Our Older Loved Ones & Parents

Discussion in 'Legal and Activism' started by Sniper03, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. Sniper03

    Sniper03 Supporting Member Supporter

    I know some of you have unfortunately walked down this road before. So any advise you have will certainly be accepted from your experiences.
    Dad turned 86 this year. I guess I never realized how messed up our system is when it comes to our good and valued elderly Americans.
    Dad had a stroke back in August which made him unable to walk and he has had some other complications. The point being, we are now going to have to make the dreaded decision which he has suggested to find and put him in an assisted living center. It brakes my heart to think that we are unable to take care of him here at the family homes due his condition and also our jobs which requires travel. Also he is a big man and none of us can lift him safely or handle him. He is very alert mentally and has advised he certainly understands, followed by our mom just passed away last year. And even though he is very alert as I mentioned and eating well he has advised he wished he was with mom! "WOW" God Bless him! But I guess I can understand. They were married 65 years and what a loss! For all of us and certainly Dad.
    Anyway to ventilate a little! It is absolutely a shame that in order to afford the services that he requires you guessed It! We have to sign the family home over to the care center. We understand that if we would have been given the property 7 years ago they could not take it. The point I want to share is this. "Plan Ahead". Lets evaluate the total situation. Dad has worked his entire life at a normal labor job, paid his income taxes, social security,bought a small home, good family man, believed in God went to church and lived the good American life while raising my sister and I. This brings me to the point. Basically we have to give the treatment center all that he has to take care of him. Quite frankly that p's me off completely.
    We have millions of Mexicans and illegal aliens in this country that are like leaches sucking the life out of America. Free Education, Housing, Food, Transportation, Medical Care and assistance from the government that you and I can not even get. Not to mention the attempt to change our one language system. Yet when our loved ones and the elderly who have made America what it is need true assistance they are expected to settle for less. The other option if we pay for a nice assisted living center for dad it is close to $3000.00 per month which we do not have! Or we are required to give them the home place and property as we will probably have to do. Just doesn't seem fair for those good folks who have worked hard been outstanding citizens that have made our country what it is. And for that matter the families like yours and mine. Us who also pay the ticket for the government, served our country, pay our taxes. Just wanted to ventilate and get your take on my present p's off attitude! It is almost like the sooner they die the better it is when it comes to some attitudes! I could care less about the home and property or money value. I just want Dad to live in a decent place and have good care for what ever time he stays with us.

    God Bless America & Our Old Folks! Who deserve Better in the winter of their life!

  2. orangello

    orangello New Member

    My condolences; i don't look forward to that age with my parents (70's). It is something that has to be planned for, and not everybody's parents can or have done that planning.

    This is a good reason to talk to an older and experienced CPA. Look for somebody over 60; they have friends who are facing these decisions and understand the angles better. They are paying for the expensive disability insurance and such. The long and short of it is that Medicare isn't going to pay for assisted living, for most people, until they have completely exhausted their own assets, including some they may have intended to pass on to an heir.

    I don't have the expertise or experience in this area, but most of the older CPA's do and can help with some decision making. The estate tax is another area that has been changing and should be considered, unpleasant as it may be. I fear the coming budgets and belt-tightening may get augmented with some estate and gift tax to hit "the wealthy".

  3. trip286

    trip286 New Member

    Man you have my sympathies. I for one can't give you any real advice, except what you already know, and that is you want your father to be taken care of.

    It is a real crappy situation when it comes to something like that.

    Your family well be in my prayers.
  4. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

    My wife will ultimately have to go into a care facility when she can no longer function and I am not able to care for her properly. Thankfully we have long term care insurance for her and that's the only blessing in all this. It's not something we look forward to.

