Joke Forum?

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by nwrednk, Sep 11, 2010.

  1. nwrednk

    nwrednk New Member

    380
    6
    0
    Btw, "You might be a redneck if"...

    You have ever cleaned firearms while sitting on the toilet! Now that is how I
    would describe "multitasking"! (The use of an old tv tray) made this task
    possible when the "drop-light" was lit & I wanted to finish the job!:D
     
  2. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    edited for inappropriate content
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2010

  3. nwrednk

    nwrednk New Member

    380
    6
    0
    Longhair, you have a mean sence of humor!

    But I like it! Poor Chelsea Clinton was at least spared from the "knuckles
    dragging in the dirt gene" from Janet Reno!:D
     
  4. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    Friday joke time

    inappropriate
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2010
  5. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    inappropriate
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2010
  6. user4

    user4 New Member

    3,414
    1
    0
    Jokes are fine as long as they are clean. FTF is a family friendly site. Become a supporting member for access to forums not available to the general public and contain some adult content.
     
  7. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    Where do pencils come from?...pencil-vania...Whats a wizards favorite cereal?...Luck charms...What kind of tooth is worth a dollar?...A buck tooth...What years do kangaroos like best?...Leap years...What sort of bee lives in a graveyard?...A zombee...What type of fish like jewelry?...Gold-fish...Where do cows go on dates?...to the moo-vies...SORRY...for the LAME jokes
     
  8. Jo da Plumbr

    Jo da Plumbr New Member

    4,492
    0
    0
    An Irish farmer named Seamus had an accident with a lorry and was suing the lorry company. In court their hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus..

    Solicitor:
    'Now didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'

    Seamus:
    'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow Bessie into the...'

    Solicitor:
    'I didn't ask for any details, just answer the question. Did you not tell the police officer at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine !" ?'

    Seamus:
    'Well, I had just got Bessie into the sidecar and I was driving down the road.....'

    The solicitor interrupted again and said,
    'Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident this man told the police that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

    By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor:
    'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie'.

    Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded.

    'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the sidecar and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit me right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt very bad like and didn't want to move. However , I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

    Then the policeman came charging across the road, gun still in hand, looked me up and down, and said
    'How badly are you hurt?'

    'Now what the hell would you have said?'
     

    Attached Files:

  9. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    Deer hunting

    Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his a long too. Hey I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground. A little while later one hunter said to the other, you know that guy was right. This is a lot easier!. Yeah,but were getting farther from the truck, the other added.
     
  10. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    BEAR Advisory

    The Forest Service has Issued a "BEAR WARNING"in the national forest. They're urging everyone to protect themselves by wearing bells and carrying pepper spray. Campers should be alert for signs of fresh bear activity, and they should be able to tell the difference between Black bear dung and Grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung is rather small and you can see fruit seeds and/or squirrel fur in it. Grizzly bear dung has bells in it,and smells like pepper spray!!!
     
  11. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    F b i

    The phone rings at the FBI headquarters. "Hello"? - Hello,is this the FBI...Yes what can I do for you?... I'm calling to report my neighbor jack frost,He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood...Thank you very much for the call,sir...The next day,the FBI agents descend on jack frost's house.they search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes ,they bust open every piece of firewood,but find no marijuana. they leave. ..The phone rings at jack frost's house..."HEY"! did they chop your firewood?..."YEP" Great,now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed!!!... know body got any good jokes or what???
     
  12. mrm14

    mrm14 Well-Known Member

    2,755
    103
    63
    O.K. Let me prefaced this with the fact that my lady friend form Arkansas told me this one.

    If a man and woman get married in Arkansas and get divorced in Texas, would they still be brother and sister?
     
  13. Shihan

    Shihan Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

    8,643
    129
    63
  14. freefall

    freefall Well-Known Member

    4,164
    2,910
    113
  15. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?...Last years hide-in-seek winner...What's the difference between a smart blonde and BIGFOOT?...BIGFOOT has been seen...
     
  16. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    What did the doe say when she came running out of the woods?...I'll never do that for two bucks again...What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?...one less drunk...What do pink floyd and Dale Earnheart have in common?...Their last Big hit was the wall...ouch!!!:D
     
  17. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    What does it mean when the flag at the post office is flying at half mast?...They're hiring... How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?...call her and tell her...
     
    maddog39 likes this.
  18. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    5 signs you might be a redneck...

    5-SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK...you take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree...you can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter...the salvation army declined your mattress...you have the local taxidermist on speed dial...you consider fast food hitting a deer at 65 MPH...
     
  19. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    What kind of dog does DRACULA have?...A Bloodhound...What do ghosts drink?...Evaporated milk...What does a vampire fear most?...tooth decay...What do you call count DRACULA'S cookout?...vampire campfire...How do you keep a skeleton from laughing?...take away his funny bone...HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!...
     
  20. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

    2,555
    14
    0
    Bird dog

    Buddy tells his friend that he and his new bird dog can basically talk to each other.Friend says ,right,prove it. So buddy points to some bushes and his dog runs over,sniffs around,then returns and barks six times. Buddy says,there are six birds in those bushes. Prove it says his friend. Buddy takes a shot in the air and sure enough,six birds come flying out. That's great ,says the friend,can I try that. Sure says buddy,so the friend points to some bushes and off goes the dog. This time the dog is gone for awhile,when he finally returns,he runs up to buddy's friend and starts pumping his leg. Get this crazy dog off me. The dog stops and picks up a stick in his mouth and starts shaking it back and forth, You've got one crazy dog buddy. You and that dog can't talk. Sure we can,he's telling me that there are more f##king birds in there than you could shake a stick at!!!...