How?

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by hogger129, Sep 7, 2009.

  1. hogger129

    hogger129 New Member

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    How does a guy gain more confidence with women? I have been wondering why I remain single. It's not because I am dumb or ugly or anything like that. I think it's because I lack confidence. Anybody have any advice to help me out?

    I think a large part of it is I don't do what I want. I always worry about what others think. Just as with owning a gun. I'm always worried that someone like my parents will say no. I know there are people out there that face the same problem(s) that I do. So anybody that can give some kind words of wisdom, that would largely be appreciated.
     
  2. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Hogger move out from parents house for starters and get out on your own. Bringing some hot date home to your parent's house kind of spoils the heat of passion and excitement there son for most women your age looking for financial security and maturity in a perspective partner. Drunk one-night stands don't count. :)

    Jack
     

  3. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    Confidence is a big part of it. When you enter a room, you own it.

    A big help for many people is living on their own. No adult person male or female wants to have to deal with their partner's parents at the end of the date.

    "I live with my parents" translates into "loser" to the female mind. They are looking for nesters and breeders, not mamma's boys. Manliness flies out the window when it is not your window.

    Also, act like you don't care if they like you when you first meet them. Don't talk about yourself or how 'manly' you are. Women like to laugh and feel safe. Be funny and strong. Flirt like it is a game, not an end. Compliment women on their smarts, humor and style. Save the 'you are hot' for the bedroom. Let it flow as naturally as you can. It should be natural.

    Learn these phrases:

    "You are so smart."
    "You are funny, I think we have the same sense of humor." (only if you do)
    "That outfit is awesome. I can't match a shirt with a pair of shorts to save my life."
    "Wanna come over to my place for dinner?"

    Of course, I am a 40 year old virgin who vomits at the sight of a hot female. Wait, I am a 40 year old virgin woman who is afraid of letting people see my pretty face so I let my bangs grow and I wear my glasses instead of my contacts and I like the baggy clothes so nobody will judge me based on what the media thinks is attractive for women in today's society.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2009
  4. WDB

    WDB New Member

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    First understand if a girl says no when you ask her out you won't die, it will sting a little but if you don't ask a girl out your destin to be alone a very long time. It's a small risk considering the possible out come if she says yes. Even if she says no, there are plenty more girls to ask out.

    Second be less concerned with others think and more concerned with what you think. When it comes to your life your opinion is the most important. Alway consider advice given but keep in mind it's just advice and not an order.

    Third don't be afraid of making a mistake, the only people who never make a mistake are people that never try and in my opinion that is a big mistake. Screwing up is how we learn and build personality. Stepping out of your comfort zone is how you grow as a person and no matter your age it's something you should do on a regular basis.

    Last if your close to your Dad, grab him and talk to him about this. Believe it or not he was your age once.

    Good luck
     
  5. Gojubrian

    Gojubrian New Member

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    More than likely there are girls that like you in your social circles. At work, school, weekend activities,whatever. Maybe you don't like them or are not attracted to them, but they're out there.

    Quit trying so hard and just be you. Treat people right and don't be a butthole to anyone. Girls will take notice and if they don't respect you for that then let them end up with the cheating wifebeaters.

    You don't want just any girl, you want the right kind of girl, the right girl for you. Unless you jut want to be some sort of man-whore, then I have no advice for you. :rolleyes:
     
  6. kablooie

    kablooie New Member

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    Ditto for starters.... If you can't afford it, then share a place with some buddy(s). If that still won't cut it, then it may be time to move somewhere else, translated as cheaper. Or get another job for a while... Christmas season is coming.

    Living on YOUR own for a while will definitely help you feel more confident and independent. Important to have a good foundation for your future. HTH.
     
  7. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    While I respect every member's opinion, I gotta run with the shag-a-lot. Forget that you live with your parents. Find the wildest and loudest bar skank you can find and bring her home. Use the back entrance...

    That is exactly what you need for your parents to finally say, "Move out." Maybe just the thing that will get you going. Then, you buy that pistol on your own as a man.
     
