how can I deal with my wife having cancer

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by akers06, Apr 16, 2012.

  1. akers06

    akers06 New Member

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    Hey guys we just found out today that my wife my have cervical cancer. She's only 25 and I'm 23 I was just wondering if any of you guys have gone through this and how you dealt with it and what I can do to console her
     
  2. Tackleberry1

    Tackleberry1 New Member

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    Akers, I'm very sorry to hear that, especially given your wifes young age. I believe if this is confirmed the Dr's will want to perform a radical hysterectomy which "if the cancer is isolated" can save her life and rid her of the terrible disease however, it will also mean she can no longer bear children and for a 25 year old woman, that may be more upsetting than the cancer.

    All you can do is be there for her and reassure her that you'll always be there for her.

    I don't know if children are in your plans but if they are, your wife could undergo the initial phases of invitro were multie eggs are harvested and frozen for future use. This would at least give you the option of using a surroget mother to carry a child that would genetically belong to both of you.

    I only mention this because it worked for us, not the surrogate, but the invitro process. The ability to have a chance at her own children may make the prospect of loosing her ability to carry a child a bit more bearable.

    I will pray for both of you and hope for the best.

    Tack
     

  3. akers06

    akers06 New Member

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    Thanks for your prayers....we already have three kids and have decided we don't want anymore so that isn't that big off a thing she is just scared of the whole situation.....and yes hopefully the cancer is isolated and a hysterectamy will take care of it
     
  4. jordan89

    jordan89 New Member

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    Sorry to hear that. Prayers inbound.
     
  5. primer1

    primer1 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Sorry bout the news. I lost a few family members to this. Tell her a positive attitude is everything, stressing will lower your immune systems ability to do its job. From what I know, some docs might nor tell you either.... Cancer feeds on simple carbs(sugars), eliminate them from her eyesight. If you buy bread, get WHOLE GRAIN, research the benefits and make it a habit for everyone in the house. Fresh fruits and vegs fight free radicals in your body, which help cancer cells to reproduce. Google "superfoods", blueberries, broccoli, peppers, etc. Also, exercise helps your body heal by increasing blood flow. Finally, consult a pastor, priest, rabbi or whatever for guidance. If you haven't yet, you might be surprised.
     
  6. Yunus

    Yunus New Member

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    Listen to her, don't try to solve every tiny issue that comes up at this point just let her vent to you.

    Look for a local support group.

    With respect to what primer1 stated, I have a friend who has a brain tumor and he has a nutritionist that specializes in not only brain tumors but his specific type. I'm sure a proper diet is a big help but consult a real expert for this type of advice.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2012
  7. akers06

    akers06 New Member

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    Thanks for the help guys....I'm trying to keep her calm and not stress and keep her going on with the day like any other day.....thanks for the prayers also....its all really overwhelming right now
     
  8. dog2000tj

    dog2000tj New Member

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    prayers and well wishes for you and your family
     
  9. downsouth

    downsouth New Member

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    Man that is though. I can only offer prayers and the wisdom of a song. Keep us informed and know we want to help by atleast listening.

    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxIt70j_SPk[/ame]
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2012
  10. akers06

    akers06 New Member

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  11. Wrecked

    Wrecked New Member

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    Akers,

    My wife was also diagnosed with possible cervical cancer in 1998. She had cryo-surgery to remove the suspect cancer and luckily it ended there.

    I totally understand what you as a spouse are going through. The best advice I can give to you is to try and keep her positive and like others have said listen to her. I know the stress on my wife was enormous. Have your shoulder ready for a good cry and don't take anything personal if she occasionally lashes out.

    Praying for the best for your wife and you.
     
  12. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

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    To my (much) younger brother-

    First, my prayers for you and your family- prayers for strength and peace.

    Second, Women tell us things, not understanding from a GUY standpoint, WE think they are asking us to fix what is wrong. Sometimes they are, but a lot of the time, they want to TELL us what is going on. Learn to sit, open ears, close mouth except to say "Yeah. Uh-huh. " and maybe some assorted "Ummm's and Ahhhs". Let her talk.

    Third, there are stages that people go thru when told that they have a serious illness, or are dying. They include disbelief, denial, fear, anger, bargaining, grief, and acceptance. All except the last are in no particular order. Know this and expect them.

    If your wife has confidence in her doc, great. If not, find one she does. Be aware that there are lowlife scum that prey upon folks in your wife's condition. They are charlatans that offer hope, but interfere with legit medical care. If you ever hear something like "Reverend Montesque and Sister Maria are so wonderful- they told me I need to quit taking that medicine, and buy their special magnetic wands to draw out the sickness." you will know you have encountered them. Give us a shout- we'll help you move the bodies.

    Men and women both may react to a problem with their reproductive organs by feeling they are less of a man- or woman. Talk to any guy that has had prostate cancer. Be sure to tell her you love her, that she is pretty, she is sexy, she is cute. Yeah, she knows that- but she may need to HEAR it. Often.

    The path you will be taking has had many earlier travelers. Be sure to talk to them, and get some idea of what is ahead. Yes, referring to support groups. Some of us guys get stupid, decide a real man does not need that sort of thing. Wrong. Even a great infantry commander reads the maps, and listens to the scouts.

    And you are going to need someone to vent to- when YOU get mad- when YOU feel neglected, abused, ignored. It can be your priest, a good friend, or any of us here. Do not make it your bartender, or that SO sympathetic divorcée that works with you.

    Please understand that this advice comes from someone that is trying his best to care for a wife with a fatal, untreatable illness. It is not easy. It IS part of being a husband.
     
  13. akers06

    akers06 New Member

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    Thanks for all the support everybody....I love this site and how all you guys are there to help me when I need it....


    C3shooter
    Im sorry to hear about ur wife and thanks for the advice also
     
  14. bkt

    bkt New Member

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    akers06, my thoughts and prayers are with your wife and you.
     
  15. akers06

    akers06 New Member

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    Thank you bkt
     
  16. CGO

    CGO New Member

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    When I found out I had breast cancer I went through all kinds of emotions. I don't know how husband put up with me but he did. He put up with me screaming, crying, fear of dieing. You name it I went through it. Just let her get her emotions out. Don't take anything she says hurtful to heart. She doesn't mean to hurt you, she can't help it. Read up on every thing you can get your hands on about the treatments she'll be having to deal with cervical cancer. Just be there for her cause no matter what she needs you. It's not going to be easy but with time it will get better. Prayers sent.....
     
  17. Mosin

    Mosin Well-Known Member

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    aker06. I went through this with my girlfriend when I was 21 and she was 20. She had cryo and came out okay. I'll send a prayer your way and if you guys need anything I'm here from a distance, and I'm sure a lot of guys here are too. I can't imagine what she went through, but for me it felt like being punched in the gut. Everyone is different so I can't tell you how to feel or how to act around her. She is young though and if I recall correctly, at least in our case it was easily treatable. People hear cancer and think the worst but it isn't always the worst. Just never give up hope, never lose a positive attitude.
     
  18. akers06

    akers06 New Member

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    I'm glad everything was ok with your wife and if my wife ends up having it hopefully the surgery will take care of gets also .....thanks for the advice and prayers
     
  19. akers06

    akers06 New Member

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    Thanks for the advice and prayers and I hope you got rid of you cancer also
     
  20. akers06

    akers06 New Member

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    Thanks man and yea I just feel like somebody has taken my breathe from me. I want to be there for her and do everything I can for her and not show her I'm scared also bc I would go crazy if I lost her