divorce

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by chaos, Feb 25, 2013.

  1. chaos

    chaos New Member

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    Anybody got any good advice on how to do this in the most civil way ..have been separated about a year and can't seem to be civil to each other ....we have one child togather ..thanks for any imput
     
  2. kbd512

    kbd512 Well-Known Member Lifetime Supporter

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    That sucks, but the best advice is if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. She doesn't have the right to be abusive to anyone, but if she's not happy to see you you're going to have to deal with it. She may stay angry for the rest of her life or she may get over it one day. My wife remembers every little thing I do, right, wrong, good, bad, or indifferent. It's probably hard to believe right now, but you'll be happy that you kept a level head about the situation even if she can't keep hers.
     

  3. chaos

    chaos New Member

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    Oh don't get me wrong its not a 100% her she knows what buttons to push..I would say its Prolly 97% her 3% me lol
     
  4. GrtWhytHype

    GrtWhytHype New Member

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    Keep you mouth shut, don't threaten, keep records of what happened at what time, don't antagonize, don't telegraph what you plan, no voicemails no texts, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES sleep with her again,(lol) get a good lawyer, and thank The Lord there's no kid involved.

    Sorry about the rant. Been there. :-D keep your head up.
     
  5. chaos

    chaos New Member

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    We have one kid that's y we still have to be around each other....and on the not sleeping with her thing yea that can get thrown out the window ( I'm weak what can I say) lol ..but thanks for the advice
     
  6. Vikingdad

    Vikingdad New Member

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    Consult with a few lawyers. They usually give a free consultation, so you can go to a few and get a feel for them to see if they are a good fit. A recommendation from a friend goes a long ways. Once you find a good lawyer have them handle it from there on out. Do what they advise and don't do anything without getting their advice.

    Divorce is going to be costly, both in its emotional toll and in the toll on your bank account. No way around that. The more you or she digs in the more costly it is going to be.
     
  7. chaos

    chaos New Member

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    Trying not to do it through lawyer.we share the kid I gave her the house,both cars and still give her money for other stuff like schools supplies ect.ect.ect...I gusse the question I should of asked is how to get along after the divorce for the next 13 years
     
  8. kytowboater

    kytowboater Active Member

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    My parents went through a very nasty divorce in 1999, they still talk on a regular basis. Actually my dad has offered for my mom to move back in with him recently. Weird.
     
  9. Axxe55

    Axxe55 The Apocalypse Is Coming.....

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    what Vikingdad is telling you is pretty much gospel. get an attorney and as quick as possible. when you get one refer her to your attorney for any questions. consult with your attorney on everything, and i mean everything. follow their advice to the letter.

    trust me i've been there, twice! what Vikingdad is saying is good advice. i wish i had know this duringmy first divorce. it would have saved me a lot of headaches.

    keep your spirits up and lean on your family and friend for emotional support. trust me, that no matter how strong you think you are, it's very emotionally draining. keep active to keep your mind off the situation as much as possible.

    i know what you're going through, and trust me on this, there is nothing any of us can say that will ease the burden that upon you right now. but know that some of us have been there, and we feel for you. good luck.
     
  10. nitestalker

    nitestalker New Member

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    Johnny Carson was married a number of times each divorce cost him big time. Carson finally decided rather than going thru the legal night mare of divorce he would change. He said instead of getting married again he would just find some disgusting woman every 5 years that he could not stand and buy her a new home and a car.:eek:
     
  11. chaos

    chaos New Member

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    Thank you axxx it Is very mentaly draining ..that's y I figured I would try to pick sum of other members brains any advice is good advice right now ..But I do not feel the need for a lawyer I don't have anything left I gave her everything when we spilt so there is nothing she can get other than my guns and well that just Anit happen .
     
  12. chaos

    chaos New Member

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    That about sums it up lol maybe ill try that
     
  13. Vikingdad

    Vikingdad New Member

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    Document freaking everything that you have done, especially any payments that might be construed as child support. Do not trust her an inch. You may never have to use it, but if you do and don't have it you will be sorely screwed. If she goes after you for child support when your child is 17 years and 11 months old and you have no documentation that you have been paying her all of those years, you will be forced to pay again. Doing it yourself is unwise. Also, as far as custody goes, you should not try and work that out on your own, that never goes well for the kid (especially a young kid) because like it or not it will be used against you or you will in a weak moment use it against your wife. It is the nature of these things. If a Judge decides then you both can only blame the Judge.

    As to how to get along? Don't expect to. Be civil and do not get into arguments. If you sense one is coming then leave immediately. Eventually you will probably start getting along again but don't bet on that either. My parents divorced when I was 13, they didn't start talking to each other again until I was in my early 20's and getting married. I invited both of them to several parties/gatherings, etc., and let them figure it out. I was not going to "choose" between my parents and when my mom asked if I had invited Dad I told her "Of course. I am not going to choose sides. If you don't want to see him then don't come, but it is not my decision. I want you both there."

    It worked out OK from then on out. Dad died back in September and mom was invited to be there in the hospital with the rest of the family by my stepmother when he was on his deathbed. All was forgiven by then. Mom and Stepmom are now doing things together like friends.
     
  14. gr8oldguy

    gr8oldguy New Member

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    You've given yourself the best reason to get along with your ex..."we have one child together". That one statement tells you exactly what you are supposed to do. Don't try to win. As soon as you do, you're going to lose. There are enough children being raised by dysfunctional families because the parents can't get along...get over it. Sit down in a neutral spot and talk. You be nice, no matter what the other has done...you be nice. I'm telling you this from experience. You'll be better off, your ex will be better off, and your child will benefit from two parents who aren't bad mouthing the other to an innocence child.
     
  15. drvsafe

    drvsafe New Member

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    Don't use your child as a pawn and don't let her do the same. Be there for your child, as regularly as you can. Make sure of that. It's so important to you and your child.
     
  16. Axxe55

    Axxe55 The Apocalypse Is Coming.....

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    please get an attorney. the initial cost will save you lots of grief and money in the long run. also the judge will decide what's in the childs best interests. many when there are children involved are the spokesman for the children or at least are suppose to be.

    if she decides to get an attorney and you don't, then you will be a severe disadvantage. and she may tell you doesn't have one and then show up in court with one. well guess what? you're gonna be raked over the coals very well.

    please get an attorney. it's in your best interests.
     
  17. Vikingdad

    Vikingdad New Member

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    Just so you know where I am coming from, my wife and I are on the verge of a separation. Divorce is always a possibility in the future after that. I don't want to go there, promised myself long before I got married that I would never get a divorce, but now, many years later, I realize that was a foolish promise. To remain in a relationship that has turned bad is just stupid. If I do get a divorce I will probably not get married again, but I am wise enough to know not to make any promises to that effect.
     
  18. chaos

    chaos New Member

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    In the papers she filed she is asking for joint custody and no child support ...I'm not really that good at anything but I'm very good at being a dad and she knows that
     
  19. Axxe55

    Axxe55 The Apocalypse Is Coming.....

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    my advice is to still get an attorney. advise her to do the same. simply becasue the attorneys are not emotionally involved like the two of you. it's always easier to let attorneys hash out the details.

    no matter the outcome, remain a part of your childs life and be a good father. no matter if she does talk ill of you or not, don't talk bad about your ex. it serves no purpose other than make life more difficult for your child.
     
  20. chaos

    chaos New Member

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    A big thank you to all u guys for the advice ..I really dont have anybody to ask so that's y I asked u guys..it has all been very heart felt advice so again a big thank you