I need help with my military novel!

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by HenryACR, Jan 18, 2011.

  1. HenryACR

    HenryACR New Member

    I think I'm gonna start writing a novel. I like the idea so far, but I'm having some trouble figuring out how to make it realistic. I need your help in figuring out what would happen in real life if this story was true. I know, the plot is extremely unrealistic, but I'm aiming for that. Just think of it from the "epic" point of view, not the buzzkill one.

    It starts out with this brand new father whose girlfriend dies in childbirth. He decides to take his son and raise him all the same. Oh, I forgot to tell you: he's a full-time special forces operator.

    The kid grows up under the teachings of members of the most elite fighting force in the world, the Covert Operations Division (COD). They work for the President of the United States, and yet they're completely off the grid. In short, none of the operators exist. They have CIA clearance codes above Top Secret, they speak more than ten languages each, they are funded by a program in Area 51, they are the world's top marksmen, and they are all masters of self defense. Basically, they are the most combat-proven warriors in the world. This is what this kid is born into, and the team immediately begins instructing him on how to be the world's most effective warrior ever known. They are his family. By age 8 he is accompanying his family in multiple operations and missions, eventually becoming the world's fastest, strongest, and deadliest child soldier alive. His KDR is hacker-status, despite being shot more times than most real-life combat veterans. The fact that COD is employing a kid is kept on the extreme hush-hush, even for an already top-secret organization. The President allows it, as well as the control team in Area 51, because they trust the team's abilities in combat that much. So the kid continues to fight (which includes peacekeeping, surveillance, recon, espionage, all manners of combat ranging from CQB to sniper support, international negotiations, and everything else that Tier 1 Operators in real life are expected to do) until age 14. This ultimate killer's life suddenly goes downhill.

    An operation goes terribly wrong when COD accompanies a Marine Battalion into battle in the mountains of Afghanistan. A miscommunicated artillery bombardment lands directly on the squad, killing everyone (even the father) except this kid. He is badly wounded as he limps back to the Marines, who see that he will die in a few hours if they don't get him medical attention. The kid wakes up weeks later with injuries galore, and realizes that COD has been globally exposed. The true corruption of the government has been revealed to the world: the President has authorized the use of a highly trained child soldier for over 14 years.

    Now what happens? I'm having writer's block because I don't know what the legal issues of a U.S. child soldier would create. Would he be sent to school? Given a family? I don't know anything about that stuff. This is where I need everyone's help. Give me ideas on what would happen to this kid, but make sure they're accurate for the real world. If anyone can give me anything that pops into your head, I would greatly appreciate it.

    Thanks guys!
  2. NGIB

    NGIB New Member

    The story line is so impossible that you might as well write a science fiction novel, or maybe focus on retail security...

  3. JonM

    JonM Moderator

    the libs would label him a mass murderer for killing peaceful islamics and put him in prison for the rest of his life. might go for short story instead of novel.
  4. TimL2952

    TimL2952 New Member

    wow! great setup! there are sooo many ways you can go with this....placed into foster care and adopted by enemy spies plotting to destroy our nation?!!?

    since COD is compromised is he picked up by a government led clean up/cover up team?

    recycled into a new covert ops group?
  5. Ubergopher

    Ubergopher New Member

    I'll start with some gentle critiques on what I'd do differently without changing the story completely...

    1. Read Ender's Game if you haven't already, I think it describes pretty well what you'd be talking about, specifically the last chapter or so.

    2. The kid would probably be pitied, put through all kinds of therapy, the President (and possibly the VP) would probably have to resign in disgrace, probably in some back room deal to prevent prosecution. Anyone that knew about this instant outcast from anything that matters essentially.

    3. I'd agree with NGIB though it's to unrealistic to be a semi-current military novel. Throw it forward 40 or 50 years at a minimum, maybe even farther. Add in some sci-fi elements.

    4. What's your plan? Is the COD stuff the story then the aftermath be the climax and ending, or is the COD stuff the buildup, and the meat of the story how he deals with it?

    Now for the rough stuff,

    I'd ditch that story overall, the whole child soldier being the elitest elite isn't all that new. It's been done in Halo twice over (first with the Spartan IIs, then the Spartan IIIs), it was also done in Enders Game, and to a lesser extent the Shadow of... series by the same guy. Also the movie Soldier with Kurt Russel are just a few examples to come to mind.

