Deer Santa....

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by IGETEVEN, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    deersanta:

    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Frend,
    BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling, boy-wonder. You're on your way to a medicore career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
    Santa


    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
    and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love,
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Stop pestering me.
    Santa


    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love,
    Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look son, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat-assed mommy, who rides his poor *** constantly? It's time to give up that dream, kid. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those, whatcha say?
    Santa


    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a PlayStation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
    kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love,
    Campbell

    Dear Campbell,
    Who the f*ck names their kid "Campbell" nowadays? I bet you're freakin' gay.
    Santa



    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love,
    Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Look, milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
    Santa


    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend,
    Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them an extra slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
    Santa

    P.S.
    Tell your mom she got the part.
    "Long Dong" Claus


    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
    Love,
    Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Live with it.
    Santa


    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
    could I have one?
    Timmy

    Timmy,
    That whiney begging sh1t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
    Santa


    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love,
    Marky

    Mark,
    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you keep getting your *** kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the neighborhood boys do, through your sister's bedroom window.

    Sweet Dreams,
    Santa


    Merry F*cking Christmas, Jack
     
  2. suprdave

    suprdave New Member

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    Screen door in a hurricane...Classic. Nice work Jack. Merry F**king Christmas to you, too!
     

  3. RCHanlin

    RCHanlin New Member

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    Rofl

    That's just wrong..:D:D:D
     
  4. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    ROFL!!

    Someone needs a hug me thinks!!

    Where's Tangoliscious? Jack needs some holiday cheer.

    JD
     
  5. 2hot2handle

    2hot2handle New Member

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    Epic, hahahha simply awesome. I would probably start answering letters like that too if I got that much mail.
     
  6. dunerunner

    dunerunner New Member

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    Thanks Jack!! LMAO!!
     
  7. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

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    Now that's one festive emmeffer. Good one Jack. :D
     
  8. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    Dear Santa
    I want a new bike for christmas.
    Love,
    Bobby


    Dear Effing DOUCHE BAG Bobby
    What kind of bike stupid, well you say bike do you want an effing harley or one of them stupid dam rice rockets or do you want a effing bicycle you dam moron. Good Lord kid be a little more specific so Tangoclause can get you want you don't want a DOUCHE BAG. I bet your at the bottom of your class you little turd muncher arn't you. I bet Little Johny the dumbest kid on the block is a higher reading level than you dumb azz. Go punch yourself in the junk till it falls off so you never have a chance to make more stupid babies.

    PISS OFF

    Tangoclause.
     
  9. NGIB

    NGIB New Member

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    Thanks Jack (& Tango) I needed a good laugh today...
     
  10. slowryde45

    slowryde45 New Member

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    de ebonics Crimmus Pome

    Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
    And all ower da hood
    ereybody wuz sleeping
    Dey wuz sleepin' good.

    We hunged up our stockings
    An hoped like de' heck
    That old Santa Clause
    Be bringin' our check.

    All o'de fambily
    Wuz layin in de beds
    While Ripple and Thunderbird
    Danced through dey heads.

    I passed out inna' flo'
    Right nex to my Maw
    When I heard sech a fuss
    I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!

    I looked out thru de bars
    What covered my doe
    'spectin' de sheriff
    Wif a warrent fo sho.

    And what did I see;
    I said, "Lawd look at dat!"
    Ther' wuz a huge watermellon
    Pulled by giant warf rats.

    Now ober all de years
    Santa Clause, he be white
    But looks liken us bros
    Gets a black Sanna dis nite.

    Faster dan a Po'lees car
    My home boy he came
    He whupped on dem warf rats
    An' called dem by name.

    On Leroy, on Lonzo
    And on Willie Lee
    On Saphire, on Chenequa
    Dey wuz a site to see.

    As he landed dat watta'mellon
    Out der in da skreet
    I knwed it was fo' sho'
    Da damndest site I ebber did see.

    He didn't go down no chimbley
    He picked da' lock on my doe
    An' I sez to myself
    ****! He done dis befoe."

    He had dis big bag
    Full of prezents I 'xpect
    Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
    to wear roun' my neck.

    But he left no good prezents
    Jus started stealing my ****
    Got my drugs, got my guns
    Even got my burglars's kit.

    Wit my stuff in de bag
    Out da windo he flewed
    I woudda' tried to catched him
    But he stoled my 'nife too.

    He jumped on dat wadda'mellon
    An' whipped out a switch
    He wuz gone in a seccon'
    Dat son of a *****!!

    Next year I be hopin'
    Anutha Sanna we git
    Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause
    Jus' ant' werf a ****!!!
     
  11. ItsmeShane

    ItsmeShane New Member

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    HAHAHA. thats one of the funniest things ive read in a while.