Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12". If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life. Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. It's no use crying over spilt milk ... unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh, you are so screwed. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade. On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with violence. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away. If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, do not count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables. When you open a can of whoop-***, Jack Bauer jumps out. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink. When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun. What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell. There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.