Help, Serious Question!

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by JordanHeezy, Apr 9, 2013.

  1. JordanHeezy

    JordanHeezy New Member

    I am 19 years old and are still living at home with my father. He has recently been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and underwent a serious surgery where most of his colon has been removed. After he heals from this surgery he will undergo necessary Chemo treatments. Now to get to my question. My father has never had "suicidal" tendencies but I am worried with the multiple guns we have in the house one day he will give up hope and do something irreversible. What should I do?
  2. Axxe55

    Axxe55 The Apocalypse Is Coming.....

    man, that's a really tough question. i wish there was an easy answer, but i don't think there is one. my best suggestion is to give him all the support he needs and listen with your heart. maybe also keep the firearms locked up?

    i wish i had some better suggestions, but i know that if i were in the same situation as you, i would probably be just as confused as to what to do as well.

    i wish you luck and hope that he does get better. prayers sent your way.

  3. Rick1967

    Rick1967 Well-Known Member

    I do not envy you. That is a tough situation to be in. But a man does not need a gun to end it. I talked about a man that I knew that commited suicide last year. He drowned himself in a canal. If he really wants to do it there are plenty of other ways. I would sit down and talk with him. Find out what he is thinking. Just be there for him. That is the best thing you can do. If he is a shooter, dont take away something he loves. That could be the last straw.
  4. Jagermeister

    Jagermeister New Member

    Not sure since each human being is different. Both my mother and biological father have had cancer, and both households have firearms. They have loving families and reason to live on. I bet you are a good reason for your father to live on. Continue to do things with your dad and show him your love. Talk about things in the future and include him in the picture. If you do start to worry, and you see signs, tell him your concerns. I know there are support groups for those with cancer, or survivors. Main thing is your dad needs your support and love. Now it is your turn...Stay strong.
  5. orangello

    orangello New Member

    At least it is colon cancer; it has pretty good survivability, compared to some other cancers. Try to keep him from getting that depressed.
  6. KJG67

    KJG67 New Member

    ^^ THIS ^^
    From personal and professional experience, a supportive and understanding family helps a great deal.

    - He may not feel he needs to go to a support group right now. Most anyone will be down in this situation off and on. Chemo can be be rough on people - don't take that the wrong way. He has a right to feel sad and crappy. You all do. But there may come a time when the only people that really understands what he's going through is people going through it. The hospital should have a group he can attend either alone or with all of you. He may not want all of you in the room so he can vent without hurting any of you. That's great if he needs that.
    - You and your family need support also. You need to talk about it, both with him and alone. Family support groups are important too.
    - Don't forget to laugh and keep the daily routine as normal as possible. He's alive and wants to see you grow up and experience life! Plus it's a great time to open up some of those old board games or poker chips that may be collecting dust.
    - If he shows signs of depression or suicide, tell the doctor or nurse (don't throw the word suicidal around loosely though). They can and do give anti-depressive medications to cancer patients regularly. Also, you don't have any obligation to mention you have firearms in the home.
    - If you're really concerned about this, do you have a really, really close fellow gun owner that could legally keep your inventoried ammo for you? I don't think he'll be out driving for a while, so that concern would be easily resolved.

    Keep your chin and spirits up. He's lucky to have a kid like you, and obviously raised you to be a caring and compassionate young adult.
  7. eatmydust

    eatmydust New Member

    Love him and be there for him, when he needs you (to the best of your ability).

    Talk with him and seek out whatever support YOU may need, offer to help him find the support he may need.

    I recommend not locking away his guns, unless you feel he may become a danger to others, or he becomes dependent on serious pain killers and is not of his right mind.

    Your father may feel a loss of control over his life and future, I would advise against adding to any feeling of loss of vitality, independence and/or control over his life.

    Hopefully, this is not anywhere near the end for your father, make peace with him and his eventual demise, because it is inevitable, as it is with us all.

    This is only my opinion, not gospel.

    No matter what love him and pray for him, sometimes those are the only things we can do, and the only things we need to do.

    God bless you, him and your family and friends!
  8. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

    Consider regular check-ups for yourself.

    Be positive and strong.

    And don't be afraid to say "I love ya Pops!"
  9. trip286

    trip286 New Member

    My uncle passed from colon cancer several years back. He was a hunter, avid outdoorsman, and general shooter. Loved his guns. No real strong faith in God either, but never once seemed to consider the possibility of suicide.

    Jordan, one of the best things you can do is to love your father, and show him that you do. Make mention of all the things you can do together when he recovers. Be sure to mention how you're so happy he's going to beat it. Keep him pumped up. I'm sure he'll get down occasionally, but damn, that's colon cancer for ya. Be there for him.
  10. BeyondTheBox

    BeyondTheBox New Member

    I'll be alone in my thoughts and recommendation here, as I almost always am, but...

    Respect his right to do what he thinks right for himself. Ask all the questions you'd like, but don't make any decisions or think for him.

    Nobody can nor has any right to judge or determine what is right for another. It's only self-centric and righteousness that leads one to assume for another.
  11. orangello

    orangello New Member

    Absolutely, but keep in the back of your mind that sometimes, the chemo can make you a little loopy. My Mom was even weirder than normal during her chemo season, a little more paranoid and MUCH more concerned with how others looked at her. Also, there is a time to say "dumbass! you are getting over the cancer; you can and need to accept help." (be prepared to duck) I maintain that driving yourself 30 minutes down the highway and through traffic to and from your chemo treatment is just a bit too stubborn.

    She had it in 1995, no reoccurences or anything; she is as normal as she ever was.
  12. MisterMcCool

    MisterMcCool Well-Known Member Supporter

    My mother is going through the same thing. She had chemotherapy first to shrink the tumor then the operation to remove the affected section of her colon. She has a colostomy bag now and just finished another round of chemo. We are still waiting for an appointment to have the colon reconstruction. She lost some of her hair and most of her strength but none of her mind. I really think you have nothing to fear. Keep in touch.
  13. therewolf

    therewolf New Member

    Although all cases are different,
    I have a member of my extended family
    who was diagnosed with colon cancer
    over 25 years ago. He had a large section
    of his colon removed, gets regular
    treatments and checkups, and is
    still with us, going strong.

    No disrespect, and certainly not to make
    light of your particular situation, but in many
    cases nowadays, the big C is no longer the
    horrific death knell which it once was in years

    Best wishes for a positive outcome for you.
    You are in our prayers.
  14. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

    Keep the firearms locked and keep communication with him.
  15. ScottA

    ScottA FAA licensed bugsmasher Lifetime Supporter

    I think one of the most important things you can do right now is to trust him.