English

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Pasquanel, Apr 15, 2018.

  1. Pasquanel

    Pasquanel Proud to be an American Supporter

    2,229
    905
    113
    Even though I was born in this country English was a second language for me. But I learned it as a young child and to my recollection, it was very easy. The following was put together by an English teacher have a look and perhaps understand why foreigners have a difficult time.

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture..
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
    present the present.
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..
    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,
    nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
    weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
    candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English
    for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can
    work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from
    Guinea nor is it a pig.
    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
    groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
    plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One
    index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
    one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
    of them, what do you call it?
    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
    vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English
    speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what
    language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
    and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
    wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
    language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
    fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going
    on.
    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
    creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
    is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
    out, they are invisible.
    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.
    There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other
    two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
    It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
    list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
    At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
    Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it
    UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
    We call UP our friends.
    And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the
    leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
    We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
    At other times the little word has real special meaning.
    People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think
    UP excuses.
    To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
    A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
    We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
    To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the
    dictionary.
    In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can
    add UP to about thirty definitions.
    If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP
    is used.
    It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind
    UP with a hundred or more.
    When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
    When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
    When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP,
    so.......it is time to shut UP!
     
    headspace, RJF22553, ellis36 and 6 others like this.
  2. Dallas53

    Dallas53 Well-Known Member

    11,760
    8,171
    113
    gee, and all this time, i thought i spoke really good English! :confused:o_O:D:p
     

  3. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

    12,609
    465
    83
    In German, don't give anyone a "gift".
    That is their word for poison.
     
  4. Greg_r

    Greg_r Well-Known Member

    638
    600
    93
    Add in the local dialect and it gets really confusing. A few from my area of the country:
    • Britches = pants
    • Brogans = work boots
    • Clodhoppers = brogans
    • Hissy = tantrum, as in, She threw a hissy.
    • Directly = in a little bit, as in, I'll be there directly.
    • Spell = an amount of time, as in, Sit a spell.
    • Yonder = a distance. As in, They are over yonder.
    • Sugar = kiss, as in, Give me some sugar.
    • Cattywampus = askew. As in, Your room is all cattywampus.
    • Tarnation = irritated, as in, What in tarnation!
    • Ugly = misbehave, as in, Don't be ugly.
    • Ragamuffin= disreputable, as in, He is a real ragamuffin.
    • Declare = surprised, as in, I do declare!
    • Reckon = suppose, as in, I recon it's alright.
    • Fixin' = prepare, as in, I'm fixin' to leave.
    • Buggy = a shopping cart
    • Fancy = to please, as in, whatever suits your fancy.
    • Coke = any carbonated beverage, regardless of brand.
     
    kfox75, Ross82, sigman84 and 3 others like this.
  5. Chainfire

    Chainfire Well-Known Member Supporter

    6,432
    2,713
    113
    English is not the only language to present problems. Mark Twain wrote a hilarious piece on the German language. Our language is a mongrel with bits and pieces or other languages added randomly over the centuries.

    It is not the problems listed above that vex me, it is spelling. The spelling of some words make no sense to me and I have a mental block that prevents me from memorizing the dictionary.
     
    303tom and boatme98 like this.
  6. boatme98

    boatme98 Well-Known Member

    4,632
    1,378
    113
    New Englandisims:
    Mostly Massachusetts oriented
    1. Down East: Down_East.PNG
    nautical term. Prevailing winds are are from the SW, so when sailing downwind, you're heading East.

    2. Jimmies: you know, those chocolate things you sprinkle on ice cream and cupcakes.

    3. Grinder: a sub sandwich

    4. The Cape: my home, Cape Cod. Although N.E. is full of capes, Cape Cod is the only "The Cape".

    5. Bubbler: drinking fountain

    6. Elastic: a rubber band

    7. Packie: package store. The liquor store. "Gotta make a quick run to the packie"

    8. Leaf Peepers: derogatory for the Autumn influx of tourists. Especially New Yorkers.:D

    9. M***hole: derogatory for folks from my home state. Mostly uttered by New Yorkers.:D

    10. Rotary: not the club, a traffic circle-roundabout

    11. Tag Sale: yard sale

    12. Johnny: a hospital gown that leaves your *** on view to the whole world.

    13. Frappe*: a milkshake with ice cream. A milkshake is just milk with flavored syrup.
    *When is a frappe not a frappe? When you're in R.I., and it's a "cabinet":confused:

    14. Creemee: soft serve ice cream

    15. Scrod: there's no such fish. Harvey Parker coined the term while operating his famous hotel/restraunt The Parker House in Boston (also P.H. rolls, btw). He wanted to serve the best fish available, so he would purchase the fish that were on the top of heap, no matter the variety. They were the freshest and not crushed. Rather than constantly change the menu boards, he just called the catch of day "scrod"

    And of course...

    16. Wicked: like, really. often combined with...

    17. Pissah: great!, As in, "that's a wicked pissah":cool:


    Now, go forth, my children. Wander the trails and byways of New England and be not afraid of the strange and mystical language uttered in that Sylvan land.
     
    Dallas53 and 303tom like this.
  7. 303tom

    303tom Well-Known Member

    6,091
    1,669
    113
  8. AZdave

    AZdave Well-Known Member

    686
    614
    93
    And you forgot the thing that messes up all languages. Auto correct
     
    kfox75, Dallas53, 303tom and 2 others like this.
  9. Mercator

    Mercator Well-Known Member

    11,396
    112
    63
    English I think has benefited from the culture of self governance as opposed to central control like with the French. English has evolved freely and locally in many dialects and accents. Nobody bans foreign words or lectures you against using them. I read that modern English has more words than other major Western languages, many of them borrowed. Now of course more English is borrowed by other languages. Many nations had practically no native vocabulary for IT.

    I took a semester of Latin. Hardly remember anything but can say for sure, it was "the" simple language, ruled by logic.
     
    Dallas53, boatme98 and AZdave like this.
  10. Pasquanel

    Pasquanel Proud to be an American Supporter

    2,229
    905
    113
     
  11. locutus

    locutus Well-Known Member Supporter

    17,731
    3,463
    113
    If you think english is crazy, try German.

    e berything has gender. the moon is feminine, the sun is masculine and the stars are neuter.

    The Rhine river is masculine, "Der" Rhine, but the Rhone is feminine "Die Rhone."


    If you weren't born there, you'll probably never master their declinations.
     
  12. Mercator

    Mercator Well-Known Member

    11,396
    112
    63
    All GM name brands are foreign words
    :eek:
     
    Dallas53 likes this.
  13. Mercator

    Mercator Well-Known Member

    11,396
    112
    63

    I heard it from NH cops. They said it with relish.
     
  14. Pasquanel

    Pasquanel Proud to be an American Supporter

    2,229
    905
    113
    Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
     
  15. Pasquanel

    Pasquanel Proud to be an American Supporter

    2,229
    905
    113
    French, Spanish, Portuguese are the same way if you speak the language it just sounds right.
     
    kfox75, Dallas53 and boatme98 like this.
  16. Pasquanel

    Pasquanel Proud to be an American Supporter

    2,229
    905
    113
  17. ellis36

    ellis36 Well-Known Member Supporter

    2,777
    1,180
    113
    Same in French! My wife is French. I thought I would try to learn French so I could converse with her family. My wife wouldn't help me. Told me I sounded like a two-year old and if I ever learned to speak properly she would speak with me. Then I found out they speak in slang to each other while they look down their noses at Americans who can speak French because they have "an accent." All the while they never make any effort to learn even one English word.

    So I thought "Screw'em!" :D:D

    ellis
     
  18. Dallas53

    Dallas53 Well-Known Member

    11,760
    8,171
    113
    and lets not even talk about if you have a Southern drawl, and speak redneck! :p:D
     
  19. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

    21,892
    2,208
    113
    Spanish-
    Espouso- husband
    Espousa- wife
    Espousas- handcuffs
     
    kfox75, RJF22553, Pasquanel and 2 others like this.
  20. Chainfire

    Chainfire Well-Known Member Supporter

    6,432
    2,713
    113
    When I was very young my new wife and I moved to Chicago for me to go to "A" school in the Navy. We both had (have) noticeable southern accents. The Chicago natives thought the accent meant you were not very smart. At first, I found it quite disturbing, later, we both learned to use that to our advantage and we found it amusing.
     
    kfox75 and RJF22553 like this.