    If anyone is in a position to do so, I urge you to get long term care insurance while you are able.
  5. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

  6. orangello

    orangello New Member

    I believe this is one of the types of insurance that is deductable on Schedule A, if you itemize your deductions and if you have enough medical expenses to be > than about 7.5% of your AGI. I see it on a lot of returns.
  7. JTJ

    JTJ Well-Known Member Supporter

    I know what you are going through and it is a bitter pill. My mother died from cancer and had to spend her last 10 days in a nursing home heavily drugged. My brother and I took turns sitting with her. The bill was over $4000.
    It is only going to get worse under Obamacare. We are in our 70's and fairly healthy but things keep cropping up. My wife is losing the vision in her left eye and will undergo surgery on the 29th. Hopefully the surgery will improve her vision. Next year that surgery would cost 3 times more out of pocket. After 2014 she would be denied the surgery and would just lose her vision in that eye. $535 billion is being cut from medicare and being given to medicaid to cover illegal aliens.
    Check the mortality rates on people that sign everything over as opposed to those who pay. Vital care may be neglected to make a hefty profit when a patient dies quickly. Yes I am being cynical but I have seen some of the things that go on in nursing homes and I dont trust them. Is your father a vet or a member of a fraternity such as Elks? There may be some other avenues there. I know some of the fraternities run retirement homes.
    You might also look at what the estate is really worth on the market. How long would it cover him if the property was sold? There should also be some money from medicare, not much but some to help with the costs.
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2011
  8. BB98338

    BB98338 New Member

    Sorry you are going thru that. I will be in the same boat with my parents in a few years too. Good advice above to go see an accountant. He will be able to explain options like a reverse mortgage. Best of luck.
  9. Sniper03

    Sniper03 Supporting Member Supporter

    I guess also one of my main points is to spread the reality! What I am going to do is look into a trust fund or something so the government and those others can not take everything I have worked hard for from my children and family. I for sure would rather see them have it than the government or some care home. Let the government take care of some of us who have made America what it is for a change! Instead of the dead beats and illegals. Take a lesson from us and do everything possible to protect your parents and children. I have the faith and know God will get us through all of this as he has many of you. For those of you as many have stated, that may be looking unfortunately to this in the future! Now is the time to act and get things taken care of and in order to protect everyone including your parents. I guess even though we know, it seems our parents should never have to experience anything like never being able to go home again! What a terrible thought! So plan and get everything taken care of. That is my best advise as a friend here on the FTF.

  10. texaswoodworker

    texaswoodworker New Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your father. I hope everything works out for the best.
  11. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

    Sniper, I have some experience in this situation. My Mother died November 23, 1994 after a long illness. My Dad was able to take care of her at home but she spent a LOT of time in long term care facilities. Actually, going between a hospital and a long term care facility. We had to play the "medicare" game where she'd have to be home for 24 hours then get re-admitted for medicare to continue to pay. The last few months of her illness, us kids would take turns spending nights with her at the hospital as she'd wake up confused and scared. My Dad needed to sleep and he was with her from 0700 until 2000. I had small children at home and a marriage that was falling apart. The stress was UNBELIEVABLE.

    My Dad lived alone until he had a stroke in 2005. My brother, sister and I debated about what to do. We contacted the county elderly care services and we eventually got a live in caregiver. My Dad has steadily declined since his stroke but he is still at home under the care of a most wonderful lady who lives there full time. She is good, honest, kind, caring, compassionate and is as much a part of my family now as my siblings. She eventually quit the agency she worked for and is now simply my Dad's employee.

    Please DO look into some home care. It's not as expensive as one might think and different arrangements can be worked out such as room, board and some spending money in exchange for care. We were VERY LUCKY to find a good, Christian, honest as the day is long woman.

    Consider all the possibilities before you make a final decision.
  12. partdeux

    partdeux Well-Known Member

    We are just coming of age :(

    MIL is exhibiting rapidly advancing dementia. FIL is finding it increasingly difficult to more around. Mom still pretty strong, but age is catching up with her. My fear, we're doing to be dealing with all three at about the same time.
  13. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

    Sniper, my condolences for you and your family. Our family is going through a similar situation with our father and it is not something I would wish on anyone.

    Keep your head up and do the best you can, enjoy whatever moments you have and don't sweat the small stuff.