Feeling a bit introspective

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by wjnfirearms, Apr 14, 2012.

  1. wjnfirearms

    wjnfirearms New Member

    Hey, guys. I hope you all don't mind, but I just want to get something off my chest. It's basically personal, but some of you may relate, especially those other middle agers.

    I just attended a funeral last evening for a co-worker of mine from my past career on the streets. She was 56 and died suddenly and unexpectantly from a massive stroke. What made the situation so much more just plain bad for me was that I also worked with her husband, I broke in her sister as a rookie and worked with her brother in law. So, I was well acquainted with the entire family for years. It was real hard to go to the funeral home and see everybody together for the same tragedy.

    At the same time, another old cohort from the job had a massive heart attack. He is recovering, thank God, and likely will return to work in several weeks.

    It's times like this that you feel your own mortailty, for sure. I started feeling mine a lot back in '10 when I had heart surgery myself. It was more to stop bad stuff from happening and was completely successful thanks to a fine surgeon and staff at the Cleveland Clinic. After I recovered, which was over 3 months, I went back to work and retired soon thereafter. The full recovery took the better part of a year. I've been fine ever since and my cardiologist couldn't be happier.

    I guess I am looking at things differently than in years past these days. My bucket list has risen in priority and I want to be able to do stuff with the wife and friends more than ever. I'm looking to get out of the corrections center I'm working now and into something more satisfying which may give us a bit more freedom to do stuff until I can completely retire in the forseeable future. The lion's share of our debts should be paid off by early next year at latest, unless one of the vehicles coughs up a lung or worse, which probably won't happen. They're Jeeps. They refuse to die. I'd really love to be able to open up a bigger gun shop and stock it with what I know will sell. Unfortunately, it takes more $$ than I can get and I don't care what anyone says. It's nearly impossible to get backed to open a business unless you already have a bunch of money in the bank. I and a friend looked into this extensively earlier this year. The dream is still there, though.

    Anyone else feel similar? Thanks for letting me rant.
  2. PanBaccha

    PanBaccha New Member

    You've reached a crossroad that perforce a deal of introspection. The process of getting there was obviously costly. However it brought you to face the greatest obstacle and friend ... oneself. But it seems to me you have handled it nicely. The next step from the crossroad you stand on will manifest a fuller meaningful life. Wish you the best. :)

    "There are no goodbyes; that's the irony of it; and so we'll dance again." ~ The Hierophant Of 100th Street
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2012

  3. BenLuby

    BenLuby New Member

    Sorry for your loss. But now you see what you want to be doing. The trick is, not to take this situation and let it grow dull with time. Figure out the best way to do what you're wanting to do, and go for it.