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Discussion in 'The Club House' started by nwrednk, Sep 11, 2010.
I remember those "trick questions" when I was in technical college well.
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin
asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse,
4 richer, 4 poorer."
r= radius of sun.
A moslem told me 3 is the ideal number of wifes.
Two will tag team you. Three are always fighting amongst themselves. more than three is the same as having two.
No number on how many you can rent.
A man walks into a bar and sees a well-decorated military officer sitting at the bar. He also notices that the man has a head about the size of an orange. So he walks up to the officer and says "That really is an impressive uniform, but I have to ask. What happened to your head?" The officer replies "Well, about five years ago I was in a ship wreck and washed up to an island. When I awoke I heard cries for help, so I went to investigate. I found a mermaid trapped under a rock. So I lifted the rock to free her, and she told me that she would grant me three wishes for my heroic deed. I wished that I could be sent back home, and she replied that she would grant that wish when the other two were made. I wished for tons of money, so she filled the island with cash, gold, and jewels as far as the eye could see. Next, I commented that I hadn't had sex for a while, and if she could do anything about it? She said 'Well, I have this fin in the way, I can't really help you with that.' So I said 'How about a little head?'"
Close, 4/3 Pi*R^3.
1.4X10 to the 27th power cubic meters. Or did you want cubic miles?
sweet, next candidate for pres of the communist party.
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very
latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money! I'M BROKE!!!" And she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" He said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
Like I've said before "Math is hard"
I'd say it is insignificant compared to the variation in the radius. Some solar flares are x times earth's diameter.
Do the dna ancestry test! I'm sure the RNC will pay for it.
I agree. And confusing. Everyone knows Pi R Round, Cake R Square and Ice R Cubed.
WTH? Dis B Murica. Wut dem meters fer anyways?
the democratic (communist) party platform!
another good democratic party deal
While on a road trip an retired couple stopped at a roadside restaurant
for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and
resumed their trip. When leaving, the old woman unknowingly left her
glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until after they had been
driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they
had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn
around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old
man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during
the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he
became. He just wouldn't let up for one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. And as the
woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses,
the old geezer yelled to her..... "While you're in there, you might as
well get my hat and credit card."
Meet Walter Barnes
All golfers should live so long as to become this kind of man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
About 80% of the congregation held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.
"Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
The pastor then invited Mr. Barnes to come down in front and tell everyone all how a person can live to be ninety-eight and not have an enemy in the world?
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all them *******s."
Then he calmly returned to his seat.
Republican in a bar.....
A union boss walks in from the factory next door and is about to order a beer when he sees a guy at the far end of the bar wearing a TRUMP “Make America Great Again” cap with two beers sitting in front of him.
The union boss doesn’t need to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican, so he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender.... but not for the Republican."
Soon after the drinks have been passed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.
This infuriates the union boss.
After a few minutes, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican.
As before, this doesn’t seem to bother the Republican. He nods and smiles, and again yells, "Thank you!"
A few more minutes pass and the union boss orders another round of drinks for everyone except the Republican.
Just as before, this STILL doesn't seem to faze the Republican who continues smiling and again yells out, "Thank you!!"
Frustrated that he can’t seem to get the guy angered, the union boss asks the bartender, "What is wrong with that Republican? I’ve ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the dummy does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts...?"
“Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."
Some times we just need to jog our memory a bit!!
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down
when he saw him. He had never been to church in his life!
After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so
glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while back,
I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that
McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every
Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and
figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to
leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal
McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10
Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all"
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said;
"After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal 'ya decided you would
rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat.