1. Avoid them like the plague *Be aware of what is going on around you by staying in condition yellow. *Have a plan or two. (If not, a “Last Will & Testament will do.) Corollary: No plan survives contact with the enemy. 2. Bring at least one gun (don’t bring a knife). *Bring the biggest gun you can handle. 3. Bring friends (as friendly witnesses or fire support). *Let close air support or artillery soften-up the target for you. 4. Make use of available cover. *Remember the difference between concealment and cover. *Don’t get shot (Use cover to your advantage). 5. Place your shots well. *Pay attention to where your shots fall. *”Speed’s fine, but accuracy is final.” *Don’t miss. (You can’t miss fast enough to win.) 6. Rules of drawing *If you’re the bad guy, draw & shoot first. *If you’re the good guy, draw second and shoot first. 7. Never turn your back on an armed bad guy, even if he’s down. 8. Rules of wounds *A “sucking chest wound” is nature’s way of telling you to slow down. *If you’re bleeding to death, say something witty. *If you’re actually dying, say something deep. 9. Never assume your opponent is out of ammo. *Bring lots of ammo. 10. In combat, you will be scared. You will have a tendency to shoot high. Be aware of this and aim low. 11. Rules of quitting *Don’t quit just because you’re hit; GET EVEN! *Never quit, period. *There is no prize for second place. 12. There’s no such thing as “unfair advantage.” 13. He who lives to run away will live to run another day (the best strategy is being somewhere else). 14. It is better to give than receive (Just like Christmas). 15. Professionals are predictable, it’s the amateurs that are dangerous. 16. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. 17. If your opponents didn’t have the courtesy to “Count Off!” before beginning, assume that there’s one more somewhere. 18. When the cops pull up, think fast and move slow. 19. Say nothing afterwards but the Seven Magic Words: “I’d like to speak with my attorney.” 20. Distribute press releases indicating you target belongs to a cult.* 21. Drop the one with the shotgun first. 22. Afterward, alter evidence to favor your position and plan for perjury.* 23. Use cutesy green-and-purple colored weapons and ammo so the press won’t show any video of your non-evil-looking equipment. Fuzzy rifle-wrap works best. 24. Insist on at least $50K from tabloid TV producers.