dealing with siblings when a parent dies

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by partdeux, Dec 10, 2012.

  1. partdeux

    partdeux Well-Known Member

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    holy crap, will this ride ever end?

    Latest discovery... Sister decided to hold a memorial service, after she suggested to not spend the money, and didn't invite me {sigh}

    executor has charged the estate over 10k in "services" including driving my sister around town at 35 per hour, plus mileage

    now my sister is demanding I send her a copy of the death certificate... I'm guessing there's something nefarious with the credit union accounts...
     
  2. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

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    Here a little something about executor fees:
    http://www.ehow.com/info_8617788_fees-estate-executors.html

    Why did the executor drive the sister around? That was not a requirement in his duties.
    If he / she did it as a favor, then the executor gets zip/nada/nothing.
    If the sister offered to pay, then sister is responsible.

    Heck, that is more than a taxi.

    You have as much right as your sister to work with credit unions (and the CUs will accept a copy from you. It does not need to come from sister.)
    But the credit union should have been part of executor's duties.
     

  3. partdeux

    partdeux Well-Known Member

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    dan,

    You lit a fire under me. Just fired an email off to my attorney telling him to get control of this situation or find someone that could.
     
  4. Wiebelhaus

    Wiebelhaus New Member

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    This is all kinds of crazy, I agree with dan, that would be the best plan of action.
     
  5. Jpyle

    Jpyle New Member

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    Executor works for the estate of the deceased, not the heirs. Duties and responsibilities should be limited to safeguarding the estate assets, filing required notices and probate documents and arranging for the tax returns leading to the distribution of the estates assets to those named in the Will. Not sure serving as your sister's driver qualifies...as a beneficiary named in the will you have the right to challenge the amounts charged and petition the Court for a complete accounting of every dollar spent by the executor. If you feel that the Executor is not acting in a manner consistent with his fiduciary responsibility TO YOU you can bring an action against him for conversion.

    Also, I believe that technically your sister cannot touch the estate assets if she is not a co-administrator or co-executor (executrix ?) Until the estate is closed the executor retains complete control of all estate assets, typically neither he nor the assets are permitted to leave the state of residence of the deceased.
     
  6. Vikingdad

    Vikingdad New Member

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    All this is true as I understand it. The problem is that you will have to pay the attorney to get it straightened out. The executor can be sued, but you will have to retain an attorney to do it and you better know exactly what has been done that is illegal.

    A buddy of mine had a bad deal after his father died. The dad had taken in a young gal off the streets of Modesto (seriously? The streets of Modesto are literally littered with crack whores looking for a sugar daddy to leech off of for as long as they can) who changed his will to leave everything to her. He was very sick and she would not allow any family to see him, kept the old guy locked up in his house until he died. My buddy hired an attorney and told him to sue until the entire estate was burned up, or the b!tch gave up. It was the former, not the latter outcome.

    If you are not desperately in need of the cash in the estate then maybe that is a tactic you might consider.
     
  7. orangello

    orangello New Member

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    Keep hanging in there man! I agree with seeking legal counsel to reign in the sister, executor, and any unneeded spending and to generally get this process done and settled ASAP.

    I am sooo dreading this; i am the youngest of four with the eldest being a world-class control freak and greedy bitch. I have told my parents that they should do their very best to leave nothing behind, financially.
     
  8. Vikingdad

    Vikingdad New Member

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    I also highly recommend that if you can to convince everybody you can to make out a will or trust or whatever works for them, naming an executor who is not named in the will. Maybe even have an attorney or pastor named in that role. Anybody but a control freak child. Oh, and encourage them to leave nothing of value behind.
     
  9. Blueguns

    Blueguns New Member

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    Very sorry for your loss. It seems you do need to get some legal counsel on this. It seems a little shady to me.
     
  10. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

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    One thing that people forget when a loved one dies,
    The insurance monies go to the beneficiaries and is NOT part of the estate.

    When I was involved with a friend's estate (he died and we had to take care of his elderly spouse, who had dementia and spoke only Japanese), his estate came to a negative balance.

    Bill collectors were hounding her for her money from his insurance to pay bills the deceased had in his name only. I referred them to the attorney who told me that the money was her's and not the estate's.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2012
  11. WebleyFosbery38

    WebleyFosbery38 New Member

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    So sad Part2, its bad enough you have to try to cope with the loss of a parent and then the money starts to overshadow the grief. I went through this same scenario with family over the last year, My stepfather turned out to be the grabber, I finally had enough and told everyone to do what they wanted, Im done with it.

    If their is enough to have a lawyer work for it, go ahead, if not, let them scrap over it. It will be gone soon enough and those that got greedy will ultimately have to face the music. Good luck and hope all turns out OK if it can.
     
  12. Chainfire

    Chainfire Well-Known Member Supporter

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    My siblings and I didn't have that kind of problem, but only because there was nothing to fight over. My wife had the same kind of issues when her Mother died four years ago. Nothing has been settled on that death yet. Be patient.
     
  13. partdeux

    partdeux Well-Known Member

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    I hired a lawyer before mom ever passed. It's a really long story, and my attorney who's little more then a business acquaintance, little less than friend had a hard time believing what I was telling him... He admitted today, this is one of the craziest things he's dealt with in his career.

    He convinced me that there was not enough in dispute to file suit over. I would quickly burn through as much money as in dispute. Wildcard is the value the house that IMO was sold WAY TOO cheap.

    We had an interesting discussion about the small bank account. Estate attorney wants to open a probate just for that amount. I'm being named as the petitioner instead of the personal rep. SOOO, I asked my attorney if he could do this instead of the slimy badstard handling the trust. He said, no, conflict of interest... but wait, the slimy badstard is also in conflict of interest :)

    I'm a little more settled, still have no idea why my sister is all of a sudden demanding I give her a death certificate. I had an extra 10 copies made by the funeral home.

    Even with mom's best attempt to avoid all this, it's still ugly :(

    Guess the thing I'm having the most difficulty with is the memorial service held that I never even knew about :( That and conspiring to hide from me that mom had even re-entered the hospital. It was only after the hospital called looking for (my words) an adult to make grown-up decisions. By the time I got involved, she was toast and it was about managing her end of life decisions.

    I know that everything I did was right and in her best interests. Not everybody involved can say that.
     
  14. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired Supporter

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    I am sorry for your loss.
    I suggest that you set up your personal matters so such a situation can be avoided.

    Lawyers are the ones who get rich with probates, not the heirs.
     
  15. partdeux

    partdeux Well-Known Member

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    Here's the irony... Mom thought she had everything set up properly!

    Wife and I will be taking care of this after this gets settled.