Man Rules

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by canebrake, Feb 7, 2011.

  1. canebrake

    canebrake New Member

    21,833
    3
    0
    Man Rules [sic] (I'm not yelling at you, this is the way I got it. Maybe the OP meant to do this in all-caps?)


    THE MAN RULES

    AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN

    FINALLY, THE GUYS' SIDE OF THE STORY. (I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)

    WE ALWAYS HEAR " THE RULES" FROM THE FEMALE SIDE.... NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.

    THESE ARE OUR RULES!

    PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED "1 "
    ON PURPOSE!

    1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
    ( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

    1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.
    YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
    WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
    YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

    1. SUNDAY SPORTS, IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON
    OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES. LET IT BE.

    1.. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

    1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
    LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
    SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
    STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
    OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
    JUST SAY IT!

    1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

    1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
    SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.


    1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
    IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.


    1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
    DON'T ASK US.

    1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

    1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
    OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
    IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT , JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

    1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS..

    1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

    1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
    PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE

    1. If it itches, it WILL BE SCRATCHED.
    WE DO THAT.

    1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.
    WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE..

    1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

    1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE... REALLY .

    1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR GOLF.

    1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

    1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

    1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

    1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
    YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT; BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.

    PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH.

    PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH.
     
  2. Poink88

    Poink88 New Member

    1,116
    0
    0
    Best intro I've seen so far :D
     

  3. Mema

    Mema New Member

    120
    0
    0
    This is great.

    At least man rules stay the same. We women keep changing the rules just to screw with you guys.

    LOL :rolleyes:
     
  4. spittinfire

    spittinfire New Member Supporter

    9,663
    4
    0
    finally, one of them admits it!!!!!
     
  5. Mema

    Mema New Member

    120
    0
    0
    I just hope that masterPsmith does not read this. :D
     
  6. Shihan

    Shihan Active Member Lifetime Supporter

    8,590
    2
    38
    I have a great picture for this but I am going to save CA the trouble of having to delete it. :D
    I will just say, that about sums it up.
     
  7. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

    19,847
    3
    0
    I just gave you a thumbs up for that post Shi. :D
     
  8. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

    8,176
    2
    0
    C'mon Shi post it up. ;) It's only a 3 day vacation :rolleyes:
     
  9. Davyboy

    Davyboy New Member

    2,245
    0
    0
    Best laugh I have had in years thanks Cane. I will dine out on these words of wisdom for the rest of the year. :D
     
  10. RugerShootinGal

    RugerShootinGal New Member

    3,400
    0
    0
    That is GREAT!!!!:D
     
  11. RugerShootinGal

    RugerShootinGal New Member

    3,400
    0
    0
    That is funny. If he reads it just twist it around lol!!!!:D
     
  12. Mema

    Mema New Member

    120
    0
    0
    I most certianly will. Isn't that what we women do. ;)
     
  13. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

    8,176
    2
    0
    This is definitely getting sent to the girlfriend. It needs and edit though,

    1. Yes it is possible for me to be thinking about nothing!


    :D
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2011
  14. AusLach

    AusLach New Member

    1,553
    0
    0
    The only thing a guy thinks after getting asked that question is "Oh sh!t! What can I say I was thinking about!?"


    :D
     
  15. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

    8,176
    2
    0
    Ah see that's where I am good. ;) I have perfected the last sentence memorization ability, a very arduous and skillful undertaking. :cool: This ability has gotten me out of more jambs than I can possibly count.

    Only one girlfriend ever caught on ... but again my last sentence memory bailed me out and she never clued in on it. :D
     
  16. AusLach

    AusLach New Member

    1,553
    0
    0
    Ahh you're a lucky man, I simply wasn't born with that ability.. Can it be learned or is it purely genetic??
     
  17. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

    8,176
    2
    0
    It takes many, many years of practice. :eek: It is particularity important to start training while in grade school as ignoring teachers is a very arduous task. Training on teachers than evolves into training with coaches as you advance into middle school phase. The final phase is mastered on high school girls. One truly becomes a Master when whilst ignoring a hottie you still manage to get into the goodies at the end of the night. ;)

    I would venture that it can be learned ..... but I happen to have a God given ability for it.

    Yes, I am the Master :cool: