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Discussion in 'The Club House' started by nwrednk, Sep 11, 2010.
There was a local Priest in the town.
He had served his parishioners faithfully over the many years
As the years passed so did his heath dwindle over time.
Finally, he was put in the Hospital with a life-threatening condition.
As he laid there in Bed, he thought about how the Lord had blessed him over the years. And how God had used him to take care of his Flock. He was so thankful!
So as the days went by many from his Parish came to pay tribute to a great man of God.
He also told them; my main desire has always been. I wanted to be as much like the Lord Jesus as I could be and set an example for all.
He then the said it would be great to have some well-known people from our US Government come and see me before the Lord calls me home. My hours are numbered.
The next morning suddenly two people came to his door and walked into his room. It was Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi.
The Priest held out his left hand and took Nancy Pelosi’s hand in his on the left side of his bed.
He then held out his hand and put Chuck Schumer’s hand in his hand on the right side of his bed.
The Priest commented thank you!
I have attempted to pattern my whole life the best I could, to be a close similarity to the life of the Lord as possible.
So, I also wanted to be like him and die between two Thieves!
BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY !
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
And gave the reporters covid?