX Ranger.

    Move out!
     
  2. cddbrowns

    cddbrowns New Member

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    I went into BUDS and dropped out the 3rd day of hell week.....yes, I suck.....
     

  3. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    The air was dank in the sewer as I crawled through the corrugated piping. I had dropped my HooWah candy bar back about 200 meters, wasn't going back for it. But I was hungry.

    I decided to rest on my hardshell knee and elbow pads, and feign my demise.

    Within seconds, a curious rat was in my face, sniffing. His little red eyes regarded me with caution.

    I felt a whisker brush my lip, and WATAHHH!!! I dislodged some vertebrae in my neck, extending it, and snapped his head off with my operator teeth.

    Crunchy. Gooey.

    Feeling better, I made my way up the ladder, and slowly dislodged the thick iron manhole cover with my Randall Cong Hunter. I suppose I could have just halved the cover with it, but showing off is for pogues.

    I got to the top, hit the street. Kosovo. Sh!t. I had gonee too far, I was supposed to be in St. Petersburg.

    I decided I was poorly disciplined, so I beat my face for 600 pushups, then I did a P.T. test, before slinking back into the sewer.

    That's life in the Algerian Foreign Legion.
     
  4. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    I'm Ali, elite operator for the Pakistani Special Operations Group.

    I patrol Abbotobad, and let me tell you, nothing gets by me.

    I'm in front of this mansion compound thingy, eating my cous cous MRE, and I gotta tell you, I see something suspicious.

    Across the street, the call center people are on break, and one of them has a suspicious looking goat. Time for the enhanced pat down. Of the goat.

    So I'm in the hash shop, giving the goat a good going over, when I hear helicopters flying toward that mansion thingy.

    Wonder what that's about?
     
  5. AusLach

    AusLach New Member

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    Crocodile Dundee??

    Yep, that was me..












    Oh yeah, and I dug Sydney Harbour by myself with a plastic spoon and a paddle-pop stick :cool:
     
  6. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Brilliant! That's what I'm talking about.

    Do all Aussies have tall-tale ability?:confused:
     
  7. AusLach

    AusLach New Member

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    You doubt my word? :eek::p

    Many do, however the overwhelming majority lack the eloquence and finEsse that I have been blessed with.
     
  8. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Truer words never spoken....:cool:
     
  9. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

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    My mother-in-law from Germany stayed in our house for 3 months and never forgave me for taking away her daughter.
     
  10. opaww

    opaww New Member

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    It was hot very hot as only the jungle could be. My Remington was blazing away, thinking to myself what I would give for a nice cold one right now. Just then the remy jammed, dam it. The SSgt. was yelling, “get that thing going now” I’m trying, I’m trying. AAHHH fu_k wounded, blood not to bad I managed to get the jam fixed and back at it even though my wound would make it difficult to operate the remy.

    No time for a medic, I’ll tend to it after we are finished, this can’t go on much longer. Suddenly another jam down the line, he can’t get it back to working, I move over to see if I can get it fixed, luckily yes and before that SSgt. notices.

    The noise was almost defining with so many solders going at it like it was the Battle of the Bulge,

    Finally it is through, I washed my paper cut and put a band-aid on it grabbed my reports as did everyone else and we all lined up to turn them in at the SSgt’s desk. As I dropped mine off I asked him why the Army did not buy better typewriters then that old Remington we were still using.

    He just smiled and said, “maybe next year”

    opaww
     
  11. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Aww, close the thread, we're not topping this one.

    Well played, sir. Well done.:cool::cool::cool:
     
  12. fireguy

    fireguy New Member

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    Bucky Peterson here, with the First Kansas Ready Rednecks. Go ahead and call us by our REAL name...we are the Clodhoppers!
    I'm hunkered down among what must be acres of big round bales making an infil to check out if the rumors are true. This is being sent by cell phone text, I hope you all have that level of technology, we are stoked about it here, let me tell you.

    Anyway, I'm in Mennonite country, where the men are bearded and most of the women are not. Some are quite beautiful, even though there isn't a touch of rouge or lip paint on them. An operative who was tasked with a recon of the shopping mall gave intel that there was something of great import to confirm in the land of our more simple living brothers, I only hope I can navigate my way to the well-kept farmhouse without being spotted. We have great faith in the group adopted real tree (R) pattern uniforms supplied by our quartermaster, some guy called Cabela. The darkness is complete, only the yapping of coyotes and the reply of the odd farm dog to cover my moves, I dash to the still lit lower floor window to get eyes on the subject.

