Off Topic: Bullying question

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Poink88, Nov 29, 2011.

  1. Poink88

    Poink88 New Member

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    My 2nd grade (recently turned 8 yo) daughter have a classmate (Victoria) that picks on her. She doesn't hurt my daughter physically but regularly shouts at her (on her face too) to the point that my daughter cries when she tells us in the evening. We used to ask the teacher to intervene but she told us that my daughter need to learn to handle things on her own (good point but how?).

    Victoria is known, since kinder, to be a trouble maker and very sly. She is also part of a 5 "bad girl" group...3 are the worst in the class, 2 are tagging along.

    We instructed her to ignore her but she claims it is getting worse and she is obviously getting upset internally. What would you do?

    Thank you.
     
  2. dmp

    dmp New Member

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    You may want to consider telling your daughter if she never stands up to Victoria, Victoria may never stop. I think her Teacher needs a talking-to, actually. If I were involved I'd encourage the Teacher to remember their job - NOT to teach 'life lessons' to students, but to enable students to have the best learning environment they can; thus Victoria's actions demand the teacher step in.

    Me thinks Victoria needs an ***-whoppin' from a parent; if Victoria has a parent who loves her enough to correct the kid. Victoria may feel powerless at home, so attempts to fix that by bossing kids around/being the aggressor. Perhaps Victoria is witness to domineering? Maybe Vic's mom is beastly, and the kid copies?
     

  3. chlogeo

    chlogeo New Member

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    Girls are supposed to be Sugar an Spice and Everything Nice. But least we forget that females are tough, tougher then men. This bully is taking a toal on your girl. Probably her focus on her studies is being compromised by her attention with this bully.
     
  4. chlogeo

    chlogeo New Member

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    I would suggest that your girl use Stealth and wait for the opertune
     
  5. chlogeo

    chlogeo New Member

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    Physical contact with this bully may only escalate matters and put your girl in trouble with her teachers. My suggestion is have your girl hit the bully where it really hurts that being the bullies mental state. If you can't beat them then hire them. Give your daughter extra lunch money and have your girl ask the bully to be her bodyguard. It worked for me when I was in 2nd grade.
     
  6. Poink88

    Poink88 New Member

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    My daughters studies is fine...she is a straight A student and in top 3 of her class. I am actually thinking that the bullying is caused by envy. The other 2 top students is a boy and an African American girl.

    My girl (8yo) is also much bigger than Victoria (7yo) and can take her on physically if needed but we don't want her to get in trouble for that.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2011
  7. PanBaccha

    PanBaccha New Member

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    I'd have a talk with her parents. Immediately! If that don't work out then it is 'do or die' time.
    Meaning, the next time this girl with her four guards approaches your daughter threateningly, it is time
    to punch that face hard as hell. Guarantee that girl and every other person in that school will never
    approach her again in that manner. It's a shame it has to be handled that way. Best to nip it in the bud.
    They might very well turn out to be best friends afterward. It happened to my sister many years ago.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2011
  8. dmp

    dmp New Member

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    You may want to consider the lesson of 'defense of self' to be greater than the 'punishment' by a school behaviour code designed to avoid lawsuits.

    Curious - why do you specify the ancestral origin of one student? Does that origin differ than that of your daughter or yourselves? Are you European American? Another?

    Good luck!
     
  9. Poink88

    Poink88 New Member

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    Sorry about that but the African American girl (a good friend of ours-my daughter's best friend actually) is a no nonsense girl and doesn't take $hit from anyone and would hit them right back if needed. They don't mess with her. We are Asian.
     
  10. dmp

    dmp New Member

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    Sometimes, I guess...Violence IS the answer. Maybe when push-comes-to-shove, strive to teach your daughter to protect herself. As-is, it's just noise from a hurting 'bully'; trying to ease HER Pain by inflicting upon others. Good luck, Poink. :cheers: to you!
     
  11. Jeepergeo

    Jeepergeo New Member

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    Give the teacher one more chance to do the teacher's job of providing a learning environment. Be clear on what you need and be specific (you expect the teacher to stop any bullying activity and to punish the bully). Make it clear that you hope that this can be resolved at the parent-teacher level. If it does not work, take it to the parent-principal level. If that does not work, take it to the parent-superintendent level.

    The bullies' parent(s) already know about her bad behavior, so approaching them will not improve things at all. Let the school officials do that since IT IS PART OF THE JOB THEY ARE GETTING PAID TO DO!!! Remember, THE SCHOOL STAFF AND ADMINISTRATION ARE NOT DOING YOU A FAVOR...IT IS THEIR JOB!