    Maybe som sci-fi story about they have to be recruited young because it takes to long for normal soldiers to be still effective by the time they get to the battlefield due to a lack of FTL travel, then as his ship is en-route after say 8 or 9 years of nothing but training for it, they suddenly become obsolete because of FTL travel or the war ends. That of course only works if you want to do more of a character piece as opposed to an action book.
  6. saviorslegacy

    saviorslegacy New Member

    Well I can tell you right now that it will be picked on.
    You can't have an 8 years old shooting and killing like a man. He wouldn't be strong enough. I also doubt he would comprehend team work. He is all together way to young.
    If you are going to do this make him 14 to start with. At least at 14 it is believable that he can fight, kill, use team work and carry a gun.

    If I were writing this story I would change it a little........

    I like the idea of a girl friend dying and not a wife. It relates to modern culture more.

    You need to have an inner circle of men around this kid. That way he has a bunch of father figures.

    The kid needs an innocent sounding nick name. I like the name critter.
    That's what I was known as to my dads flight squadron.

    At one point in time I would have one of the guys let the kid try his cigarette. I would have the kid be about 10 or so. This would kind of symbolize how he had an abnormal childhood and how he is being raised as a man instead of a boy.

    Make him be forced into fighting. No one in their right mind would take a child along with them to fight.

    The whole thing about exposing how corrupted the government is because they have a kid soldier is corny, lose it.
    Find something else.

    The best way to beat writers block is to take a walk and watch a movie. Steal something from that movie and try and fit it into your book. Now try and change what you have stolen. It will morph and change and it may turn out incredibly different than what you started with.
    If you are having trouble with conversations in the book read poems.
    If you are having trouble describing things read The Lord of the Rings.
    If you are having trouble with jokes start making fun of your work and something will pop up. Works for me.
    If you are having trouble with working your characters out into different personalities watch Star Wars and pay close attention to each characters different personality.

    Do not plan on writing it over the weekend. I have been writing my book since I was like 4 or so. It started out with paper cut outs that were like spiderman.
    Now it has evolved into what I am hoping to be the new science fiction epic. My name, saviorslegacy, comes from the books title, Saviors Legacy.
  7. powg

    powg New Member

    kid soldier

    the teen yrs are gonna be a problem ....how can one shoot accurately with hands cramping from severe penile abuse?
  8. Davyboy

    Davyboy New Member

    Ask the Pro

    PM Benning one of the most accomplished writers I have had the pleasure reading. A true quillmaster.
  9. saviorslegacy

    saviorslegacy New Member

    Is he seriously a writer? Has he ever published before?
    If so I have a couple of questions for him.
  10. HenryACR

    HenryACR New Member

    thanks so much guys! i really appreciate all the feedback, and this has certainly been the most helpful subsection of this gun forum. i will take EVERYONE'S advice into account, so thank you all very much for your words of wisdom! im only 16 and i've never written a book before, so every little bit helps.
  11. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

    The best advice ever given new and young writers. Was given to me whence I was.

    Read, read and read. Read everyting you can. Every genre. Don't ignore the classics and pay heed to styles, diction and what makes a good story teller a great story teller? When you have that all in place, read some more. Take every creative writing class you can and write daily. For some, a journal helps and they used to preach journal keeping for structure. To me, meh. Just write everyday. Did I mention read all you can? Look, the point is to get the creative juices going and always flowing. I don't know what writer's block is..

    Oh, and never give up. :D
  12. dteed4094

    dteed4094 Member

    The Govt. Decides to place him with his dads ex wife who has an adiction and an abusive husband and also a slightly older 1/2 bro and sis with radical liberal views. He takes it upon himself to reeducate them back into reality while liberating them from abuse and gang lifestyle.
  13. DrumJunkie

    DrumJunkie New Member

    This type of story happens pretty often in anime (japanamation) and manga (Japanese comic books). If you want to see any of this as reference google a dubbed anime site that streams video. a lot of military and mecha anime have plots like this. Seems no one can save the world or at the least Tokyo unless they are 14 to 17 year olds. Often being female wearing standard Japanese school uniforms.

