Mid day chuckle

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by hillbilly68, Mar 17, 2010.

  1. hillbilly68

    hillbilly68 New Member

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    A nice, calm and respectable lady went
    into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his
    in his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide.."

    The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world
    do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to
    poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and
    he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your
    husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw
    both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You
    you CANNOT have any cyanide!"

    The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture
    of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's
    different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
     
  2. mudslinger79

    mudslinger79 New Member

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  3. hunter Joe

    hunter Joe New Member

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    After a long pursuit a traffic cop pulled over a motorist for a defective stop light.
    After checking the man's drivers licenses the cop determined that everything was in order and asked the man why it took him so long to pull over. The man replied that his wife had ran off earlier that year with a police officer and he thought the cops was trying to bring her back.
     
  4. NymphoGnome

    NymphoGnome New Member

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    There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

    Dear God,
    I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money i had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
    Sincerely, Edna

    The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
    The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
    Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

    Dear God,
    How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office.
     
  5. orangello

    orangello New Member

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    ^^^ ROFLMAOSMP!!!
    It's good i'm wearing my brown pants.
    ARRRR!
     
  6. gorknoids

    gorknoids New Member

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    Ever notice that every time a wife gets pregnant, her friends rub her belly and say "Congratulations!" ?
    I'm just wondering why they never rub our junk and say "Good Job!"
     
  7. hunter Joe

    hunter Joe New Member

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    Yeah, I'm really getting tired of rubbing my own junk.
     
  8. Troy Michalik

    Troy Michalik Is it Friday yet? Supporter

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    Comic Sans walks into a bar and orders a drink.

    The bartender looks up and says "we don't serve your type in here."
     
  9. hunter Joe

    hunter Joe New Member

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    I guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to give him a bourbon and to also give that old douche bag down at the other end of the bar a drink.

    The bartender gets a little snooty and tells the guy that he run a respectable place and does not go for that kind of talk.

    The guy drinks up and orders another bourbon and again tells the bar keep to get that old douche bag a the other end of the bar a drink.

    The bar keep really gets pissed off this time, grabs a five from the guy and tells him to hit the road.

    After the guy leaves the bartender walks to the other end of the bar where the lady is sitting and tells her that the guy that just left wanted to buy her a drink and she tells the bartender to give her a vinegar and water.
     
  10. Shihan

    Shihan Active Member Lifetime Supporter

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    Two women are driving along in the country and they both have to pee really badly, so they pull off the road and climb over a fence into a graveyard.
    The first woman pees behind a tombstone, finds nothing to wipe with, so she wipes with her panties and leaves them there.
    The second woman pees behind a tombstone next to a fresh grave, and uses a ribbon from a wreath to wipe herself.
    The next day the husbands are talking on the phone.
    The first husband says, "We gotta start keeping an eye on our wives. Yesterday my wife came home with no panties."
    The second husband says, "That's nothing. Yesterday my wife came home with a card stuck to her a$$ that said, ˜We're all really gonna miss you.' "