    Success! The story proves out, I can barely control my breathing as I take disposable 35mm camera picture after picture to deliver to our C3 in an abandoned feedmill the next county over. This mission will most probably be my last. I'm forever ruined. What I saw was a statuesque blonde goddess with hair cascading near her perfectly dimpled asset. The report is confirmed!
    This girl is a playa! Lacey thong and push-up Victoria's secret bra. Now I know after all I have seen I can never return home.
    My wife"s butt looks like it has hail damage.
    Bucky out
     
  13. opaww

    opaww New Member

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    Believe it or not, this came to me all at once while I was reading the thread, I thought I was going to loose it as I was typing it.
     
  14. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Where are you guys getting this stuff? This is great!!!!

    Thumbs your way, as well.

    Well played, and well done, good sir!!
     
  15. fireguy

    fireguy New Member

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    Thank you, kind sir.

    The idea came from a real life sighting of a bonnet wearing beauty at JCPenney's. She was going through the offerings of thongs and boy shorts displayed just across the menswear section where I was looking for a sweater. I couldn't help but let my imagination go from there.
     
  16. Gojubrian

    Gojubrian New Member

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    I dropped a deuce on Obama's Oval Office desk lastnight.
     
  17. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Where at in Germany?
     
  18. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

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    There I was, just me and Davy Crockett, shoulder to shoulder on the walls of the Alamo. I was up to my knees in grenade pins, and thought I was going to have to resort to the knife I had won in the poker game off that boy from Louisiana.

    Suddenly the light of a trip flare reflected off the belly of an airplane- it was Puff, the gunship. I quickly lit my coal oil strobe light, and signaled frantically to the gunship. They immediately began lashing the ground before us with 175mm cannon fire, and the advancing hordes fell back.

    Having secured the perimeter, my runner came over with a message- I was needed at the compound for the 173rd Seals- they had a prisoner, and no one could interrogate him, since he spoke only Sanskrit. Fast roping my way out of the Alamo, I boarded my personal UH-52 known as Airwolf, and headed for the Seals at their secret base in Area 51. They knew those of us in Gamma Force would not let them down.

    Slumping back in my seat, I chugged a cold Bamibau that the red headed co-pilot tossed to me. "Red!" I yelled, over the roar of the jet engines. "when the hell did the docs release you back to flight status?"

    "Who says they did?" she smiled.........
     
  19. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

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    Bitburg area. Close to Luxemburg.
     
  20. Samples.32

    Samples.32 New Member

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    I woke up alone. Hands and legs bound to a table by rope. My neck by iron.

    I could vaguely recall myself, and three others from my group being ambushed. We were on a special mission to infiltrate the enemy compound and take anything we could find of value. Not monetary value, but value to our cause. Maps, plans, food, and ammunition.

    We were outnumbered three to one, and were running low on supplies... and time. Our men and women were dying not only from battle, but from starvation and illness. When you went into the medical tent, even for a minor wound, no one expected you to come out. Wounds turned septic, slowly poisoning our bodies... Our minds. More than one man went crazy. At first simply jabbering about things they would have done differently, but later, begging to be killed, followed by suicide.

    Our mission was hard, and important. We began winding our way through the jungles. There were eight of us all total, though half of us would be lost on the journey. The journey was to total an estimated 97 miles through dense jungles and over frozen mountains. We lost our first during that first night.

    We took turns guarding camp in pairs of two while the others slept. Samuel and Isaac took first watch. From the story that Isaac told, they had heard sounds in the brush... Not human. They passed them off as being animals, and in a way, they were right, but animals in this jungle aren't like your domesticated cats at home, these cats are bigger, and much more fierce. The jaguar came to fast, he launched for Samuel's throat. All that could be heard were Isaac's screams, and Samuel's dying gargles. We came as fast as we could, but it was too late, and our men were to afraid. I ran at the jaguar with nothing but my pocket knife, determined to at least salvage his body for a proper burial. No jaguar was going to have my teammate as a midnight meal. The jaguar slashed at me knocking me down by the force with which her paws hit my chest. She wasn't aiming to kill, she just wanted her dinner. I got up quickly attacking her again. This time I was able to jump on her back. She released Samuel and rolled on top of me determined to get her revenge for the knife I just stuck in her ribcage. The swiped at me again, but this time she used her claws, ripping into my chest, but I never once paused. I went for her throat this time, and my knife hit true. I held her heaving body in my arms as she died... And I cried, such a beast only searching for sustenance. A journey not all together different from our own. Would our journey end in such a cruel way such as this?

    We woke early the next morning. Isaac had deserted. I knew he would. He always was a coward. I packed my things and checked that everyone was ready for our journey. Many more gruesome miles were still left, and we had yet to even make it to the caves.