    Here's a link Scroll to the bottom for genre

    As for this being a novel I'm not too sure it'll work all that well. But nothing is impossible. I can't say I've seen it before in movies or books. Watching shows with my youngest has enlightened me to the two media sources I mention here. ;)
  14. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

    sounds like something fun to read if you take it in the right direction.

    Maybe train him until he is 18 then they unleash him on the world. Make him a super genius then you have a few different ways to take it. He takes over the world or someone else takes over the world and the thwarts all his evil doings.

    GEORGIA New Member

    Sorry for pissing in the punch,but i dont think the kid should stop fighting.He should escape and avoid the police,and back home in America,maybe he discovers some conspiracy and gets other black ops agents with him,they kill the bad guy,heroes,demand they stay with the armed forces as thats where his family is.

    Please dont give up.Make it confusing to us,add some twists.
  16. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

    You are too kind. Thanks, Davy.:)

    I won't crap on your story, it has potential.

    If I were considering doing one of these, I'd roll with these elements. Bear in mind, this is my personal opinion, and again, not stated to detract from your premise. It's completely different, I merely offer it for you to take what, if any, points you find useful.

    As D.J. pointed out, this has a long history in Japan. "Lone Wolf and Cub" is essentially such a story. There aren't too many ideas that haven't been done, the key is to put YOUR twist on it.

    Go average. Everybody who relates past life experiences was Queen of Egypt or a dashing highwayman. Few were ever slaves, none were midwives, and the only stable boys were the ones who bedded the Queen.

    Everybody would like to be Spec Ops, very few can. On the other hand, the average grunt can be related to, and he's been trained to kill in a variety of ways. Things come harder to him, he doesn't share the abilities of the Spec Ops guy. He's Joe Average, with a sinister ability.

    Make the kid your age, and write about what you relate to.

    Now imagine you didn't know your father.

    Now imagine you come home one day, and a locker belonging to him has been delivered to the house.

    Now imagine you research online, trying to connect to him, and you find out he's a POW.

    You dive into the locker, and find what?

    You decide to do what?

    Do you lie to get enlisted, with the hope of being deployed to your dad's location?

    Do you find dad's address book, with a list of his buddies? Do they have an axe to grind?

    Start by writing what you know, develop the idea, and hit us up for what you're unsure of.

    Good luck!
  17. Davyboy

    Davyboy New Member

    Told Ya

    he was bloody good
  18. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

    Think of it this way......

    The first "Death Wish" movie. It was raw as hell, because Bronson was Joe Anyman. He's a pacifist, he throws up the first time he kills a guy, he goes out with a wheel gun in a substandard caliber because that's what he has.

    He gets better at it as he goes along, but gets shot and nearly bleeds out.

    He's human.

    By the third one, he's indestructible, packs an AutoMag in .44, and he loses everything that made the first one great.

    Same with "First Blood".

    Rambo is SF, but he's just trying to survive in a world foreign to him, and that world is home.

    Yeah, he's a badazz, but a flawed one. In the original cut, he commits suicide. He's capable of having a tear squeezing, snot flowing meltdown.

    He's human.

    By the second one, he's indestructible, and loses everything that made him appealing.

    Make your guys human.
  19. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

    That is some great advice and can lead to a very good main character and powerful story. Not everyone is born to be great but many prove to be great when the time comes. Also, who says the main character has to be a hero or even good? Everyone, and I mean everyone has flaws. Use those to your advantage, develop them and readers may empathize with the character. Or make the character so bad that people will loathe him/her/it but may continue to be fascinated.

    Some of my favorite writers are Stephen Lawhead, Morgan Llewellyn, George RR Martin, Wiess/Hickman, early Salvatore and Jordan. Of course I have huge respect and have enjoyed the older masters ... Herbert, Tolkien and Lewis. All of these writers have something in common though, not only can they be immensely descriptive with their writing but they can develop characters that draw you into the story and keep you there.

    You want to know how great Morgan Llewellyn is? Read the Lion of Ireland. Being Irish I knew the story, knew how history played out. Yet even at the very last page I found myself physically and emotionally rooting for triumph and balling my eyes out at the tragedy. :eek:
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
  20. Shihan

    Shihan Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

    After he survives the Bombing, they rebuild him, with technology. They make him better than he was. Better...Stronger...Faster.

    Then they use him to work for OSI as an agent...Nevermind, that's been done.