Noah - the movie - a waste

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by wittmeba, Mar 28, 2014.

  1. wittmeba

    wittmeba New Member

    1,097
    1
    0
    Just saw the movie "Noah". What a disappointment. Couldn't hear the words..volume too low except when they start blowing everything up - typical.

    Russell Crowe has a perfect buzz (about 1/8") haircut as does one of the younger boys. Later he has long shaggy hair.

    Back in the ages, Russell Crowe has a knife that looks much like this image but the perfectly cut serration is much deeper into the blade - about 1/2 way through the blade at the base.

    [​IMG]

    Really nothing to the story and certainly not what I expected. IMO - Waste of money.
     
  2. rifleman1

    rifleman1 New Member

    2,007
    1
    0
    Thanks for the heads up I won't be wasting my money going to the theater my kids will probably want the DVD to add to the fairy tale section of our DVD case.:)
     

  3. Bigcountry02

    Bigcountry02 Coffee! If your not shaking, you need another cup Supporter

    7,250
    49
    48
    Thanks for the information. I do what others do and rent from redbox. I

    do not like going to movie theaters, either the food sucks, drinks have too much ice, the theater too cold (Parka environment), the sound quality is bad for High Definition (HD) and/or those watching the movie are on the phone talking.

    I like to hit the pause button, to go to the frig for a frosty beverage. :D
     
  4. wittmeba

    wittmeba New Member

    1,097
    1
    0
    I'd love to hear what others think too.
     
  5. Jagermeister

    Jagermeister New Member

    6,811
    1
    0
    Remember that we do not know what pre flood society looked like. Humanity started from scratch once they reached landfall. So, maybe they had good knives. Lol! Any movie on the subject will be unrealistic due to lack of artifacts from pre flood Earth. Still,I am sure the movie sucked.
     
  6. sputnik1988

    sputnik1988 Active Member

    2,883
    2
    38
    There was a write up on it on The Blaze, they said it was terrible. It's a fantasy movie, never intended to represent the biblical event with any kind of accuracy.

    They also said they make Noah out to be a homicidal psychopath...
     
  7. wittmeba

    wittmeba New Member

    1,097
    1
    0
    Jag - I understand what you are saying.

    I have discussed the Pyramids with my late father-in-law and I took the stand that just because we don't have tools today that might build such precision doesn't mean they never existed. So yes, they may also have had better knives that our current choices. But then why is he using a very "home-made" looking ax to chew up wood? I'd complain to my congressman :)
     
  8. KG7IL

    KG7IL Well-Known Member

    3,155
    37
    48
    Noah the Movie? . .. naw, I read the book.
     
  9. nchunt101

    nchunt101 New Member

    1,202
    0
    0
  10. Overkill0084

    Overkill0084 Active Member

    4,910
    2
    38
    I haven't read a positive review yet. Most of them have been scathing.
    A biblical movie done by and avowed atheist / vegan? What could go wrong?
     
  11. Bigcountry02

    Bigcountry02 Coffee! If your not shaking, you need another cup Supporter

    7,250
    49
    48
    It might get a redbox rent just for the special effects only!
     
  12. Mosin

    Mosin Well-Known Member

    7,450
    357
    83
    I saw it....

    Okay.....


    So.... Earth is populated by people who eat meat, and it's bad because God wants us to live off of his glory or some ****...so Noah, the environmental crusader gets visions to build an ark, which he starts with the help of fallen angels who became rock creatures.
    So his family go see Hannibal Lecter who for this movie is a wizard shaman with hallucinogenic drugs, and he does Lord of the Rings type magic and makes some girl Noah found have the ability to get pregnant with his tree magic...

    Noah builds his ark, but gets all super pissed that his son wants a wife, so he makes her die.
    Then he gets on his ark and goes all Russel Crowe (see South Park, Fightin' round the world) on his sons wife because she's pregnant, and he's gonna make sure the world doesn't reproduce...

    So he uses some magic rocks and blows up her escape craft they built into the ark, Michael Bay style, because there were magic rocks before the floods, which people also used as guns....

    He gets his knife out and he's about to stab some babies in the face when he comes to the conclusion that God is an *******, and he's better than God, even though he just used rock monsters and an axe to murder humanity, so he decides not to stab babies in the face...

    But then one of the leaders (one of the evil meat eaters), has stowed away on the ark and Noah must battle him, ala Gladiator style for supremacy of the ark...
    Of course Noah Russel Crowes his *** and saves the day.

    Then he gets drunk because why not, and passes out (...besides an ark and animals, noah getting drunk and passing out actually WAS in The Book of Genesis).

    But he comes to his senses and cue the sweeping panoramic ending shot....
     
  13. texaswoodworker

    texaswoodworker New Member

    10,198
    0
    0
    I have not seen the movie, but is that even a remotely accurate description? From what I've heard so far, I have a feeling it is...
     
  14. Mosin

    Mosin Well-Known Member

    7,450
    357
    83
    That is EXACTLY the movie...NO JOKE......
     
  15. texaswoodworker

    texaswoodworker New Member

    10,198
    0
    0
    Sounds like it's just another douchbag's attempt to attack Christianity/Judaism then.
     
  16. Mosin

    Mosin Well-Known Member

    7,450
    357
    83
    Now...If you're an Atheist, an Atheist treehugger, or have no clue about the book of Genesis, you will like the movie...
    the rock monsters battling people were pretty cool.... the special effects rocked.
    Noah recounts Genesis, and the special effects are pretty awesome....
    He plants a seed from the garden of eden and it turns into a forest instantly...so the special effects were epic...
    The rock monsters looked like 1980's claymation, and not CGI crap, so I really liked that...
    The visuals make it look really cool...but if you're old school Christianity, You're gonna be super pissed....
     
  17. texaswoodworker

    texaswoodworker New Member

    10,198
    0
    0
    I'm an old school Christian...
     
  18. JonM

    JonM Moderator

    20,110
    19
    38
    I'm not usually into bible stuff but this thing just from the previews looked like a steaming pile. It was bad enough they turned sherlock holmes into a ninja... but noah... seriously????

    At least evan almighty didn't try to undercut the bible story....
     
  19. Axxe55

    Axxe55 The Apocalypse Is Coming.....

    7
    2
    0
    i think i'll take a pass on the movie and just stick with the book version.
     
  20. Mosin

    Mosin Well-Known Member

    7,450
    357
    83
    Jim Jones did a better job retelling Noah anyways...at least we got free Koolaid.