How do you get your wife thinking about home/personal protection?

Discussion in 'Concealed Carrying & Personal Protection' started by dborns, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. dborns

    dborns New Member

    I work odd hours and am away from home overnight three days a week. Aside from a dog, and a monitored alarm system, I've also bought various guns for home and personal protection. I've shown my wife the handguns and explained how to use them. We've also shot numerous times together, and she is actually a good shot, but she felt the 9mm had to much kick, and no way is she going to go for the shotgun. I bought a .380, but she has yet to shoot it, and with only 6+1, I don't know what kind of protection that would give. I've asked her before what she would do if one of the doors was kicked in, or if the motion detector in the basement sounded; would she go get a gun or would she go get our kids. Her answer was she would go get them first. Scary.
    I also always tell her she needs to be sure and pay attention to her surroundings when shes out. There are times when I see her pull into the driveway at night, and shes paying more attention to the conversation on her cellphone as she walks up to the house, than anything going on around her. There was a time when I came in the door and she didn't know it was me, and just heard someone walking down the hallway. I found her frozen, standing in the bedroom as if she didn't move she would blend in with the wall or something. She said she heard something moving around, but wasn't sure what it was. Again, scary.
    I've thought about self defense classes, there are some locally. Also I have my CC, and so does her whole family, but the way she leaves her purse open and unattended, it scares me.
    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get her thinking about protection more?
  2. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

    With you being a member of the NRA, keep the monthly magazine open to that section in your "library".

    Combat Handguns has a section of "It happened to me..." and you can do the same with that.

    Discuss articles in the newspaper (like "I didn't think such things happened so close to home.")

  3. chewchew

    chewchew New Member

    Get an invisable fence around your house and get a big dog that barks when people come around.
  4. jjfuller1

    jjfuller1 New Member

    im in the same boat. my wife is one day okay with guns the next not so much. we recently had a bunch of break ins and we live in a tiny 1000 people town. after we discussed the events one of the nights soon there after she asked me to show her how to use my pistol that i have next to the bed. ofcourse i immediatly gave her a lesson... that was a couple weeks ago.. over the weekend she mentioned how she pulled the pistol out of the holster easier. and i gave her a sideways look sayng were you actually getting acquainted with it while i wasnt home? she then started joking about how it fell and blah blah.. but i was very impressed at her taking some time to hold it and such when i was working... im thinking her permit might be in the works soon if we can find a pistol shes comfortable with.. she says my .40 xd slide is to hard to chamber a round for her.. since then its had one in the tube
  5. bungiex8e8

    bungiex8e8 New Member

    i would recomment the body gaurd its small packs a punch and has a laser on it already
  6. Alpha1Victor

    Alpha1Victor New Member

    Unfortunately, I feel the only way for her to truly understand and respect it, is to experience it first hand.

    Signing out, Alpha1victor.
  7. dborns

    dborns New Member

    Good idea on the magazines. I love the stories about the BG's getting what they deserve. Got the dog- he barks when the wind blows, so thats good. The alarm system was installed professionally, and there are only a few small issues I've noticed on it where it could be compromised, but nothing that anyone else would notice. What worries me is that she's naive, and would rather open the door to someone selling something instead of possibly hurting their feelings by talking through a closed door. I'm 6'2", 200 lbs., and I don't open the door to anyone unless its a neighborhood kid selling cookies or wrapping paper.
  8. JonM

    JonM Moderator

    i took my wife out shooting the ar15. she liked the rifle so we went to a gunshow and let her try a lot of different configs. she ended up with a m4 dpms panther. she shoots it enough to know how to use it in a crisis.

    i would say get her comfy with shooting. i made it a shooting and dinner nite once a month then eased her into once a week.

    try going at it instead from a have to or be a victim into something fun to do together and the rest will follow in time.
  9. dborns

    dborns New Member

    I really like the SW Bodyguard, but again I wouldn't trust her carrying one in her purse. Of the two, I'd rather she had the revolver, but from what I've seen it doesn't have a safety, or am I wrong on that? I know my Keltec .380 doesn't have one so thats unloaded and in the safe unless I'm carrying it.

    AlphaVictor, I'm afraid your right, but I want to do what I can to keep something from happening. I don't want to seem paranoid or that everyone is out to kill. I just feel like you have nobody else to blame if you have the opportunity to learn how to protect yourself and you don't do it and just live on the idea that no one is going to hurt you.
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2011
  10. trip286

    trip286 New Member

    Mine was never really interested until we had someone try to break in the crappy little trailer we were renting while I was away on the pipeline. She pulled out the 12 Gauge and let 'er rip.

    Some one was trying to snatch the door open that was being held by the flimsy little security chain, so she grabbed the 500 out of the closet and jacked a round in the chamber. She heard someone yell "Oh FU&%!" and saw them take off running down the street. She said heck with it, jammed the barrel through the cracked door and popped one off.

    Before that happened she didn't really like having guns around, now she's pretty adamant that while she doesn't really like guns, I'd better have one.