    Lastly, let your daughter know that she needs to be good in school, but that you don't expect her to stand there submissively and take abuse from the bully. Let her know that if she ever needs to stand up for herself (e.g., defend herself), that you will stand with her 100% (even if she gets kicked out of school for defending herself).
     
  12. Poink88

    Poink88 New Member

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    Jeepergeo & DMP,

    Good points.

    I forgot to mention that she goes to a (private) Catholic school and I made this clear to her teacher that my daughter won't be a punching bag for anyone. My daughter knows that if she got hit (physically) she is to warn that person but any subsequent attack can and should be met with brute force. She knows I told her teacher that and that we will be behind her 100%.

    She can punch (been practicing with daddy) but these events are on the gray area and she is hurting emotionally. I think I will schedule another talk with the teacher and instruct my daughter to have one with Victoria...neither a confrontation nor an ultimatum but a notification of what may come if this behavior continues. She is not afraid of her...just getting hurt with bad words.

    Thanks!
     
  13. Alpha1Victor

    Alpha1Victor New Member

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    I would say skip talking to the parents. Im sure they believe their little angel would never do that, right? I would teach your daughter some krav maga;)

    Signing out, Alpha1victor.
     
  14. SSGSF

    SSGSF New Member

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    Put her in a karate class cause the only way you can stop a bully is to fight back look at YouTube about the boy who stood up to his bully
     
  15. fmj

    fmj Active Member

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    We JUST went thru this with our youngest. I can tell you from experience the teachers and the principles will do NOTHING but give you lip service!

    Funny as hell, our son is VERY high achieving. His school is on academic probation. We couldnt even get an interview with the principle about the matter! She was always in a meeting, or otherwise too busy to see us. So we decided to pull the son from the school. (One good thing about the no child left behind, if the school isnt performing you can jerk your child and put them into a school that is) ANYWHO, we had to wait until after the ISTEP tests. (Standardized evaluation) Son took the ISTEPs then we jerked him out.

    The day AFTER we pulled him and put him into a new school we FINALLY got a call from the principle all distraught that we would do such a thing. I went off on the dumb ***** and told her point blank what i thought of her and her school and the entire skrewel system in general. I also told her i wasnt that stupid, the ONLY reason we were getting a call NOW was because she saw my son had ACED his ISTEPs and that she saw her overall percentage going down in the coming semesters without my son there to pull up the overall percentages. That maybe if she were as worried about the learning environment as much as she worried about her cushy job, she wouldnt need to worry about her job so much!!

    The new school turned out to be no better...another glowing example of the abject failure that is public indoctrination.

    We now have our boy in a charter school and put him in karate classes to help with confidence. I have told him time and again, if someone hits you or get in your face, i EXPECT you to put them down.

    A bully is just that and NOTHING fixes the attitude of a bully like a mouthful of their own blood!

    ANWHO, what i am trying to say is good luck. It is a difficult and painful road to travel. DO NOT expect the school to do anything, they wont! As with everything in our society today, the inmates run the institutions.

    Your best path might be too look into homeschooling or a private school. Public education is set up to indoctrinate not educate. part of the indoctrination is meant to beat down and crush under heel the spirit of any that might attempt to achieve!
     
  16. fmj

    fmj Active Member

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    OHHH, now i read shes in a private school!!

    Well you have a leg up....go to the principle and the board and DEMAND IMMEDIATE satisfaction or your daughter AND YOUR MONEY will be going elsewhere!!

    Money talks louder than words!
     
  17. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

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    Good idea for you here Poink! Martial Arts will toughen her physically and mentally. I would recommend Kenpo.

    Some of the tougher girls might challenge her physically, but most will steer clear, not knowing whether she will go Chuck Norris on them or not!! :D
     
  18. partdeux

    partdeux Well-Known Member

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    I highly doubt talking to the parents would do any good, except possibly further escalate it.

    Teacher
    Principal
    adminstrator (if there is one)
    board

    New school

    your daughter may be getting picked on because she's "different" and succeeding. But, I will also suggest that our little angels are not always without fault. Good friend of mine had a daughter that was being bullied... then we learned the rest of the story. Her angel wasn't quite the victim, and in fact the instigator.

    Girls are viscious while growing up. Our daughters are 19 & 20, and still growing up {sigh}
     
  19. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

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    8 years old and in second grade,she's young and will bounce back easy at that age..Seems when they get in there teens is when they take-it alot harder..I'd stop-it at...ALL-COST...right now one way or another..
     
  20. Poink88

    Poink88 New Member

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    We are very aware of this possibility but know our daughter well. My wife also volunteers in the school a day per week (got changed recently) so she knows the other girls (and their reputation) well. We are very cautious in determining fault and look at her (thoroughly) first.