Dear (Insert subject of choice)....

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by IGETEVEN, Jun 13, 2011.

  1. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Dear Noah,

    We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving until 5.

    Sincerely,
    Unicorns


    Dear Twilight fans,

    Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
    pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

    Enjoy fantasizing about that.

    Sincerely,
    Logic


    Dear Icebergs,

    Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.

    Sincerely,
    The Titanic


    Dear J.K. Rowling,

    Your books are entirely unrealistic.. I mean, a ginger kid with two
    friends?

    Sincerely,
    Anonymous


    Dear America,

    You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

    Sincerely,
    Canada


    Dear Yahoo,

    I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just
    saying...

    Sincerely,
    Google


    Dear 2010,

    So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF
    happened?!

    Sincerely,
    1985


    Dear Windshield Wipers,

    Can't touch this.

    Sincerely,
    That Little Triangle


    Dear Rose,

    There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us.

    Sincerely,
    Jack
    PS, you let go


    Dear girls who have been dumped,

    There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all
    dead.

    Sincerely,
    BP


    Dear Saturn,

    I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

    Sincerely,
    God


    Dear Fox News,

    So far, no news about foxes.

    Sincerely,
    Unimpressed


    Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

    Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

    Sincerely,
    Stevie Wonder


    Dear Nickleback,

    That's enough.

    Sincerely,
    The World


    Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

    Please make one for every skin color.

    Sincerely,
    Black people


    Dear Scissors,

    I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

    Sincerely,
    Sarah Palin


    Dear Osama Bin Laden,

    Marco....

    Sincerely,
    The United States


    Dear World of Warcraft,

    Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.

    Sincerely,
    Parents Everywhere


    Dear Anne Frank,

    Two can play this game....

    Sincerely,
    Waldo


    Dear Batman,

    What was your power again?

    Sincerely,
    Superman


    Dear Customers,

    Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

    Sincerely,
    Nail Salon Ladies


    Dear Ugly People,

    You're welcome.

    Sincerely,
    Alcohol


    Dear Mr. Gump

    WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that
    tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....

    Sincerely,
    Jenny


    Dear Katy Perry,

    I liked the kiss too.

    Sincerely,
    Justin Beiber


    Dear Haiti,

    Is it too early to ask what's shakin'?

    Sincerely,
    Seriously Going To Hell


    Dear Martin Luther King Jr.

    I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream....
    What now?

    Sincerely,
    Leonardo Di Caprio


    Dear World,

    Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because
    some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?

    Sincerely,
    The Mayans


    Dear Snooki,

    GET BACK TO WORK!

    Sincerely,
    Willy Wonka


    Dear White People,

    Don't you just hate immigrants?

    Sincerely,
    Native Americans


    Dear iPhone,

    Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You
    piece of shut.

    Sincerely,
    Every iPhone User


    Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,

    Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you
    go?

    Sincerely,
    Terrified


    Dear Trash,

    At least you get picked up...

    Sincerely,
    The Girls of Jersey Shore


    Dear Man,

    It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

    Sincerely,
    Elephant


    Dear Dr. Phil,

    Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I
    was here first.

    Sincerely,
    Dr. Pepper


    Thread Disclaimer:

    Again, an equal opportunity offender. All comments expressed in this thread are those solely of the original OP and no way reflect the opinions of the Moderators or Administration. No animals were harmed in the production of this thread. :D :cool:
     
  2. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    Best one of the lot. Absolutely awesome!! :D:D

    Thanks Jack!

    JD
     

  3. cddbrowns

    cddbrowns New Member

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    IMO, something that runs through the woods, sparkles and doesnt kill people are NOT vampires, they are FAIRIES! Just sayin....
     
  4. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    LMAO!! That's awesome. :D
     
  5. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    Very funny. Thanks for the laughs.
     
  6. Reaper61

    Reaper61 New Member

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    Dear Afghanistan

    Dear Afghanistan,
    We are just as tired of you as you are of us.
    sincerley, US military

    Dear Sand,
    Please stay out of my drawers and my M4!!
    Sincerely reaper 61

    Dear ChowHall,
    Stop serving fake shrimp!!! It's gicing me the $#!t$!!!!

    Dear Platoon Sergeant,
    Please stop coming to my tent at 0245 and asking me to do paperwork that isn't due for over a month!!

    Dear Johnny Jihad,
    Please stop motaring the FOB while I'm trying to take a ****!!!
     
  7. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    WELL DONE, Reaper 61
     
  8. jca1

    jca1 New Member

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    Dear ugly bitch from the store,

    Next time I see you coming I'm gonna smash your face with the door. I'm sick of holding the door for you just to see you make that witch face. You could at least say thanks or something you old crab.
     
  9. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    I agree. A polite gesture deserves a polite response. I don't understand it, either.
     
  10. BombDoc

    BombDoc New Member

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    Well played. A few more to add to the deployment fun.


    You, you ass-clown wearing a poorly fitted jackass rig with your brand new dusty M9 pointing at me while you walk,

    Get a real holster. Maybe get one that you can wear with the brand new body armor someone decided you needed to sign for and leave in the plastic.

    Sincerely,
    Everyone that knows how to carry a damned pistol


    Dear head count at the DFAC,

    Seriously, I'm on uniform and I'm carrying my weapon. You don't need to see my CAC.

    Sincerely,
    Every warfighter


    Dear Little smelly guys that work in the DFAC,

    If you see me trying to maneuver the DFAC with a tray full of food and the other hand full of delicious licky-chewies; GTF outta my way!! Also, keep your smelly ass away from my table while I'm eating. You may need to clean that speck right now but your aroma ruins my meal.

    Sincerely,
    Servicemembers


    Dear fat contractors,

    We understand you NEED to eat. We understand you THINK you are more important than us. STOP taking all the chocolate chip muffins! Leave a few bananas for us. Maybe lay off the goodies and drop some weight. It's hot and your heart might not make it. I can hear you getting fatter.

    Truly,
    Servicemembers


    Dear Fluor,

    Hire some attractive women! This Euro-trash crap you sent us couldn't get laid in Europe and it does nothing for morale here.

    Honestly,
    BombDoc


    Dear Air Force & Navy weightlifters,

    There has not been a time we went to the gym and missed you. I don't know what you get paid to do but your lack of actual employment and abundance of gym time creates a scheduling conflict. Please have your people call our people so we can split our times.

    Luv ya,
    Soldiers & Marines


    Muj ass-hats!

    Stop lobbing IDF at us during our happy time. It's worse than when you did this during our poopie time.

    BombDoc


    Dear Officers I work with,

    Please stop having me proof your admin work. I didn't go to college.

    Sincerely,
    BombDoc

    Dear Officers I work with,

    Please stop proofing my admin work. Yours was much worse!

    Sincerely,
    BombDoc
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2011
  11. BombDoc

    BombDoc New Member

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    Dear mole I recently found near my man parts,

    GOD! You had better be a mole!!

    Sincerely,
    My junk


    Dear porta-pottie,

    Why does your blue goo splash on me when I poo?

    Sincerely,
    Butt


    Dear men in the shower,

    Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me while I'm cleaning myself. Don't talk to me while I'm drying myself. Don't talk to me.

    Sincerely,
    Naked guy
     
  12. Reaper61

    Reaper61 New Member

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    hit the nail on the head BombDoc!!! Spit water out my nose I was laughing so hard!!