    Thinking about the other thread, "Have you ever had to draw on someone?", I realize that I haven't had to draw on anyone as a civilian, but my wife has. Wow. That just never dawned on me.
  11. dborns

    dborns New Member

    Jon- she likes going shooting, but doesn't like my 9mm, and an older .380 I had jammed real bad so that wasn't fun. I think she would be ok with shooting the AR over the shotgun since it has less kick, but it wouldn't be something she would go get at the sound of an intruder.

    I was actually getting ready to start shopping for a 40 XD for dedicated home protection, but might look for something for her. I'll need to do some research because there are a few parameters I need to look for.
    -I've read that for women, a revolver is a better choice over a semi auto. Its something about SA's jamming more often due to the way women hold guns? I don't know, thats just what I've heard.
    -Its got to be something with a safety with two little ones running around. I don't want to get something that has to be kept in the safe and not readily accessible.
    -It needs to have stopping power, but not something thats going to scare her out of using it.
    -And the biggest thing is getting her in the mindset of protecting her home

    The other option is seeing if my Keltec can shoot +P ammo. I'm not sure if its capable.
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2011
  12. dborns

    dborns New Member

    I've told her that about the shotgun. I think that anyone that hears a shotgun being racked is going to think twice about going any further into a home they just broke into. The problem with that is you have to be ready to use it if needed. A BG is going to be able to tell when someone doesn't know what they are doing; then it gets taken away and used on her.
  13. Bizdaddy

    Bizdaddy New Member

    My wife was raised by treehugging hippies and I was raised hunting as soon as I was able to hold a 410. At first my wife was completely against guns, now she loves to shoot the 12ga loaded with buckshot and any pistol she can get her hands on. I started her off with a .22 to show her how incredibly fun it is to just shoot things. In a few weeks she's going to get her CHL(Concealed Handgun License in Texas) and I asked her "If you had to could you kill someone?" her reply "D@$n right I could to protect you or me." Our daughter is a given for both of us killing someone to protect her.
  14. DodgeThis

    DodgeThis New Member

    My wife was entirely against guns even being in the house when we got together. Then I started carrying. Oh how she hated that. One dark rainy night in the backwoods of the mountains of a strange area to us, a guy was trying some stupid stuff. It made the both of us much more comfortable to know that we had that with us. Then she started appreciating it more. I got her into shooting alittle biit. She loves sending lead down range. AND SHE'S GOOD!!! Then, just a few months ago, someone walked through our front door as I was on the couch watching TV. Luckily, my four legged furry burglar alarm scared them away before any harm was done. Now my wife carries any time she is out of bed, as do I. Not wishing for anything like that on you, however, it really does happen. Give her something to think about. Get her a newspaper everyday. If she isn't comfortable wanting to carry a gun, get her a stun gun and pepper spray.
  15. dborns

    dborns New Member

    Yeah, I carry at home also just because with the kids running in and out of the backdoor, and usually having the front door open with a locked screen door. She does have pepper spray, but its kept where probably 99% of women keep it. On her keychain, in her purse, on the kitchen counter. Not good when your in a back bedroom and you hear glass shatter in the living room. I've thought about the Taser C2, but its just as expensive as a small handgun.
  16. Werminator

    Werminator Member

    It is true that semi autos have earned a hit and miss reputation with female shooters. This is mostly due to women not holding the weapon aggressively when firing. What I mean is that women are more likely to let their wrist flex when shooting and the resulting flex absorbs some of the energy that would be necessary to force the slide open far enough to fully cycle the gun. You also see this in unpracticed shooters who are anticipating the recoil and trying to go with the gun rather than hold it steady. The problem I have with revolvers for women is that they traditionally have a thicker profile and on most women's smaller frames it is much harder to truly conceal them without them being in the way or in a place they can't be readily available. The number one thing that can prepare a woman to use a gun in a defensive situation is practice with that very gun. They must be comfortable in all aspects of operating the gun before they will feel capable of using it to defend themselves or their family. My wife hates guns but I feel bad for any sucker in my house when she grabs her softball bat!
  17. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

    I can only speak for me but what I like best about shooting guns is competing with myself. I like to see if and how I am improving. And I am new to this so I like saving my targets and looking at them. Maybe if you make it more of a 'game' she will be more interested. I see people here post targets with a grouping of 1" and I hope to be able to do that some day.

    DANG!! I would never recommend randomly shooting a gun through a cracked door. I think some lessons in safety and knowing who and where your target is in order. The last thing you want to do is accidentally hit an innocent bystander or a neighbor's house. :eek: In my opinion, even if you live out in the middle of nowhere, one should not be shooting blindly into the night.
  18. shadamai

    shadamai New Member

    This is a hard one...I did not grow up around guns at all, but I was always being told 'lock your car/home', 'watch your surroundings', 'don't go alone at night', etc. so most of this comes naturally to me. It sounds as though protection probably hasn't been much of consideration to her for much of her life. (I have a friend like this who makes fun of me for always locking up.) The suggestion to get her into a fun shooting routine isn't a bad one...she can try out different types of guns, become more comfortable with shooting, and make it part of her lifestyle. Perhaps watching/reading/discussing news events in your area might help her become more aware of the dangers every day in your hometown. I really took notice when my coworker told me about her mother's home being burglarized and when the news featured stories of armed home invasions nearby (~25 minutes away.)

