i need some good advice.

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by rurak, Aug 30, 2012.

  1. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    Hey everyone. As the title states i need some solid advice. Im not sure if this is a good place to post this but everyone on here is so nice and accomdating that i guess its worth a shot. Im 29 years old and have been married for 5 years. We have a 4 year old daughter who is the light of my life. Lately my father (whom i work with everyday) has been asking if he and his girlfriend can watch my daughter. My wife and i arent comfortable with it because they drink almost everyday. My dad functions at work and only drinks after work but he constantly drinks and drives. He did it with me as a child and i realize that its wrong. My problem is this, im afraid of him. He is a very large and intimidating man. Ive always been afraid of him and have never really talked to him about anything like this. Its causing serious stress for me and in my marriage. I dont know how to tell him without it starting a war. I just dont know what to do. My wife said she would tell him but i think it should come from me. Anyone with a similar situation? Please weigh in with your thoughts. Thank you.
     
  2. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

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    Time to put on the big boy britches, son- and man up.

    He might be your Daddy, but YOU are the Daddy of that little girl. Your function in life is to see she does not get hurt- and you realize THAT is in conflict with your Dad caring for the little girl.

    Having your lady tell him that does not make it better. Is he going to like it? Oh HELL no. But frankly, that is HIS problem, not yours, YOUR problem is to care for your child.

    No, not going to be easy. I finished all the easy stuff in my life years ago. Working on the hard stuff.
     

  3. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    I know. I feel like a coward. The fact that we work together only makes it harder. Why is life so damn complicated
     
  4. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    He loves my daughter to death as well and she loves seeing him. Both my father and his girlfriend drink and he has an inground pool with no cover on it. This sucks.
     
  5. Axxe55

    Axxe55 The Apocalypse Is Coming.....

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    Rurak, C3 is exactly correct. that little girl is your total responsibilty, your father is an adult and isn't. her welfare is more important than your fathers wounded ego. just because he loves his granddaughter and you, doesn't make him responsible enough to take care of her if he drinks and drives.

    as C3 said, you need to man up and tell him in a very calm, but firm way, what your feelings are and your concerns. telling him this may piss him off, so be it. your concern is the welfare of your daughter. hearing this from you may give him reason to stop drinking.
     
  6. primer1

    primer1 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Pretty much what c3 said. What is he gonna do when you say "no, not unless you sober up"? Even if you work for him, get another job if you have to. He sounds controlling. This is another rung in the ladder of life. When the smoke clears, he should respect you more if he knows the meaning of the word.
    I have remind my father occasionally that I am grown up, when he settles down he knows I'm right, whether he says it out loud or not.
     
  7. Axxe55

    Axxe55 The Apocalypse Is Coming.....

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    Rurak, if life were easy, it would be boring!:D i thrive on complicated!:D
     
  8. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    Hes the kind of guy that will hold a grudge forever ....... he thinks he doesnt have a problem
     
  9. JD1969

    JD1969 New Member

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    Even more reason to not let him care for your daughter. I have a 5 year old girl and 4 year old boy. I am very hesitant to let anyone watch them, let alone someone who has a drinking problem. You have good reason to be concerned, if you father cannot respect your concern for her well being then he does not deserve to watch her. It's tough situation that you are in, I do not envy it, but I think you know what needs to be done.
     
  10. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    I do know. I usually run from these things but i cant keep that up. I still feel like a scared little.boy......
     
  11. ineverFTF

    ineverFTF New Member

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    My dad is an alcoholic, i know that it can destroy relationships. He has turned his life around and has been a great father and husband. I am gonna tell you the same thing everyone else has, man up. It will be uncomfortable, it may escalate to him screaming, stay calm and tell him either he sobers up or he cant see your daughter, it's that simple. I have a little sister and if i thought my dad/grandpa was putting her in the slightest danger he wouldn't be allowed near her without me around. Talk to your dad, stand your ground.
     
  12. PanBaccha

    PanBaccha New Member

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    That would be the reason you can't accommodate an accident waiting in the wings. He loves your daughter and that is good. But that one concern about the pool is enough reason not to bring up drinking but stay with safety issue and say as a father yourself: No. (Even Jesus said no once to someone wanting to be healed. If Jesus can say no, you can say it too).
     
  13. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    I know. He needs to hear the whole reason though. Ive already addressed my concerns about the pool
     
  14. ineverFTF

    ineverFTF New Member

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    How did he respond?
     
  15. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    He said he wouldn't take his eyes off her. I said it doesnt matter. Shes like lightning. He wants to take her shopping for an afernoon but i can remember him starting on the beers as early as 10 am when i was a kid on the weekends. Wtf
     
  16. primer1

    primer1 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Drinking at 10 am? You got family or friends that feel the same? Maybe an intervention...
     
  17. ineverFTF

    ineverFTF New Member

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    This sounds like the kind of guy where an intervention would piss him off, not help, just my opinion.

    To the OP i still side with the others, tell him to sober up, or he cant se her anymore.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2012
  18. downsouth

    downsouth New Member

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    I could not say it better than C3. Take a deep breath and tell him what he needs to hear and what you need to say. The consequences will be far less than if you place your daughter in his care and something happens. Matter of fact you would be negligent yourself for allowing it.
     
  19. rurak

    rurak New Member

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    I know i know. I dont know why its so hard for me. How and where would be a good place to start this war do you think?
     
  20. primer1

    primer1 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    If he wants to see her take her there and say what you have to, with your wife outside with the kid maybe. When he asks why don't you leave the kid and do whatever, drop the bomb. If he acts like an a$$hat, leave.