FTF Twas the night before christmas.

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by cpttango30, Dec 4, 2009.

  1. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    I want you to copy and paste this into the response and add to it. Lets see where this goes.


    Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
    Not a creature was stirring, not even the zombie mouse;
    The grenades were hung by the chimney with care,
    In hopes that dog zombies soon would be there;
    The children were nestled all snug in their fart sacks,

    While visions of dead zombies danced in their racks;
    And mamma in her 'red dress, and I in my helmet,
    Had just settled down for a long zombie look out,
    When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from my position to see what was the matter.
    Away to the window I flew like a flash,
    Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
    Then Locked and loaded in a dash.
     
  2. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

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    A classic Tango poem, filled with Tangoescent niceties!!
     

  3. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
    Not a creature was stirring, not even the zombie mouse;
    The grenades were hung by the chimney with care,
    In hopes that dog zombies soon would be there;
    The children were nestled all snug in their fart sacks,

    While visions of dead zombies danced in their racks;
    And mamma in her 'red dress, and I in my helmet,
    Had just settled down for a long zombie look out,
    When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
    I sprang from my position to see what was the matter.
    Away to the window I flew like a flash,
    Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
    Then Locked and loaded in a dash.

    When out of the door, the porch torn asunder,
    I blinked, and then gazed, and my eyes filled with wonder
    A jolly old elf, dressed in red, I did see,
    Giving a gift to the lad on his knee

    I stepped to him slowly, rimfire by my side,
    And looked in his face, as my rifle he eyed
    "Merry Christmas to you!" was all he could speak
    I junk punched that jolly kid touchin freak

    I punched him and punched him
    In his Santa sack
    I twisted and kicked it
    Until it turned black

    He fell to the ground, with a wheeze and a cough
    Then he let out a sneeze, and his junk fell right off.

    I returned to my dinner of groundhog and beer,
    Merry Christmas to you, and a Happy New Year
     
  4. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

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    And leave it to Benning to...Finnish what Tango started!! :D
     
  5. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    LMFAO!!

    Classic Tango via Benning. Beats the hell out of Santa....

    JD
     
  6. NitroxAZ

    NitroxAZ New Member

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    ROFL!!! That is some good stuff.
     
  7. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    That's what we're supposed to do, right?:confused:
     
  8. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    LOL - I think Tango's idea was to carry it from member to member, a verse here and there, not paint the story to THE END... LOL

    It was damn good though. Kudos to you, My Friend. ;)
     
  9. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Ooops!

    Disregard, someone else have a go.:eek:
     
  10. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    don't worry benning it was great....
     
  11. Dzscubie

    Dzscubie New Member

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    When out of the door, the porch torn asunder,
    I blinked, and then gazed, and my eyes filled with wonder
    A jolly old elf, dressed in red, I did see,
    Giving a gift to the lad on his knee

    I stepped to him slowly, rimfire by my side,
    And looked in his face, as my rifle he eyed
    "Merry Christmas to you!" was all he could speak
    I junk punched that jolly kid touchin freak

    I punched him and punched him
    In his Santa sack
    I twisted and kicked it
    Until it turned black

    He fell to the ground, with a wheeze and a cough
    Then he let out a sneeze, and his junk fell right off.

    I returned to my dinner of groundhog and beer,
    Merry Christmas to you, and a Happy New Year

    As I sat at my table enjoying my beer
    I chuckled and laughed and rechecked my gear
    While out on the lawn that black sack was a wiggle
    And Santa crawled out looking wild with a giggle
    He was bleeding and brused and beat all to hell
    But He reached in the sack and said I’ll send him to hell
    Out came a rifle and plenty of rounds
    And towards my house he went with a jump and a bound…..
     
  12. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Ooooh, check you out.

    Very well done, sir.:cool:
     
  13. Dzscubie

    Dzscubie New Member

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    :cool:Well, I just could not just let it end like that could I ?
     
