Much needed venting..

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by UrbanNinja, Jul 1, 2012.

  1. UrbanNinja

    UrbanNinja New Member

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    I apologize for bringing my personal matters here, but i have nowhere to turn to at the moment. I also have seen many others bring up the topic of family issues here with some great support from fellow members.

    Now, I know that most of us do not know each other much outside of the forum, But for some reason.. Everyone seems to really get behind eachother here. I thought this may be the place for me to get some things off of my chest.

    My story begins about 7-8 years ago. I was heading down the wrong path. A horrible relationship, Couldnt hold a job, Drugs, Drinking, etc...

    The only thing good that had come out of all of this, was my beautiful son. Many of you have seen me write about my son many times before and have gotten a bit of insight on my love for him. He is the reason i got my life together. Unfortunately i didnt get on my feet until he was almost 2 years old. His mother and I had separated, I cleaned up my act, quit doing drugs (6 years sober), went back to school and started a good career. During all of this, I was homeless. I slept on friends couches, in cars.. anywhere i could lay my head. Rather then dragging my son through all of that crap, I asked my mother to take care of him until i was stable. I never left him, i spent every possible moment with him. My parents would not allow me to stay with him in their house because my father felt that i "needed to be a man and take care of myself first". Sure, it was a real jerk thing to do, but im glad he did because i would not be the man I am today.

    Since I needed a place for my boy to stay, i granted my mother "temporary primary guardianship", so that she may make decisions, doctors appointments, health benefits,etc..

    Flash forward a few years...
    At this point i am now cleaned up, steady working, good woman, good job. I decide to move out of Philadelphia and into a nice quiet suburban neighborhood. I take a new job working nights, So does my wife. It was the best option for us both and the most money. My son was attending a private school in the city, rather then take him out in the middle of the school year, I once again ask my mother if she can let my son stay with her until the end of the school year and the wife and i can get our work schedules situated around his schooling.

    Every Friday i would pick him up to come spend the weekend and then drive him back on Sunday.

    2 weeks ago, School year ends and its time for him to come back with me... Here is where the problems come in.

    I go to bring my son back with me, My mother will not give him back to me..
    She is holding this 6 year old court document above my head saying SHE has "custody of him". I never went back to court to have this order changed because i thought to myself "its my mother, why do i need to do that?".

    The last time i have seen/spoke to my son was 2 weeks ago on his final day of school.. Ironic? My phone calls are being ignored, text messages unanswered and i have been told by my sister that she was informed if i go to the house, my mother will call the police and tell them i was trying to kidnap my own son.

    I went to file an "emergency custody hearing" and the best they can do for me is September 19th.


    Rewind 30 years:
    I have an older Brother that passed away at the age of 2.

    Present day:
    My son Looks identical to my brother.


    I have this strong feeling that my mother is using my son to try and fill the void from the loss of my brother. There is no other explanation to this situation. My entire family and friends are behind me 100% and they cannot believe what is going on. I cannot believe what is going on.

    My head is spinning, my stomach is twisting. I have to continue to go through my day and act normal as if nothing has happened, Trying not to explode and let my emotions show while im at work and keep my brain focused.

    Ive screamed, Ive cried, Ive laughed in disbelief. I cannot keep it inside anymore.

    How do i keep this bottled inside of me? There is absolutely NOTHING i can do!

    I know that when i return to court, everything is in my favor but what the hell am i supposed to do until them? how can i sit here for 2 ******* months and keep my head? 2 weeks and i already want to go on a rampage.

    How can my own mother do this to me? my flesh and blood. The very first person i learned to love and trust in my life has stabbed me in the back and treated me with more cruelty then any enemy has ever done.


    once again, I apologize for bringing this here.I am not looking for guilt or pity. i dont expect anything for any of you.. I just thought that getting some of this out in the open may help relieve some tension in my head. I could continue writing for hours. I used to write in a journal, but when there is nobody to read it.. it just doesnt seem to help. It feels the same as keeping in locked inside.
     
