Cheer up, a blond joke!

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by IGETEVEN, Jun 30, 2009.

  1. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

    Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

    The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

    Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

    She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

    He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

    "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

    He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh...........

    "Now, let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
     
  2. opaww

    opaww New Member

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  3. orangello

    orangello New Member

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  4. Jo da Plumbr

    Jo da Plumbr New Member

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    I thought I'd heard them all. Very funny.
     
  5. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    I'm laughing here at the office, but when I get home, I will have to condemn this joke in the interest of my own well being. :p

    JD
     
  6. Jo da Plumbr

    Jo da Plumbr New Member

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    Puzzy


    .................................................................
     
  7. Dillinger

    Dillinger New Member

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    True.

    But, Ah, bro - My woman sent me to Valhalla for Christmas one year and then took a 4 hour training class herself while we were there. She's pretty good with that 1911 of hers and I have grown accustomed to having all my parts MINUS any sucking chest wounds. :eek:
     
  8. p11shooter

    p11shooter New Member

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    Ok, A group of women were taking a tour of Paris on a double decker bus. On the underside of the bus was a group of brunnetes on the top a group of blondes. Now the brunnetes were having the best time laughing and carrying on when one of them said " hey we havn't heard anything from the group up top." So she goes to check on them only to find that all of them are clutching their chairs with a look of horror on thier face. The brunnete says whats the matter with all of you we're having a great time down there. One of the blondes yells sure but you have someone driving you!
     
  9. orangello

    orangello New Member

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    I always laugh at the blonde jokes; i have three sisters, two blondes & a Phd. (seriously)
     
  10. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Same boat here, three blond sisters and a blond wife with a Phd. I will not go into what her occupation is and who she works for. :p
     
  11. pioneer461

    pioneer461 New Member

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    A blond woman was driving along the interstate in her Lexus, tooling along at about 80 MPH in a 65 MPH zone. She was stopped by a blond female state trooper.

    "May I see your driver's license?" asks the trooper.

    "Can you tell me what one looks like?" responds the driver.

    "It's a rectangle with your picture on it, and is normally kept in your purse", says the trooper while rolling her eyes in disbelief.

    After about 5 minutes of searching her purse, the driver says, "I think I found it" and handed it to the trooper.

    After a brief examination, the trooper hands the driver back her makeup mirror and says; "Since you're a state trooper too, I'll just give you a warning."

    [​IMG]
     
  12. hunter Joe

    hunter Joe New Member

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    Blonde driving down a country road when she spots another blonde in the middle of a field rowing a boat. She pulls her car to the side of the road, gets out, and shouts, don't you know your giving us blondes a bad name and if I could swim I'd come out there and kick your a$$.
     
  13. zhuk

    zhuk New Member

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    On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

    The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

    "That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

    After pondering his answer, he asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

    _________________


    A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

    "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

    She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

    The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"

    She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

    "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."


    lol


    And I say this as a blonde myself :p

    [although my hair has got much darker over the years, might be approaching honorary brunette status :D]
     
  14. easterner123

    easterner123 New Member

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    Hunters

    Alright this one is a bit corny so bear with me.

    There are three girls in a camp, a blonde a brunette and a redhead. The redhead goes out hunting one day and comes back with a deer. The blonde asks "How'd you get the deer?" The redhead replies "followed the tracks, then boom shot the deer." The next day the brunette comes back and she has a deer. The blonde asks the same question and gets the same answer. So finally, the blonde goes out. She doesn't come back to camp. Later, the girls find her in a hospital. When they asked her what happened the blonde replied "I followed the tracks and boom, got hit by a train" :p

    What does a blonde say when she walks into a bar?
    Ow!
     
  15. zhuk

    zhuk New Member

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    one more


    A wife and her blonde husband were trying to sleep, but the next door neighbor's dog was barking. This had been going on for months. Every night, the dog barked for hours, robbing them of sleep.

    Finally, the blonde says, "I've had enough. I'm going to do something about this." So he gets up, puts on his robe and goes down stairs and out the back door. A little while later, he comes back.

    "What did you do? The dog's still barking," asks the wife.

    "I put the dog in our back yard. Let's see how they like it."
     
  16. mrm14

    mrm14 Active Member

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    What do you get when you turn a blonde on her head?



    A brunett with bad breath.
     
  17. Gojubrian

    Gojubrian New Member

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    ROFL!!!!

    A blonde was down at the river looking across at a party going on. She spots another blonde on the other side and hollers, "Hey! How do I get to the other side." The other blonde yells back, "You are!!"
     
  18. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    And still another blond joke...........

    A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer,
    decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

    She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if
    he had any odd jobs for her to do.

    "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How
    much will you charge me?"

    Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

    The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she
    would need were in the garage.

    The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does
    she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

    He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

    The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all
    those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

    Later that day, the blond
    came to the door to collect her money.

    "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

    "Yes," the blond replied, "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it
    two coats."

    Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

    "And by the way," the blond added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus!"
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2009
  19. hunter Joe

    hunter Joe New Member

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    What do you call eight blondes standing in a circle? Dope Ring!
     
  20. TazKristi

    TazKristi New Member

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    I'm impressed, there's a few here that I haven't heard. And as a blonde, I've heard a lot of blonde jokes.

    Here's one of my favorites...

    Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

    A: One. The rest are all true stories.