Moving to New Mexico

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by DarinCraft, Jan 11, 2011.

  1. DarinCraft

    DarinCraft New Member

    This Joke was called moving to Arizona, but in light of the recent events, I didn't want to upset anyone, so I renamed it Moving to New Mexico. Enjoy!

    MOVING TO New Mexico

    May 30th: Just moved to New Mexico. Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've found my home. I love it here.

    June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

    June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of Cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today but I love it here.

    July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do
    people get used to this kind of heat? At least it is windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer then I expected.

    July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

    July 20th: I missed my cat sneaking into the car when I
    left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and sh!t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

    July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer! And it's hot as hell! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged me $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

    July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now.
    $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

    Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the AC fixed today. It cost
    me $500 and gets the temperature down to 85 degrees I hate this stupid state.

    Aug. 8th: If another wise *** cracks "Hot enough for you today?" I am going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the
    radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!

    Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car I thought my butt was on fire. I lost 2 layers flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and butt. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried *** and baked cat.

    Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot ! and sunny, Hot and sunny, Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do **** for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next. So my $11,700 worth of cactus will dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

    Aug 14th: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 120 today Forgot to
    crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The
    installer came to fix it and said " Hot enough for you today?' My
    sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking New Mexico.
    What kind of sick demented idiot would want to live here? Will write
    later to let you know how the trial goes.
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2011
  2. AusLach

    AusLach Active Member

    July 20th did it for me... :D

  3. saviorslegacy

    saviorslegacy New Member

  4. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

    Great story!

    July 20th!!:eek:
  5. Squirrel_Slayer

    Squirrel_Slayer New Member

    I could have wriiten that story myself when I went to school in Phoenix AZ for two years. I hated that state so much, no offense to anyone that lives there, it's just not for me, that I drove a U Haul truck to my graduation, and as son as I walked across the stage, I walked out the door, got in the truck, and drove home to Kommiefornia.
  6. Glasshartt

    Glasshartt New Member

    But, it's a dry heat. And I love it here.
  7. doctherock

    doctherock New Member

    I loved it as a kid but have lived in the Northwest too long. Went on TDY down to Yuma Arizona one year and it was about 150 on the tarmac. You couldn't drink enough water. To hell with that stuff. However I now live in one of the rainiest cities in the world.
  8. Glasshartt

    Glasshartt New Member

    I grew up in Maine. Haven't been baack there since we left in '79. It's hard to forcast those 3 days of summer. Any other time would be too cold for me.
  9. DarinCraft

    DarinCraft New Member

    I tell you guys'll take all your bad weather, the heat, the rain, the sleet and plagues and I'll move you all to Hawaii.

    This can all be yours under one condition...You take all the California politicians with you:D:D:D:D
  10. Bigcountry02

    Bigcountry02 Coffee! If your not shaking, you need another cup Supporter

    Thanks for the laugh!

    Weather dry and over 100 degrees

    At least the weather is not like Al Udeid AB, Qatar - 132 degrees and humidity so thick you can cut it with a chainsaw!
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2011