A 9mm or .40 S&W are higher pressure rounds, so they can be more "snappy" than a low pressure .45 that seems to give more of a hard "push" in the hand.
Also the height of bore over the grip has a lot to do with how recoil feels, as it can make muzzle climb better or worse. I have a G21, a couple 1911's and a Sig 220 in .45 ACP. The Sig seems to have more muzzle flip, while the G21 seems to have the least and the 1911 is in the middle. Also consider grip contours and how that distributes recoil forces in the hand. A thicker grip will distribute that recoil impulse over a larget surface area which could make it seem to be a lower recoil.