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Discussion in 'The Club House' started by nwrednk, Sep 11, 2010.
Late Night Vet Call..
Her dog was in heat, but she agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.
She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked for me," he replied
A Minnesota farmer named Olie had an accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot attorney questioned him thusly, 'Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine?"
Olie responded, 'vell, I'll tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into da...'
'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine!"'!
Olie said, 'vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas drivin' down da road....' The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Your Honor, I’m trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Olie's answer and said to the attorney, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie.'
Olie said, 'Tank you' and proceeded vell as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road vin dis huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by golly. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder ditch.
By yimminy yahosaphat, I vas hurt, purty durn bad, and didn't want to move. An even vurse dan dat, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a groanin. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans.'
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorcycle turned up. He could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her right between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'
'Now wot da fock vud you say?
I'm sure that man eats the big white mint in the lavatory, as well.
ha ha... that was a bar of soap!! (snark snark)