Mental Health Issues (seeking advise)

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by BigByrd47119, Sep 17, 2011.

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  1. BigByrd47119

    BigByrd47119 New Member

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    Well, this is kind of a long story but I will try to keep it as short as possible. I'm looking for help in dealing with someone very close to me and their (I believe) undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder.

    She fits 99% of the symptoms which typically represent BPD. Most notably is her issue with chronic/compulsive lying. It can be for the most trivial of things! I wont go into too much more detail than that on an open, public, forum.

    Now I have to face the two biggest issues. Number one, she loves firearms and even owns one. Problem number two is how the hell do you confront someone with this kind of issue without just widening the divide or getting them to continue lying about it?

    I realize not everyone here will be familiar with the disorder, but for those that are, or may have experienced similar problems as I now face, I would greatly appreciate any input.

    For anyone looking to get educated on what it is exactly that I am talking about, here is a Wikipedia article on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
    Borderline personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Thanks
     
  2. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    In brief, I think unless and until she has a actual medical diagnoses, there isn't much you can do about her owning a gun and being a potential danger. Maybe tell her you'd like to take her gun for a cleaning and inspection and then just keep it for a while.

    You are in a tough situation that I don't think you can deal with or rectify without some professional help from a doctor.

    Best of luck to you. Keep her safe.
     

  3. BigByrd47119

    BigByrd47119 New Member

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    That's the core issue in and of itself. How do I get her to go to get help if she will only deny the issue exists to begin with? The only reason I suspect blatant denial is because she denies almost every lie, no matter the evidence against her.

    Thanks for the encouragement however. I don't, at this time, feel that she is of risk in regard to hurting herself or anyone around her.
     
  4. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    Borderline Personalities are very, VERY difficult to deal with. I volunteered answering phones for a crisis line many years ago. I took the 2100-0000 shift. There was this one woman who called in ALL THE TIME and she was diagnosed Borderline Personality. She was actually seeing a counselor at the time with the facility associated with this crisis line. I'm telling you, she was a handful to deal with.

    Does your friend hold a job? Have kids? Is married? Have family nearby? Maybe with further people having to deal with her you may be able to help her if you have support from others who see in her what you see in her.

    Sometimes you have to do a little tough love sort of stuff and tell her you need to pull away from her for a while unless and until she goes for help. That you find it hard to deal with her sometimes and you need to take care of yourself.

    Good luck. She's lucky to have a caring friend like you.
     
  5. BigByrd47119

    BigByrd47119 New Member

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    Yea she has a large "support network," but many of which don't understand the problem seeing as this is a recent revelation for me as well. She does have a daughter and is having issues with finding a job (living in the suburbs of Detroit).

    The only problem I see with the tough love approach is the possible irrational reaction that I am fairly sure I would get. She is rather talented at using her "love" as a weapon by withholding it from friends or family members. Gonna have to trust me on that one ;)
     
  6. JonM

    JonM Moderator

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    Wikipedia isnt a good reference for serious information on medical issues.

    My suggestion is for You to go consult with a psychiatrist, describe whats occuring and get that person's opinion on how best to handle it.

    Lying about things while dishonest doesnt mean the person has bpd. Consult a physician without your friend seek real proffessional help and advice on how to proceed
     
  7. robocop10mm

    robocop10mm Lifetime Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter

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    As a certified Mental Health Peace Officer in Texas, I have a little (very little) bit of knowledge on the matter. Personality Disorders are some of the mostr difficult to deal with. They are not dangers to them selves or others so are difficult to commit. They are in a constant state of denial, so "intervention" does not work. You can put every person they have ever met in front of them telling them they have a problem and they will twist it and wriggle out from under the pressure. THEY do not have a problem. EVERYONE ELSE does.

    Unless this is a close relative, walk away. You can't fix them.
     
  8. BigByrd47119

    BigByrd47119 New Member

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    Nor was it intended to be. Do you really think that I would rely completely on wikipedia for anything? I used that link so that others could get a general education on what BPD was if interested by the discussion.

    In my main post I pin chronic lying as the the biggest current issue because of how pervasive it is. Its far from the only symptom being met.

    I'm forced to admit that walking away is not very likely. I feel a great deal of this is my own fault. I knew something was wrong for several years, I have only just now began to discover what it may be.

    Thanks for everyones input.
     
  9. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    Did you go inside her brain and mess with it? It's not your fault. Can't give any advice, but it's definitely not your fault. Unless you DID tamper with her brain.
     
  10. BigByrd47119

    BigByrd47119 New Member

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    I only say this because I didnt wise up to the problem some two years ago. No mind tampering :rolleyes:
     
  11. trip286

    trip286 New Member

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    nah, it's still not your fault. It's only your fault if you did it. By all means, help her all you can, but don't beat yourself up.
     
  12. Vikingdad

    Vikingdad New Member

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    I would say walk away as well, but for the whole Giffords shooting. There were a Hell of a lot of people who walked away from Jared Lee Loughner while he was building up to the shooting. He is a different kind of crazy than a pathological liar (I have known a couple of those. I'm not lying about that), but if there is the chance.... I mean it is not likely but perhaps eventually?

    Walking away from Jared Lee Loughner is not a burden I would want to bear. I pray that I am never in that position.
     
  13. rjd3282

    rjd3282 New Member

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    I was married to a pathelogical liar don't walk run. Run as fast as you can she isn't going to change.
     
  14. robocop10mm

    robocop10mm Lifetime Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter

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    She is a product of her own chemistry. You have nothing to do with it. "Hanging in there" out of some misguided sense of obligation or responsibility is going to cause you untold anguish. As said, RUN AWAY!
     
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