  2. Marlinman

    Marlinman New Member

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    Do what you've just done mon ami-make us your outlet. That's a low blow for your mother to do to you. Keep your head up and keep us posted. Idk what to tell you to do bc iv never been in that kind of situation.
     

  3. gunnovice09

    gunnovice09 New Member

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    All I can say is pray and have faith God will bring him back to you
     
  4. Axxe55

    Axxe55 The Apocalypse Is Coming.....

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    Urban, cool your heels, take a deep breath and calm down. first of all, sad your own mother is, in a sense holding your son hostage. second, you will do the situation no good, especially for yourself by getting upset and out of sorts over it. third, the courts move slowly at times and it seems as though they are doing nothing. see about getting an attorney to look into the matter and let him handle it for you. they are much more experianced in these matters and know who to push, to get results. it will work out to your favor, but have patience, it takes time for the courts to put things into motion.

    for a person to reveal such details about their life and to turn his life around speaks volumes. means you're human and made mistakes just as all of have. takes courage to pull yourself up from the bottom and start over and to kick bad habits when you realize there are much more important things in life, like your own child. congrats on changing the path you were on and turning down a different direction. and others will see the sacrifice you made and that being a responsible father and putting your childs needs ahead of your own will only help your cause. it will work out, but just will take some time. just hang in there and keep the faith.
     
  5. jordan89

    jordan89 New Member

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    I am really horrible at giving advice..

    But hang in there man. Things will work out. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  6. Fathead00

    Fathead00 New Member

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    I'm sorry for what has happened to you. Make sure to get a good attorney because since your mom has done this to you she will probably try to use your past against. IMHO. Unfortunately you will have to play hard ball with her because if she is using your agreement you made with her she will use everything against you. I'm sorry I do have to say one thing not about your situation, but with people saying "god" will help. If there is a "god" would he really have done this in the first place. What he needs are the people that love him in real life. Here's a saying my wife got from facebook which really is true. You need to stay strong and sane through all of this!!!

    image-1859812216.jpg
     
  7. UrbanNinja

    UrbanNinja New Member

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    Thank you all for your thoughts.
    Unfortunately, an attorney is out of the question. I do not have the funds for that right now. I am hoping I wont need an attorney with all of the support I have from family and friends. The court is going to allow testimony from anyone that I wish to subpoena. As of right now, I have about 6 people willing to do so on my behalf. 4 of them being blood relatives.

    As for the detailed sharing of my life... I have learned to not be ashamed of who I was or who i am. I am rather proud of my past (in a sense). It is proof of the man ive become today by overcoming the obstacles my life has endured. I'm sure there are other whom may have suffered under more severe situations, but for my own actions and choices.. I am proud.

    I am trying to keep as calm as I possibly can. It is extremely difficult and I understand how it can affect my situation. So far, I feel ive done a decent job of keeping it together. This last month has just been complete hell on my family, not just with this situation. I am honestly amazed with myself on how I am dealing with it. 10 years ago, I'd have kicked in her front door without even thinking of the consequences.
     
  8. Jpyle

    Jpyle New Member

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    Courts move slowly but legally your primary parental rights should outweigh a temporary custody agreement that you entered into voluntarily. Contact the local Department of Human Services in your county. They may be able to enforce a restraining order or a writ against your mother to turn over your son, at a minimum as an advocate for your son they will provide the legal suport you need. You should focus now on getting your son back ASAP and worry about the legal paperwork later. Unfortunately, anything you do is going to permanently damage your relationship with your mother...****ty deal all around.
     
  9. UrbanNinja

    UrbanNinja New Member

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    At this point.. there is no relationship with her. Theres a thin line that has been crossed and theres no coming back from that. As far as I am concerned.. its a one way street.

    I can try and contact the local DHS, but I now live in a different county. I'm not sure if that will make any difference. I was never aware the court could appoint legal assistance in family related cases. I will look into that first thing Monday morning.
     
