1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines. 3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: 'Hey Bubba, Big Jim , Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls... they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood and I did find what was left of his ear over by the mailbox, got it on ice. PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.' INSTALLATION COMPLETE!