1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much Pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math distruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown inot a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 10. Atheism in a non-prophet organization. 11. Time flies like an arrow; friut flies like a banana. 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here. I will go on a head." 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger, then it hit me. 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass." 15. The midget fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 16. The soldier who survived the mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 17. A backward poet writes inverse. 18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your count that votes. 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine. 21. A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry sir. Only one carrion allowed per passenger." 22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam." 23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. 24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive." 25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novacain during a root canal? His goal: Transcend dental medication. 26. There was once a person who told ten puns to friends with the hope of at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.