For Jack Bauer fans

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by NGIB, Jul 24, 2009.

  1. NGIB

    NGIB New Member

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    Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

    If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

    If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

    Jack Bauer's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

    Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

    It's no use crying over spilt milk ... unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh, you are so screwed.

    When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

    On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with violence.

    Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

    If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, do not count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.

    Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

    When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

    Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

    When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

    When you open a can of whoop-***, Jack Bauer jumps out.

    Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

    When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

    You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

    When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

    What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

    In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

    There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
     
  2. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Great post NGIB! And that right there my friends, is why Jack is my hero, Chuck Norris can "suck it!" :p

    Sorry Benning. :(
     

  3. NGIB

    NGIB New Member

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    Season 4 was the best IMHO, with season 3 coming in a close second. This season was a lot better than the past few though.

    Seriously, if Jack & Chuck were ever even in the same state, it would generate some type of nuclear reaction or something...
     
  4. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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  5. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    Congratulations!! You have just won a no expenses paid trip to the emergency room with 2 crushed clavicles, a broken sternum, compound fracture of your pelvis, spiral fractures in both femurs and a pair testicles lodged in your throat.

    You will now officially be the biggest shi'ite talker in ICU.... :)

    JD
     
  6. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Hell, JD you will have to do better than that, I was hurt worse than that in one of my chopper crashes, except no testicles lodged in the throat part. :p :)

    Jack
     
  7. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    Highlighted for clarity. :p
     
  8. Jo da Plumbr

    Jo da Plumbr New Member

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    I gave up on that show during the first season. What a fairy tale. They were driving all over Los Angeles in a supposed one hour of time. Hell I can't get from my job to my house in one hour. And I live just ten miles away. :eek::mad::eek:


    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2009
  9. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Who do I thank for this, the last no expenses paid trip I ever won, I ended up with a time share property in Branson, MO. :rolleyes:

    Jack
     
  10. NGIB

    NGIB New Member

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    Hell, what isn't a fairy tale anymore on TV. Seriously, the best way to watch it is on DVD anyway. You just can't argue with the conviction of a man that tortures his own brother to death and kills his own father. Besides, Jack's daughter is SERIOUSLY hot. Rent season 4 and I doubt you'll be disappointed...
     
  11. Jo da Plumbr

    Jo da Plumbr New Member

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    I'll give you the hot daughter part. But after about the third time she got kidnapped, in the first season, and no one even peeked down her blouse, the reality was just not there for me.
     
  12. spittinfire

    spittinfire New Member Supporter

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    Jack Bauer could defeat the entire North Korean army with a 9mm and 1 spare mag.
     
  13. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Finally, a man with real beliefs and reason. ;)
     
  14. spittinfire

    spittinfire New Member Supporter

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    I thought it was common knowledge!!
     
  15. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Jack Bauer has Chuck's testicles lodged in his throat, because Chuck doesn't teabag, he potato sacks!:eek:
     
  16. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    Dude, wasn't Jack Bauer a prisoner, in China, for like a year?!?!

    And didn't they have to ARRANGE to a prisoner transfer to get him back?!?!

    Chuck Norris never needed rescuing...

    JD
     
  17. NGIB

    NGIB New Member

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    Jack only allowed this to happen as he didn't want to create an international incident...
     
  18. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Okay, I'm all in.

    Chuck Norris went back into Nam, rescued his buddies, and commited unnatural acts on the commandant of the camp that held him, using Bauer as a prophylactic device.

    All without international attention.
     
  19. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    Not to mention that, but then he loaded them all in a chopper and flew that chopper right into the front of the building housing the politicians discussing how there were no more prisoners of war IN VIETNAM - Right in front of the press TO create an international incident....'

    Chuck Norris doesn't care about international incidents....

    And Jack Bauer does not have a roundhouse kick!!

    Can I get a witness??

    JD
     
  20. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Halleluyah, holla back, Dillinjah, ha ha ha!