  8. kablooie

    kablooie New Member

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    Ditto again. I told my wife when we started dating... "I don't want this to be another dead-end relationship and waste time/money if we're not going to be serious." She agreed and we're still together (this month is 10 years).

    Another important piece of advice... MAKE DECISIONS, informed decisions and stand behind them. Don't *always* be compliant but have just enough rebellion to stand for what you believe in. I know the ladies dig that (as long as it something that makes sense, lol).
     
  9. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    *bowing and shaking head while mumbling to self, 'rookies'*
     
  10. canebrake

    canebrake New Member

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    wtf.gif

    I know I don't have an account on eHarmony!

    Did I log on to the wrong forum??

    Go buy a gun, a big gun!
     
  11. G21.45

    G21.45 New Member

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    hogger - no offense, but - YOU NAILED IT! A male animal with a lack of self-confidence is an absolute turnoff to a woman - An absolute turnoff! If, in fact, you are living at home, that too is a huge turnoff. You can't persuade a, 'hot chick' to put her trust in you when you're living with your parents.

    Personally, I don't think it's a matter of, 'you not doing what you want'. A self-confident adult male doesn't really care about what others think of him. Instead he cares about: (1) What he thinks of himself; and (2) what those he loves think of him. Everyone else can come and go as they please. (Except the boss. Those guys have a damned annoying way of making their opinions count!) :D

    Me? I grew up in a military school environment. It was tough and the weak among us usually spent their nights crying themselves to sleep. Straight-off, I had to learn that it was better to fight and lose than it was not to fight at all. Even on those days when I didn't feel like believing in myself, I still had to; otherwise, I would have been consumed by the, (What shall I say?) 'negative group dynamic'.

    Some of my early lessons included: Learning how to believe in myself; a prerequisite to this is to develop - by trial and error if necessary - a functional and necessary sense of self-confidence. Believe it, or not, another thing I learned is to never, never violate my own conscience. A, 'clean conscience' can make you strong; at the same time a, 'dirty conscience' can make you weak. So, I've got to ask; 'How is your conscience?' (It's rhetorical; and, you don't need to answer that question.)

    (I, once, lost a rough fight that I knew I could, and should, have won. Know, 'Why'? Because I'm the one who picked it; and, when the punches started landing hard, I suddenly discovered that I didn't really have what it took to give it back! Conscience is more of a force in our daily lives than most people fully realize.)

    If you believe in yourself (Which includes the concept of, 'knowing yourself') if you are able to learn through trial and error in the same way that everybody else does, THEN, you will find that others are beginning to seek you out instead of the other way around.

    Keep yourself clean in body and mind. When you do be proud of that fact! Develop AND maintain a clean conscience; and, be careful not to violate your own personal code of ethics. Stop worrying about what other people think; most of them are on the, 'path to Hell' anyway. If you don't excel at some sort of physical sport, find one that you can excel at and practice it regularly.

    Long range marksmanship, combat handgunning, or trap shooting could be that sport! Use regular practice in such an activity to develop your own, 'persona'. (A strong personal presence is a great confidence builder.) Now, I have absolutely no doubt that you love your parents; but, quite apparently, you need to, 'cut the umbilical cord'. Your parents made a life for themselves; you need to do the same thing for yourself; and, you need to base this decision on what you believe to be best for yourself.

    Sure, you might fail. So what! Pick yourself up and begin again the same way the rest of us do. If there is one thing - one thing - that completely destroys any chance you might have at independent reasoning and self-confidence, it is the FEAR OF FAILURE. Recognize this; face it; and start shouldering more of a risk-taker's attitude.

    Now, while I will admit that I haven't done anything like this in the last several decades, (Yes, you read right!) when it comes to picking up beautiful women, ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! Last year I ran into one of the boys from my old military school. Guess what he said about me? He told me that he remembered me as a guy who preferred to stay home on a Friday night rather than go out with anything less than a, 'spectacular female'.

