Mom passed away

and what an ugly ugly ugly mess!

Don't even know if this can be done in a short story, but I'll try.

January, series of strokes, recovers, rehabs, and very happy in a GREAT assisted living facility.

Early May, her best friend gives her some left over Vicodin. I started noticing a personality change late May. Memorial weekend was an absolute train wreck, during which she decides to go home, encouraged by her nephew and the best friend. I begged my cousin to not help her, and stated that she'd be dead by the end of August if he helped and allowed her to go home. She was very angry at me for not helping her move back home.

We had no conversations, I tired of her screaming at me, and literally stopped taking her calls.

August 10th, I receive a call from the hospital... Did you know your mom has been here since 7/29, and we desperately need you to immediately go file for guardianship. This was on a Friday afternoon, I was reeling from the news, and didn't understand why my DPOA and PA wasn't valid. Several discussions over the weekend with my own attorneys, and trying to get a handle on the situation, and trying to understand what the hospitals problem was... overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe it. Bottom line, by the time they had called me, she was toast... now it was about managing her end of life desires. Monday morning I was at probate court filing the paperwork, against the advice of my attorneys who said the hospital had no standing. I chose the easy route and jumped through their hoop. There is actually a long story behind that, and in defense of the hospital, they were trying to balance out the conflicting legal issues. Emergency hearing is granted for the following Monday, and they appointed a Guardian ad litem, who I could just kiss! She was wonderful in dealing with the hospital, my delusional paranoia sister, and the "enablers". The hospital literally needed a sober grown up to make some decisions.

We were able to put in place Hospice and DNR, which were her verbal and written end of life decisions.

At the Emergency hearing, at the recommendation of the GAL, I withdrew my emergency petition, but left standing the permanent petition, hearing scheduled for three weeks later. I had walked into that court room expecting to see a roomful of attorney's based on all the emails, phone calls, and txt msg during the previous week... nothing. although there was one young suit who said nothing and left immediately after the judge rulings.

Those three weeks were living HELL, why she put so much energy trying to prevent dying instead of using it to live in the first place in beyond me. Even the nurses were calling her the iron lady. the hospital chaplain called my cousin and her best friend "evil evil people". Further suggested the best friend should climb on her broom and fly out of there... this was the CHAPLIN!

Day before the permanent hearing, I called the GAL and suggested we adjourn the hearing for a couple of weeks, which she took care of. My delusional paranoia sister was non stop and relentless with the txt msg, phone calls, etc.

There's a whole lot of other stuff that was going on through this process, but less then two hours after she passed, I received a txt msg, "when do you want to schedule the reading of the will"... That pretty much summed everything up.

Yesterday morning, I woke up extremely unsettled, and called the hospital as soon as I had an opportunity. I normally called every afternoon, not in the morning. She passed a few hours after that phone call. their news in the morning had not been good, but hell, she was three weeks into hospice!

Now just trying to get my head leveled out and somewhat normal again. We're waiting for my sister to authorize the cremation (required by all interested party's in MI), so that can be taken care of. I've fronted the money, which the estate will pay back. Kind of funny, my dead broke sister wants this huge funeral, and I had to ask how she's going to pay for it I've got her talked down to a memorial service at mom's fav restaurant... but still who's going to pay for it? I know to never talk to my sister past mid afternoon, the drinking issue begins to take hold and feeds into the delusional paranoia.

As much as I'd like to thing the fun is over, it's only just beginning, especially since the best friend is also the personal representative. I'm thinking court oversight is in my best interest. At least now, it's no longer emotional, it's business

 

Viking, sorry to hear about losing your father.

What made my situation so unbelievably bad were the three (four including mom), spinning themselves totally out of control.

Mom took my wife and I aside last Christmas (or thanksgiving, don't recall which) and she reiterated her end of life wishes, which are also written. Then took my wife aside separately and told her to make sure I stood strong and firm. Premonition?

The irony of the whole thing, the enablers that were the likely cause of her death, were the ones that were fighting the following of her end of life desires. You likely killed her and now you want to keep her alive on machines? That's just messed up. I've had to deal with my own emotions of not speaking to her in almost two months, finding out she been in the hospital for 12 days and not being told about it, having to legally FORCE her end of life decisions, all at the same time.

About a week before she finally passed, both my wife and I had extremely vivid dreams about mom. I don't normally remember dreams, but the detail of mine was phenomenal. I was working in the yard and a little girl got out of car that was driven by what looked like her mother. Little girl came up to me and asked why I wasn't helping my mom get better like I did before. I told her that I found out too late she was in trouble, and there was nothing else that could be done to help her. She thanked me, got in the car and left. What seemed so strange to me, was I knew I was making the right decisions, they were not easy, but they were right.