Because I'm a man....

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by IGETEVEN, Oct 27, 2010.

  1. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

    8,358
    4
    0
    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I WILL win.
    ______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and fart, as a form of holy communion.
    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I know, these are the same thing.
    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, guns, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwords...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2010, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest......Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.


    This has been a public service message and a somewhat feeble attempt to help women to better understand men.

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fj4vLZJhNEk"]YouTube - Rodney Carrington - The Man Song[/ame]
     
  2. Glasshartt

    Glasshartt New Member

    1,893
    0
    0
    I am man, hear me roar????????
     

  3. AusLach

    AusLach New Member

    1,553
    0
    0
    Because I'm a man, I will press the button on the remote harder even when i KNOW the batteries are dead.
     
  4. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member

    21,447
    562
    113
    Advice from the Red Green Show- starting with the Possum Lodge motto: "Quando omni flunkus moritati" (Pseudo-Latin for "When all else fails, play dead"). From season six onward, this was often followed by the Man's Prayer: "I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess." In the final episode of the series, a revised version of the prayer was said: "I'm a man, but I changed, because I had to. Oh well." In one episode, women take over Possum Lodge and change the prayer to "I am woman, hear me roar. I'm in charge, get over it".
     
  5. doctherock

    doctherock New Member

    5,132
    1
    0
  6. DrumJunkie

    DrumJunkie New Member

    4,823
    0
    0
    Because I'm a man I will use a really expensive power tool to put a screw in to hang some doodad you picked up at a yard sale for $2.35. I wont think it's cute and will want to aid in the mysterious dissapearance of this item. But I wont do it because of the last time. I can still feel that bump on my head.
     
  7. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

    19,847
    3
    0
    I will say and do anything I damn well please!

    In my mind.
     
  8. lonyaeger

    lonyaeger New Member

    10,270
    1
    0
    Funny as hell, Jack! :D
     
  9. SecPro

    SecPro New Member

    193
    0
    0
    Until the wife comes home!!:D:(
     
  10. Mandy

    Mandy New Member

    392
    0
    0
    Because I'm a Man, if I say it fits, then it fits. :rolleyes:
     
  11. Maverick

    Maverick Member

    305
    0
    16
    Because I'm a man!!............ Need I say more?
     
  12. Mandy

    Mandy New Member

    392
    0
    0
    Because I'm a Man, do as I say, not as I do.....:eek:
     
  13. Gojubrian

    Gojubrian New Member

    6,262
    5
    0
    Because I'm a man, a plate and a baking dish will accidentally be broken every time it's "my turn to do the dishes."
     
  14. amoroque

    amoroque New Member

    1,229
    0
    0
    Because I'm a man, I'll walk 30 feet to take a leak on the fence even though the bathroom was only 10 feet away.
     
  15. Jpyle

    Jpyle New Member

    4,828
    0
    0
    Because I'm a man I thought this was funny...the wife, not so much...
     
  16. notdku

    notdku Administrator Staff Member

    6,288
    9
    38
    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, guns, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

    But yet when you answer sex you get weird look. What's up with that?
     
  17. gatopardo

    gatopardo New Member

    360
    0
    0
    Because I'm a man I say it glows 12 hours:cool:
    [​IMG]no matter what NGIB says!
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2010
  18. Jpyle

    Jpyle New Member

    4,828
    0
    0
    Don't care who you are that there's funny...:D
     
  19. lonyaeger

    lonyaeger New Member

    10,270
    1
    0
    Because I'm a man, I've always dated women with small hands.
     
  20. jca1

    jca1 New Member

    1,405
    0
    0
    Because I'm a man, the extra pee that gets on the floor is a worthy sacrifice for getting better distance and making funny splash designs and playing games like: wash down the doodie remnant stuck to the bowl and sink the paper.