    Also, sometimes it is different hearing advice from people other than your significant other. By that, I mean if she did get to take a class about self defense and interact with other women, she might begin to realize that a lot of people take the things you have been talking about very seriously. But she has to be at the point where this class would interest her and she isn't just going because she feels like she has to do it. Maybe she and a friend/relative (as a gift from you) would like to take a class together? Or maybe the two of you could go together, or if the kids are old enough, it could be a fun family activity. I remember a few self defense lessons in my middle school gym class being a lot of fun.

    As far as the purse goes, I received my CCP earlier this year and have only carried a few times (all recently), but I don't put it in my purse because a) it is harder to access, b) the purse could be grabbed or cut by a thief, meaning I won't be able to get to it, c) it would scare me to set my purse down even at a friend's house, though I don't have a habit of ever setting it down in public, and d) a gun cannot be tossed in with all the junk, especially pens, etc. floating around in my purse that could get caught in the trigger. I am not saying purse carry couldn't be done reasonably for some women, but if she leaves the purse laying around anyway, it is probably not a good idea. I had a lady at the gun store help me try out a couple of different holsters. What motivated me to actually begin carrying several months after I received the permit? A combination of more practice with my gun, advice from the women and men at the gun store, and a sheriff on the news recommending that women obtain their CCP for protection after recent violent crimes. I know a lot of people on this site are strong advocates of carrying everywhere all the time, but it was a really big step for me to actually carry for the first time when a year ago, I had never even fired a gun.

    I don't know about the whole revolver vs. semi auto for women thing. I have never shot a revolver, but I have shot different types of semi automatics without my grip being a problem. Usually any jamming was due to a dirty rental gun or the magazines on a used gun I just bought needing cleaned and oiled. I took a class and learned to hold a gun correctly and haven't experienced any issues with that personally. Maybe I am just weird, though...
  19. hardluk1

    hardluk1 Active Member

    Do you have a indoor range near by? Most of them have a lady's night and female instrutors any more and getting her to go to lady's night or day just hangind with some like minded women might be the catalyst she need to get her to think about hiow she carrys here self all the time.
  20. Tetelestai

    Tetelestai New Member

    For what it's worth:

    My wife's father is in the Air Force and has had guns for the length of her life. She is pretty comfortable with the concept of owning guns (in fact, I was raised without guns and SHE bought me me first gun for Christmas when we got engaged). That said her dad didn't do a ton to make her comfortable shooting until she was older, and she really only shot .22 rifles, almost no handguns.

    She enjoys shooting, and I make a point to show her how to handle every gun I own, and have her shoot it at least once, even the bigger guns (she shot my nagant, she didn't like it very much, but she CAN shoot it, and can do so with accuracy (which I pointed out quite enthusiastically)).

    Since I've gotten my carry permit, I carry from the time I'm out of bed to the time I go to bed ( the only exception being that I'm working on my phd and college campuses stop crime by asking criminals and law abiding citizens to not bring weapons on campus -unlike the criminals, if I get caught, I get kicked out of my program.) she would make fun of me and ask "do you really need your gun right now?" while we were at home. That has lessened as time has gone on as she has gotten accustomed to me carrying, and decided she would like to carry pepper spray because she felt she couldn't pull the trigger and kill someone.

    All that said, what has done more for her acceptance of guns for self-defense is being with other women who are at-least open to the idea of carrying. Her cousins wife has a carry permit (but doesn't carry often) and her aunt replied that when she moves out of NY next year, she would like to get a permit as well. They both mentioned they would have no problem pulling the trigger in self-defense. All this culminated in her making the comment the other day while walking in a park "so I don't have to worry about getting mugged. At least not now anyway" (implying she felt safe because I was carrying) which led her to say she really wants to work on her handgun skills, and make sure she is proficient, wants to shoot a number of calibers, etc. AND her saying that if she felt comfortable with the gun, she wouldn't have a problem pulling the trigger.

    She still isn't sure she would carry at work, because she would have it in her purse, which is unattended and unsecured, but I'm making progress!

    That ended up being much longer than I intended, but to boil all that down:

    Exposure to guns helps

    When she does shoot, make sure you encourage basically everything she does related to it (e.g I know that had a lot of kick, but you handled it REALLY well, or wow your pretty accurate with that thing) I say that both as a function of my experience with my wife AND as a function of a ton of research showing praise increases behavior)

    Try to find out if any of your friends wives (or your wife's friends)carry or are open to it, and attempt to get them talking about it ( I wouldn't suggest "hey Jane, can you tell my wife here why she needs to carry a gun?"