  10. Marlinman

    Marlinman New Member

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    Good luck w that Urban
     
  11. Jpyle

    Jpyle New Member

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    http://www.cap4kids.org/philadelphia/parent_handouts/legal_services.html

    http://www.paface.org/
     
  12. okdonk

    okdonk New Member

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    I apologise if i can't help or give a better advice. What i can say is..
    "Something happened for a reason, for a better or worse only God knows. Hang in there buddy, there is always a way out."

    Honestly, i been having a smiliar problem. I haven't talked or seen my daughter since my ex brought her back home overseas. It's a long story and it was my fault. One thing i dislike from my ex is, she always involved our daughter in our problems as her own shield. Oh well and i always kept telling myself, hoping my 10yrs old daughter will understand one day. And hopefully i can see and hug her :(.
     
  13. UrbanNinja

    UrbanNinja New Member

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    Thats perfect. Thank you very much. I never would have thought to look up these services.

    It is very well know that Philadelphia is very biased towards Fathers (amongst other things) when it comes to family court.

    I greatly appreciate all of your support. We all may not know each other personally, but i really cant begin to express how much this small amount has been to me. I cant thank you all enough.
     
  14. UrbanNinja

    UrbanNinja New Member

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    I'm very sorry to hear of this. It has only been a couple of weeks for me away from my son and a short distance of 10 miles. I cant place myself in your shoes, but from my short time and distance.. I cant imagine your feelings. I feel for you my friend. I wish there was a way I could help. This is truly the cruelest punishment a person could have.

    I often think to myself which is worse... the loss of a child or having a child within grasp but just out of reach, like some type of cruel carrot on a string.

    Good luck to you.
     
  15. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    In my opinion, an attorney is absolutely necessary. Look into lawyers that accept sliding scale payments or other low cost lawyers.
     
  16. bearrwe

    bearrwe New Member

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    I had a simular battle 5 years ago against my ex. I had physical custody of the kids and she had limited visitation. Due to some financial problems I asked my ex and her mother to take the kids for two weeks so I could take a well paying short term job out of state. When I got back they tried to fight me over custody. I didn't have enough money for a lawyer so I ended up contacting a fathers rights group. They had a lot of state law information specific to fathers custody issues, a lawyer on line that volunteered time to the group gave me advice and I was able to get a paralegal to draw up the documents I needed. It was affordable and really helped. I don't know what groups you have locally but I'd look them up if I were in your spot. I found this one site to give you an idea but I'd suggest you search local. By the way ive had sole custody for the last 5 years and it's been great.
    http://singlefather.com/support-and-custody-resources/single-father-support-groups/
     
  17. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

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    Urban,
    I am so sorry to hear about the troubles you are having. The only advice I have is to remain calm and keep your head on straight. Do what needs doing in order to get your son back safe and sound.

    prayers and well wishes from the Doghouse
     
  18. libwguns

    libwguns New Member

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    You can also look for attorneys in your area who take on Pro Bono (no charge) family law work for individual clients. Your case sounds unique since it's a grandmother refusing to give up custody, rather than the child's mother, so a pro bono lawyer might be interested in working on it. The site PhillyVIP.org could be a useful starting point.
     
  19. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    Urban, I'm in a similar situation, and like someone else mentioned, my ex is using our child almost as a shield. I've recently been accused of abuse, and now because of that, there's not a damn thing I can do except let the court do their thing.
    Fortunately, my ex is shooting herself in the foot with her crap, and Friday was eviction day, essentially making her and my son are homeless. I have no idea where the hell they're living now, or who they're living with.
    Keep your chin up. Philly is a long ways away, but maybe when this is all over, we can meet up with our sons somewhere one day.
     
  20. willshoum

    willshoum New Member

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    My brothers keeper.....

    When my oldest son and his girl friend had a child out of wedlock they named the boy and put his mothers name on the birth certificate as his last name. She is released from the hospital and hands my grand son to my wife and says I don't want him, you take care of him. We did and eighteen months later she shows up with a new boy friend and his dad to take the child from us......I made a stand but I knew it would not hold up in court. If I would have gone thru the legal process and adopted him she would have no grounds to take him from us. Hopefully he's growing into a fine young man, we haven't had contact since he was taken......:mad: