Craigslist person ad

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by texaswoodworker, Sep 5, 2011.

  1. texaswoodworker

    texaswoodworker New Member

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    I saw this on another forum (An actual Craigslist personal ad - by Rick Dennington @ LumberJocks.com ~ woodworking community) and had to post it.

    This is supposedly a real personal ad on craigslist.


    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

    Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

    I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I
    hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
    threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and
    earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important
    message.

    First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to
    actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket..
    The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason..
    my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a
    Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom
    Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder
    holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very
    intimidating weapon when pointed at your head

    ... isn’t it?!

    I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with
    that brown sludge in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking
    bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with
    me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help
    mug us again].

    After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I
    explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up
    my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station,—on
    your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was
    extremely grateful!

    I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with
    all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

    I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at
    the curb …. after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the
    entire driver’s side of the car.

    Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell
    just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little
    over a day now, so what ’s going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in
    two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while
    mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

    The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while
    he traced your number etc.).

    ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … but I feel
    this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your
    threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these
    rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the
    opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you’ve
    chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
    Have a good day!

    Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,

    Alex
     
  2. unclebear

    unclebear New Member

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    dude that is freakin awesome, bastard got we deserved.
     

  3. Sloth88

    Sloth88 New Member

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    Thats awesome right there
     
  4. moonpie

    moonpie New Member

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    so our HERO traumatizes the mamma, vandalizes an innocent car, and ties up local and federal resources with threats of terrorists attacks against elected officials.
     
  5. texaswoodworker

    texaswoodworker New Member

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    Moonpie, I'm pretty sure this was just meant to be a joke. If it was real, I agree that pranking the feds was a bit much. I'm not sure about the pimp mobile. It depends on whether or not the car accually belonged to a pimp.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2011
  6. moonpie

    moonpie New Member

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    are you telling me i can't believe everything i read on the internut?:eek::eek:NOOOOOOO:eek::eek:
     
  7. TimKS

    TimKS Active Member Lifetime Supporter

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    That or very similar posts have been around since before we had troops in Afganistan. It's a good read, but not a true story in it's present form. ;)
     
  8. shadamai

    shadamai New Member

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    Lol...entertaining read. I doubt that anyone would actually admit to all of that so openly, especially about the phone calls; I took it as a story that perhaps had a little truth to it and a lot of fiction ;)
     
  9. texaswoodworker

    texaswoodworker New Member

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    I know, its a shame. I would have won more sweepstakes than I could count if only they were real. : (
     
  10. texaswoodworker

    texaswoodworker New Member

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    Here are some more that really are real.

    Girlfriend says, my lab must go

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Datum: 2011-03-14, 7:04PM EDT

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    New girlfriend is not a fan of my 8 year old lab, and says i need to make a craigslist add to find him a good home.....so here you go honey



    Free to good home

    1 jealous nagging dog hating girlfriend

    make an offer or look in the free section if she keeps it up and gets kicked to the curb

    --


    Free 17' Canoe ** NOT seaworthy**

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Date: 2010-10-02, 7:04PM PDT

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    **NOT SEAWORTHY**

    Great for kids sandbox

    **NOT SEAWORTHY**

    Ideal for Flowerbed

    **NOT SEAWORTHY**

    Cool for decoration

    **NOT SEAWORTHY**

    Cracked outer hull, degraded beyond repair

    **NOT SEAWORTHY**

    Don't put anyone, but your Ex-Wife, in this canoe. It will sink.

    We will help you load it.

    -----

    Free Cello

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Date�: 2010-12-13, 7:32PM PST

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    So my sister gave me this cello a couple years ago. It's a nice cello. Actually, it's a great cello. It's probably the best cello, but I don't really know much about cellos. Also the neck snapped off. Of the cello. So it's really more like 3/4's of a cello, but the other 1/4's still there, it's just not attached. It's kind of like you're getting two cellos, only one of them doesn't have a body and the other doesn't have a neck. But if you stand them up next to each other it's like old times. You could probably fix it with like some music glue or something like that.

    She also gave me a cello bag that I can give to you too, now that I won't have a cello. It's a really nice cello bag. You can fit everything in it. Actually, there might even be a bow in the bag, I'm not sure. I don't want you to think that there's 100% a bow in the bag. It's way over there, I can't check right now. But if it's in there it's yours.

    If you're like me and you don't know how to play the cello then you could use it as a coin bank. It's hollow and there are two S's on the front that you could drop the coins through. Then when it's filled up you could drop it off of your roof or carry it around like a change purse. Ooh, in the cello bag. It'd be like a cello purse. I'd do it but I'm moving across the country and it won't fit in my car. What else could you do with it. You could saw the front off and use it as a sled. Or give the neck to a baby as like a wizard stick for Christmas. Totally give this cello to someone for Christmas. Or Hanukkah.

    Please come get it. I'm in Echo Park. I'd actually go somewhere to meet you if wherever we're going is a cool place. Like the desert or something.

    I'm 90% certain the bow's in there.



    These were some of my favorites from here (craigslist: best-of-craigslist) The list of them is so long, I didn't even make it half way down the first page.

    P.S. Don't read the first one unless you don't mind a lot of cursing.
     
  11. Boyerracing343

    Boyerracing343 New Member Supporter

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  12. CGO

    CGO New Member

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    OMG!!! Some people are just soooo stupid.
    Maverick, I LMAO reading that.
     
  13. texaswoodworker

    texaswoodworker New Member

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  14. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    Yes, you can believe everything you read on the internet. I do. ;)
     
  15. boatme98

    boatme98 New Member

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    Just some b.s. that's been around forever.