    He said that all the other boys would take whatever they could get, but, not me. I always had to have the best and most beautiful. You may wonder, 'How' I did this? Well, the truth is that I didn't always succeed. Plenty of really, 'hot' schoolgirls turned me down; but, (BUT) plenty of others did not! ;)

    (And, yes, my old high school roommate was right. That IS the type of boy I once was; and, I was very surprised he remembered me that way. Quite frankly, I always thought that HE was much better looking - as well as a better athlete - than me. Nevertheless I am the one who, rather obviously, dated those girls whom he had wanted to go out with!) :p

    Hope I haven't been too rough on ya. I'm old, now; and don't waste my time, 'tickling other people's ears'. I thought you'd get more out of this if I straightforwardly told it to you like it is. Good luck!






    PS: Want to know a, 'little secret'? Beyond a doubt I've had more than my fair share of very beautiful, highly intelligent women. (In fact there's one in the kitchen, right now, making fresh eggplant for me!) Truth be known, I never walked up to a beautiful woman with the intention of picking her up without some sort of, 'backup plan or remark in mind' if she were to say; 'No.'

    If I thought that, 'No' were sincere, then, I'd immediately forget about her. If, however, I suspected that she wasn't quite sure, I'd lead her into the next step in, 'getting to know me better'. (Many women don't mean, 'No' when they say it, anyway. They're just unsure and want to keep their options open.) What's the psychological, 'giveaway' that tells you to try again? With me it was always whether or not she continued to listen to whatever I had to say. ;)

    Just so you know: There isn't a woman on this planet who doesn't like to be paid attention to - Not one! They all want to be catered to and, 'understood'. If you know how - or if you can learn - you can use this fact to your advantage.

    Lastly, never take any of this, 'courting nonsense' seriously. It's not really personal. That good looking female who just shot you down has a 50/50 chance of ultimately making the wrong choice for herself and having a miserable marriage, or even worse! (It's a documented statistic: 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce before the 7th year; so how well are all these good looking women really doing?)
     
  12. BILLYBOB44

    BILLYBOB44 New Member

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    Is this a GUN forum??

    Hog, I realize that the Club House does say "any topic under the sun" but, Son this is a GUN board-NOT Dr. Phil/Dear Abby. You'll probably have better results on a Dating Forum than this one filled with a lot of middle-aged Dads+Husbands. My 2cents worth==get a GOOD job-get your own place to live-go meet girls at Church/other Youth Groups==stay away from the bars when looking for women. Date a girl for awhile-meet her parents-and see how it plays out. Be your own man and be honest with your intentions with the girls you date, and see how it works. The more you do it, the better you'll get. Sooner or later it will work out.:);)
     
  13. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    Ok, waayyy tooo long of a response. I won't even attempt to read it all, but the gist of it was obvious, imo.

    Don't listen to G21.45 or you will crash.

    BILLYBOB44, yes it is "anything under the sun" so to me, this thread is just like open season on dove in northern South America. Plenty of entertainment. :p
     
  14. BILLYBOB44

    BILLYBOB44 New Member

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    "Anything under the Sun"

    Skull you got that Shi! right.. :D
     
  15. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Hell, he has got this much response in a couple of hours and he didn't even mention a damn thing about guns. I wonder if he would have the same response if he asked about guns on a dating forum. :confused:

    Jack
     
  16. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    LMFAO!!

    Without a doubt, Jack, the funniest and most clever post of yours ever!! No offense...;)
     
  17. BILLYBOB44

    BILLYBOB44 New Member

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    I kind of doubt it, Jack!!!!:)
     
  18. markerdown

    markerdown New Member

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    Book a vacation to Bangkok and hang out at Pataya Beach, relax, soak up the sun, see the sights. Then cruise the beer bars. Ten days of that and you'll be fine. Problem Solved :D...... markerdown
     
  19. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    What does that cost? :eek::D

    +10
     
  20. G21.45

    G21.45 New Member

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    Hey, Skull, I wasn't talking to you. All of a sudden I've got this feeling of deja vu. It's like the old days on Glock Talk when WalterGA and his 40,000 posts acted like a site policeman and passed incessant judgment, yeah or neigh, on everybody else on the board.

    In the above instance, you couldn't resist putting in your, 'worthless two cents' on a post you considered to be too long, and hadn't even read. Maybe you need to get a life. If you haven't got something useful to say, be smart and stay quiet.

    So, let me say it one more time: I wasn't talking to you. ;)