Future Shows that RULE!!!!

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Benning Boy, Mar 24, 2011.

  1. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    The following thread will contain offensive language and imagery.

    Reader discretion is advised.


    Hi! Dana White here.

    I'm taking you on a sneak preview of shows currently under development to counteract the f****** s****y shows mentioned in that other thread.

    Join me as I lock some f***** hardcore guys from a f****** gun forum in the nurturing of shows that men REALLY want to see.
     
  2. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    "The Biggest Winner"

    Take 10 anorexic women. Feed em.

    Watch as they f******* plump up, like a packet of sea monkeys coming to life.

    See a panel of these f****** guys critique, foster and evetually cure these women.

    Sasha takes to the scales. On day one, her bikini was falling off, as she was 68 pounds, and felt like she was still fat.

    Two weeks of Peanut Butter M&Ms, and she's a buck eighty.

    Dillinger: "How you feeling, Sasha?"

    Sasha: "I feel obese. I don't like myself."

    Tango: "I don't care if you like yourself. I like you. I'd **** the snot out of you right now. In fact, I think I will! Come here, girl! Tango's gonna rock your guts!"

    Sasha wipes a tear, smiles. "Really?"

    Watch the healing begin this fall......
     

  3. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    "Ice Road Tree Fellers"

    A f****** show guaranteed to captivate guys like Cane, and all you other f*****s that spent the winter in 70 degree plus misery, see how the rest of us live.

    You're a Northern guy. It's 4 degrees outside, and the foot of snow you were supposed to get is two feet. A tree branch has fallen on your cable, and the f****** cable company can't get up that hill.

    Like a giant Nordic God, you head out to the car. You drive to Lowes, you get you a tree pruner. The little queer behind the register shakes his head sadly in his little blue apron as you head out the door to do battle with twisted bark, cable, and power lines, all in a wind chill of -20.

    Yeah, for some of us, this is a yearly thing.

    See man defy Nature herself, armed with a 30 foot pole with a saw on the end, this fall....
     
  4. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    "The Deadliest Catch-Military Edition"

    You watched those f***** guys float around on the ocean, trying to catch crabs.

    Sailors know how to do it effectively.

    See guys who've spent 6 months on a f****** boat pull into Thailand, and get a 3 day liberty. See how many crabs they pull in.

    Watch them navigate vicious pimps, lady boys, and the Bangkock PD in search of......The Itchiest Catch.
     
  5. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    "The Economy featuring Jon Stewart"

    Watch as we fire Jon Stewart, then follow him as he tries to get a real job in an Obama economy.

    Watch as two and a half years of nut nuzzling the Prez means diddly squat as the harsh reality that the rest of us face drops the soap and asks Jon to pick it up.

    See Jon getting fitted for his Mickey Dee uniform, and answering to his younger, hipper manager, Tosh.

    This f****** fall.
     
  6. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    "The Ultimate Survivor"

    I ask guys all the time. "Do you want to be a f****** fighter?"

    The last 3 seasons, I've been left wondering.

    I'll know now.

    No more cushy house. No more free booze. No deluxe gym.

    One dirty island. Five days without food. One steak hanging from a tree. The winner eats.

    Coaches Tank Abbot and Cabbage Carrera.

    This fall......
     
  7. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    "Officeland"

    Some of you f***** guys like "The Office". Some of you like "Gangland".

    I say save time. Watch both.

    "Gangland" warns you that gangs you never heard of are growing and coming to your town.

    B****s don't know there's already an office in your town.

    Marty "Spreadsheet" Feldstein is the leader of "The Staples Crew". He's ramping up for an upcoming softball game against rival gang "The Officemax Vatos".

    "Okay, so the H.R., Darla "Bulletinboard" Jones posted a sign up sheet, but none of you esseys is on board. What's up, locos?"

    Marty's chief personnel officer, Viday, speaks up. "Marty, the fellas would like uniforms. Maybe we could wear Kiss style make up, too, you know, like in "The Warriors".

    The break room buzzes with nods.

    Marty keeps his pimp hand strong. "Alright. Tell the receptionist to dip into petty cash, and check the styrofoam cups marked "coffee fund". We'll get uniforms."

    The break room erupts as the carpal tunnel gangsign is thrown up, this fall.....
     