    After many more miles of chopping through the brush with our now dull machetes we reached the caves. We had no flashlights. Torches would light our way through. The men behind me were afraid, but I, a mere woman stood tall ready for whatever shall come. Many had entered these caves, but few had ever come back out. Numerous ropes would be rolled out as we went through the caves, should we get lost our only chance at survival would be to follow the rope back out to where we started. If this were to happen, our mission would be failed. Our supplies would not last long enough for a second attempt. We entered the caves, weaving our course through the darkness. At the edge of deep waters we paused to splash our faces, and drink. We watched as eels swam up to us looking for something to eat. The man that fell in these waters would not make it out. As we continued our journey one of my men began to scream making horrific sounds and rattling the cave walls. Fearing a collapse I ran back to him and placed my hand over his mouth silencing him. "What is the issue here? Do not wake things that need not be woken." He gasped for breath as I released him, "A spider, it bit me." He quivered, and the rest of the men laughed. I did not laugh though. The spiders in these caves were known to eat away the flesh of a mans body, and leave him dead within the day. I worried, but did not announce my fears. "You will be fine Matthew, let's move."

    At dusk we exited the caves. Matthew had to be carried the last mile. He was in poor shape. I knew he wouldn't make it through the night. His bite had become infected, and his body could not fight it. He was having fever dreams. Begging for his wife and children. Screaming at me for keeping him from them. I stayed with him through the night. At dawn, his fever broke, he asked me, "Will you please tell my family that I love them, and give this to my wife?" he handed me a necklace. "It's Persian. She has always wanted one. She will love it. When you give it to her. Place it around her neck, and don't say a word more. She will understand." He died within the hour, slowly, and painfully.

    Halfway through our journey we began being more cautious. The enemy could be anywhere. As could the native cannibalistic tribes to which one of our numbers would soon lose his life.

    It came out of no where. A dart. Just one dart to hit the neck of poor Micheal. It was poisoned. Micheal dropped to the ground and we raised our guns in the direction it had come from. Someone moved approximately 50 yards away. He was running as quickly as he could. I had one shot. One very precise shot with my Kimber. I paused for only a moment. Aligned my sights, and the shot rang out instantly piercing the cannibals flesh and killing him.

    Before I could check on Micheal we were surrounded. It was an ambush. There were too many of them, and no one had been watching our six. I felt something hard hit my head, and I felt consciousness slowly slip from me.

    And this is where our story began. In the middle of this dark, wretched room, surrounded by what I can only describe as Medieval torture devices. It smelled harshly of gasoline, blood, and sweat. I looked for a way out, but found none. I would have to wait until someone came in to find a way out. As I lay there I started planning various scenarios, but I was getting tired. My body was exhausted, and I didn't even know when the last time I had eaten was.

    "Ah, cute little precious girl, you are awake finally." A German voice speaks... My mind goes wild. A German? What could the Germans want? This isn't their war! "If you are a good girl, maybe I no treat yo so harshly, maybe, I make you my princess." I begin fighting my bindings as hard as I can dying for a way out. The Germans are brutal. The only thing worse than torture by their hands is marriage to one of them. "Come now precious one. Tell me what your mission was." I answer harshly. "My mission is to kill you." I spat in his face, causing him to become enraged. "Oh, really, maybe I shall have to tame you before making you my princess, maybe removing some of your flesh will help my cause." I wait patiently for him to make his move. He approaches me with a dull blade, and places it to my arm.

    "Are you going to be a good girl?"

    "You'll have to kill me first."

    The blade digs into my arm. Searing heat and pain. I bite my lip , but no sound escapes my lips. He begins pulling on the flesh with his hands, ripping it down. I scream involuntarily and he howls with laughter.

    "Does this hurt princess?"

    I curse at him and cry softly.

    "Tell me what your plans were."

    I lay there silently, hating him to my core.

    He slaps my wound with an open palm. "Tell me now, or I kill you slowly."

    "What do the Germans want in this war?"

    "That is none of your business."

    He tortures me for hours. Skinning me and pouring salt on my wounds, but I don't give in, finally, he decides to rest. "Now you be a good girl and think over what all you plan to tell me when I come back."

    He turns to leave. "No, please, I will tell you, just let me down."

    He pauses, contemplating the consequences, finally he speaks, "Fine, a little fly like you, what can you do."

    He unties me and releases my neck. I sit up on the table. Very uneasy. The entire room is spinning. I can't even see straight, and even if I do manage to dispatch him, I have no idea what lies outside this room.

    I jump down and knee him in the groin, followed by a kick to the head. He is unconscious. I break his neck for good measure. With no time to lose I exit the room and take a right down a narrow pathway to find my comrades. It doesn't take long before I find them. All three lay slain in a pile beside an outer door. I left, and never looked back. Slowly I made my way from town to town staying with commoners, until I reached our command station.

    "Brittany! We thought you had all died, what happened to you? You look horrible."

    "Commander, the mission was failed. I would like to go home now."