Daddy's Rules for Dating

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by silverado113, Feb 16, 2012.

  1. silverado113

    silverado113 New Member

    For all those Dads with daughters out there.

    Daddy's Rules for Dating
    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package,
    because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long
    as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes
    or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear
    their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
    Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are
    complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue,
    so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear
    showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in
    order to ensure that your clothes do no, in fact come off during the course
    of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten
    your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four:
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
    "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes
    to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we
    should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do
    not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of
    when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only
    word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

    Rule Six:
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date
    other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
    Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to
    date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I
    will make you cry.

    Rule Seven:
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
    more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time
    for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her
    makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
    Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like
    changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight:
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places
    where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
    where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or
    happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my
    daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than
    overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.
    Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies
    which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes
    are better.

    Rule Nine:
    Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged,
    dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
    all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are
    going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
    truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres
    behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten:
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound
    of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near
    Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head
    frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter
    home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with
    both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear
    voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return
    to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face
    at the window is mine.

    But, before you even think of dating my daughter, you'll have to fill out
    the Application for Permission to Date My Daughter.
  2. Axxe55

    Axxe55 The Apocalypse Is Coming.....

    that's good! if i had children and a daughter in particular, these would be pretty close to the rules i would use.

  3. MrWray

    MrWray New Member

    Now thats what im talking about
  4. silverado113

    silverado113 New Member

    Yeah I printed off a few of the applications for future use since my daughter is only 5!
  5. wjnfirearms

    wjnfirearms New Member

    Love it! I raised three boys and later, a stepdaughter. I put the literal fear of God into one of her boyfriends after he attempted to take her and some friends to a concert on a hot summer day in a car that needed a new radiator after I told him what needed fixed days before. It broke down on the way there and I got called to rescue them. Let's leave it at nothing like that ever happened again, the malfunctioning car thing I mean.

    She's getting married now living in Minnesota. One of the things we all did together when we travelled there to meet her intended was to go shooting together. Nice way to get to know each other. By the way, my girl is a pretty good shot. He was a high school shooting champ, which raised his stock with me. Still, she can return effective fire if it came down to it. We're going to get along well.
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2012
  6. SSGSF

    SSGSF New Member

    I have three girls and those rules are what I am going to use when they start dating . But I have a long time till that day comes since they are 4,3,2 years old

    LONGHAIR New Member

    Glad I don't have Girl's....You guys...Good-Luck...With-that..........That was a good read ....
  8. armsmaster270

    armsmaster270 New Member

    And then there is this.

  9. theropinfool

    theropinfool New Member

    Awesome rules. My little girl is 2 and still loves me thank goodness. I just hope I can effectively train her to avoid guys like me...
  10. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

    My little girls are grown now (our oldest is now a grandmother). When they were dating, my rules were simple-

    "If you make my daughter cry, I will make your mother cry."

    That seemed to cover things well. :p
  11. Soda

    Soda New Member

    Kinda strict? On the fun parts? I agree with most of them but no happiness? :( and i would like to go inside, meet, and get to know her father.
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2012
  12. Tackleberry1

    Tackleberry1 New Member

    I like it but...well here is Tackleberrys speach for his 16 year old daughters suitors...

    Me: Young man, have you ever heard the term "accidental discharge"?
    Suitor: Yes Sir
    Me: There is no such thing as an accidental discharge. There are only intentional discharges and NEGLIGENT discharges.

    Me: I see you drove your car here to pick up MY daughter so let ask you this. Have you ever heard the term car accident?
    Suitor: Yes Sir
    Me: Not once, in the entire history of the automobile has there EVER been a car accident. There are thousands of NEGLIGENT collisions every day BUT THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?
    Suitor: Yes Sir
    Me: That's good because I expect you to show me the courtesy of returning my daughter to me in the EXACT SAME CONDITION she left in. Now, is there any thing unclear regarding my expectations?
    Suitor: No Sir

    Terrific, you kids have fun. See you at 9:00 p.m.
  13. SSGSF

    SSGSF New Member

    My worst fear I have when my girls start dating , is that they meet a boy that is like me when I was there age . And I will see it a mile away.
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2012
  14. Gert999

    Gert999 New Member

    Nice post man most those will apply when my 8 year old daughter gets old enough to date (say in her 20's). I just hope she finds a guy who will respect her and treat her well. I've told her 200 times already if he hits u once he'll do it twice and he's not worth it, Plus you won't be able to find him :) Not looking forward to those days. One thing think everyone should rember is if u really disapprove don't tell her she can't see him it'll just drive it home more, just hope she realizes she deserves better
  15. linuxuser3890

    linuxuser3890 New Member

    The boy scout rank and badges line in the application isn't near long enough. LOL Eagle with two palms here.

    Sent from my Inspire 4G using FirearmsTalk
  16. Durangokid

    Durangokid New Member

    I did all those things. But I lost in the end. My daughter married and moved to Texas. And now my only grand children are Texans.:eek::)
  17. kfox75

    kfox75 Well-Known Member Supporter

    I think I had to fill that one out in HS! Still waiting on a reply.;)

    When it comes to my 15 year old stepdaughter I make it clear to the boy in question when I tell him, " You break her heart, I'll break your neck." She has only brought home one potential suiter that I had a problem with. The dumb sh!t tried staring me down in my own house. Needless to say, that did not go well for him. Three days later, she found out he was running around with her best friend behind her back, and in a VERY public manner ( in front of the other girl he was dating and 2 others he was trying to pick up as well as most of his friends) broke up with him while calmly letting everyone around him know what a piece of sh!t he was. Two weeks after that, his dad asked her why they broke up, she filled him in as well. Turns out he was into sime things that will not be mentioned here, that the church and the law may have a problem with. Last I heard, he will be off grounding sometime next year. I do hope he learned something from this.:D

    She is learning, but I still try to watch out for her. She may be my stepdaughter by legal definition, but in my heart that "step" does not exist.
  18. Vikingdad

    Vikingdad New Member

    I have two boys and I have been raising them to eliminate things that I did as a kid that I find to be undesirable, or more to the point of the thread what you who have daughters would find to be undesirable in a boy picking up your daughter for a date. I was not a bad kid by any real measure (no convictions, never been in jail) but I was no saint either. I have friends, good friends, who will tell my boys wild stories about when I was their age and I use those moments as teaching opportunities. I tell them (more often that I would like to) that I serve as a bad example sometimes, and more so when I was young.

    Right now my boys are 14 and 16. They are more interested in fixing trucks, shooting, reloading, blacksmithing and that sort of thing then they are in girls at this point. That will change at some point but we are preparing for it. We homeschool so they are not exposed to the heavy peer pressure to "get laid" as other kids their age are (as I was). I think that peer pressure is absolutely the biggest danger insofar as teen sex is concerned. It was in my days as a teen and there ain't nothing new under the Sun today.
  19. kfox75

    kfox75 Well-Known Member Supporter

    Peer pressure is one of the biggest problems we faced, and yes our chidren still face it today. All you can do is teach them right from wrong, and hope they chose the right path when the time comes.

    My daughter, on many occasions, has asked me about some of the things I did when I was younger. I answer her honestly, and try to help her learn from my mistakes. So far she is on the right path, I just hope that she can stay on it, and that if she falls, her mother and I can still help her up and back on to the path. The biggest lesson to learn is that just because others are doing it and blindly following those before them, you following is not necessary. Think before you act, and weigh the risks against the rewards. If the risk is greater, choose a different path. I know,That really contadicts my signature.:rolleyes:
  20. BullseyePrecision

    BullseyePrecision New Member

    Im going to have to print me some of those.