  8. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    *_______*

    Okay, I'll stop now......:eek:
     
  9. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    That generated two thumbs up from me. LMAO!! Some of those would definite MUST WATCH TV.

    I have to think to be able to compete at this level.
     
  10. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    What about a new modern shartfoo tv show.

    Where I travel around the country looking for douche bags and kid touchers and kicking the living crap out of them all while taking you on a epic journey of fast food eateries.
     
  11. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

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    A totally new series- Dr. Dog Repo Ice Road Wild Survivor Nanny Catch.

    Each week, our crew picks a disfunctional household. They conduct a forcible entry at 8:00 PM. They destroy all TVs with buckshot, and computers that are logged into anything not gun, porn, or survival related. Using 12 lb hammers, they destroy all mobile communications equipment. All bottles of Chardonay or Zinfandel are used for an impromptu round of skeet with .40 or .45 caliber handguns.

    The kids are told to get the crap off the net, shut up, and do yer frickin' homework- NOW. Or face working for Mickey Dees the rest of your life- few people hire art majors.

    Dad is given a bottle of Padrone, told to Cowboy Up, take Mom off for some "quiet time", pour a couple of shooters in her, and rock her world. She will no longer feel a need to watch Oprah, The View, or Dr. Phil. Side effects- she may want to go get a tattoo.

    Depart, leaving behind tickets for the next NASCAR race in the area.
     
  12. Ruger1974

    Ruger1974 New Member

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    Omg

    OMG Benning, LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!What a ccard you are!!!!! Would totally watch these shows!!
     
  13. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Okay, you f***** guys want it? Here it is.

    A dusty Old West town. A stranger walks down the street, past the whores at the saloon, toward the general store.

    Kwai Tango Caine wanted only water and beans. A Shart-lin Monk, he had need of nothing else, despite walking for weeks in the arid desert, barefoot.

    The Shart-lin way taught him to contest against none. Too bad that path wasn't followed in the burgeoning, developing old West.

    Three toughs in front of the general store were playing checkers on a barrel as Our Monk approached.

    "Well, lookee here. A Chinee!" said the largest. The other two laughed as they all stood.

    The smallest chimed in, "Whatcha want, Chinaman?"

    "I come for beans...and....water," he replied, eliciting more laughter.

    He'd been here before. It was time for a flashback, where the camera pans to the sun, a flute plays, and we are transported in time to our hero's youth, back in the Shart-lin Temple.

    Young Tango, head shaven, walks past the training area, where disciples are seated in deep horse stances, harmonious sounds erupting from their butts.

    He is accompanied by Blind Master Poo.

    "Master?"

    "Yes, Azzhopper?"

    "Why must I learn the ways of Shartfoo?"

    The Master smiles. "Because, Azzhopper, though you will be a man of peace, you will get into two fights per episode. They will be fast, until you throw someone, and they will fall in slow motion. You must learn to transform diarhhea into daggers, turn turds into truncheons, squiggypoos into spears.
    Only then will your show run 3 seasons."

    Young Tango nods, and smiles.

    Depending on response, this might not even f****** wait till Fall, I might do this one now....
     
  14. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    I can get a camera. We could do this.....:cool::cool::cool:
     
  15. Ploofy

    Ploofy New Member

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    If you guys do this and put it on the web, you'll all become rich.
     
  16. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Scubie shot me an idea, I was gonna do it as he suggested, but I think he has gold.....

    Gimme 3 forums.:confused:
     
  17. AusLach

    AusLach Active Member

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    Benning + blade + kangaroo + steel cage = Ultimate F****** Cagefighting


    Because we all know that Dana White's crew are really only pussies.
     
  18. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

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    Pick a Politician Cage Fights! You pick a politician you want to go 1, 3 minute round with, no holds barred!!
     
  19. Dzscubie

    Dzscubie New Member

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    Guys, what Benning is looking for is the names of some other forums

    Benning here are a couple -
    Saneguns.org
    bradycampaign.org
    handguncontrol.org

    Here are a couple of other firearms forums
    ar15.com
    snipershide


    Scubie
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2011
  20. freefall

    freefall New Member

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    I'm all for the Pick a Politician Cage fights. I call Mark Begich (I'm scared of Lisa Murkowski).