I'm not 100% sure on the 9mm revolvers but I know the .45 acp and .40 S&W revolvers require you to use moon clips and they are far more of a pain than they are worth in my opinion.
I would go with the .357 magnum. I have a Taurus Ultralite .357 snubby and I agree with you that a .357 is a lot of power for such a small gun so I mostly shoot .38's out of it but it's nice to know you have that added power available if need be. A lot of people will say a .38 Special isn't powerful enough but my answer is the .38 was the main gun used for all law enforcement for about 100 years and it worked just fine. I also have a Ruger GP100 in stainless with a 4" barrel which is my favorite handgun I own. I have said many times that if I had to give up all my guns but one I would keep the GP100. It is just a good all around, multi purpose gun to me.
As far as which .357 is the best, you've opened up a big "Ford vs Chevy" battle here. There is no one "Best Revolver" out there. My personal opinion is Ruger is the best revolver. All one piece, solid steal and tough as nails but that is my opinion. Others will say S&W, Colt, Charter Arms, Taurus and many others. I am also a big fan of Taurus. A lot of gun for little money. But again, that is my opinion. Try to shoot as many revolvers as you can and choose based on your experience.