  14. gorknoids

    gorknoids New Member

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    Amused as I was that the eunuch would risk it
    I called for my dog and I gave him a biscuit
    Now he's not a yapper, a humper or biter
    But his collar is rigged with a Foo Gas igniter
    "On fuel-bombs, on Claymores, on floodlights and lasers!"
    As Wifey outfitted the children with Tazers
     
  15. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Never, in the recorded history of man, has "eunuch" been worked into a Christmas poem.

    You saw it here first, folks.
     
  16. Dzscubie

    Dzscubie New Member

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    Amused as I was that the eunuch would risk it
    I called for my dog and I gave him a biscuit
    Now he's not a yapper, a humper or biter
    But his collar is rigged with a Foo Gas igniter
    "On fuel-bombs, on Claymores, on floodlights and lasers!"
    As Wifey outfitted the children with Tazers

    Now Santa was armed with a decked out M4
    he Jumped on the porch and kicked in my front door

    You’ve been a bad boy he yelled with a shout
    And cut loose with tracers and spread them about

    The wife and kids went down hoping for cover
    While I engaged Santa over the body of Rover

    Santa charged in and reloading from gear
    While his back-up kept us down, “my God their Reindeer?”……
     
  17. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    But twas not the reindeer, providing the cover
    Twas a lazy eyed girl, an angry ex- lover

    An army, in fact, of piercings and curls
    A unit of angry suicide girls

    A large one, cuz often they need luvin too
    A thin one with piercings all up her wazoo

    The largest winked coyly, and shimmied her mass
    With Marilyn Manson tatooed on her a$$

    Our man dropped his weapon, now helpless lead fodder
    His eyes were now glazing, his mouth starts to water
     
  18. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    The largest winked coyly, and shimmied her mass
    With Marilyn Manson tattooed on her ass

    Our man dropped his weapon, now helpless lead fodder
    His eyes were now glazing, his mouth starts to water

    No doubt about it, Santa had come & come heavy
    The horde rushed forward like they had just broke the levy.

    Santa was spraying lead this way and that,
    but the young Tango boy had just dawned his new hat(helmet).

    Lowering the boom from Santa’s blindside
    Young Tango hit him hard and done dotted both eyes.

    The young girl and the wife were laying down cover
    But Tango stood there dumbstruck, confronted by lovers

    Kiss that one, shag that one, bend over that one, no wait
    She’s ugly enough to make her Hogger’s mate
    She is definitely off limits and shall not be speared
    Though that piercing is something that should be revered

    Glass eyed and slack jawed, savoring the sights
    Poor Tango was going to be soon feeling the bite
    Suicide girls swarmed in, bad intentions one and all
    When all of a sudden they started to fall

    Shaved heads and face piercings began to explode
    Red and gray matter was soon littering the road

    Their heads were exploding in such vapored mist
    One thing was certain this bastard don’t miss

    Snapped back to reality Tango took in the sights
    Who had come forth to help in this fight
    On his right were his girls, proud, strong and ready
    His boy making him proud, Santa’s beard red as spaghetti

    The sound of a truck horn, no wait, What The F*ck?
    On the ridge first came lights then the rumble of a truck
    No not a truck, but one big ass jeep,
    Armed to the teeth and stacked high with relief.

    Astride the Land Cruiser sat Tango’s own quorum
    Assembled all the shooters from Firearm’s Talk Forum

    Full auto death, sniper shots and double taps
    This crew was out issuing much needed dirt naps
    They’d come to get Tango and drag him out with the boys
    Zombie hunting before Christmas for all to enjoy..........
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2009
  19. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Oh hell YEAAAHHH!!!!

    I knew you were good, but I didn't know you had that in you!

    Epic, My Friend!!!
     
  20. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    Eh, it was a little weak. I am not the wordsmith that some of you are, but it was fun working in as much as I could. :D

    Thank you!!

    My Friend....:)