Australian Wildlife...............the shocking truth

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by hairbear1, Dec 10, 2019.

  1. hairbear1

    hairbear1 Well-Known Member

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    Ok you Yanks over a period of time I've tried to hide the fact that in Australia the wildlife isn't as bad a it's reported by the media and those who've come across some of our more notorious critters but in a new book just released all has been revealed o I'm coming clean and admitting that we do have a lot of critters that are of questionable attitudes towards the human race.

    There's a book that's just been released here that uncovers the shocking facts written by 1 of the members on the hunting forum I'm a member of here in Australia(Robert Greenburg) and it's called "Australian Wildlife............the shocking truth.''

    Here's an excerpt from the book which explains in detail what some of our "adorable' critters are actually like,

    "
    The Echidna
    Slow with a clumsy waddling gate and no bigger than a house cat and nowhere near as aggressive or as spectacular as the mighty Platypuses, the Echidna is nonetheless the most feared of all Monotremes due to its highly unpleasant feeding and breeding habits.
    The Echidna is a stealthy and cautious predator that comes armed with an acute sense of smell and a fearsome array of sharp, toxic quills that it is capable of propelling to about 5 metres. The quills themselves are nonlethal but the toxin they carry contains a remarkably strong anaesthetic that can sedate a victim for a day or more. After sedation, the Echidna will then nonchalantly shamble up to its fallen prey and delicately chew a small hole through the victim’s nasal passage or ear canal with its long snout. Once a sufficiently sized hole is dug, the Echidna will then use its lengthy tongue to suck out the victim’s nutrient rich brain.
    In the mating season, this feeding habit changes with the Echidna carefully depositing a single small egg while leaving the brain intact. If the host regains consciousness, the mother will simply launch a few more quills to quiet them down again.
    After a few days, the larval echidna (known as a Puggle) will hatch and chew its way out of the host where it will then be transferred to the safety of the mother’s pouch and remain for several weeks until it is ready to fend for itself.

    The Paper Wasp
    The average Australian Paper Wasp has a wing span of up to 30cm and are capable of carrying off small cats and dogs to feed their young.
    Although an aggressive and frightening looking insect with a vicious sting, they are highly susceptible to any common household insecticide or Tennis racket…"
     
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  2. primer1

    primer1 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    There might be an Echidna population explosion at the Democratic national headquarters here in the states. It would explain a lot.
     
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  3. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Lifetime Supporter

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    Australia- where the women are beautiful, the beer is lovely, your drinking companions are fair dinkum, and a house mouse can rip the door off your truck and drag you off into the wilderness.
     
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  4. hairbear1

    hairbear1 Well-Known Member

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    That's how we roll bro.........:D
     
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  5. F4U

    F4U Well-Known Member Supporter

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    My uncle went to Australia on R&R when he was in Vietnam, he used to tell us kids (especially if his wife was within earshot) that every woman in the country looked like Olivia Newton John.:D:D
     
  6. hairbear1

    hairbear1 Well-Known Member

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    There's women here a hell of a lot prettier than Olivia and like any other country we also have our fair share of those who look astounding after 2am.:D
     
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  7. Gatoragn

    Gatoragn Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Kasey Chambers can rock it!
     
  8. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Lifetime Supporter

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    Ummm- lesson in timekeeping- they ALL look amazing after 2 AM. It is that magical time known as beer thirty.
     
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  9. JTJ

    JTJ Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Supposedly I had a shirt tail relative that migrated to Australia courtesy of the Crown. I think it was migrate or be the guest of honor at a hanging.
     
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  10. hairbear1

    hairbear1 Well-Known Member

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    I think you'll find that there's a lot of relatives of Australians that had a choice of doing bungee jumping off a short rope or do a one way ocean voyage to a relatively new tourist resort in a place called New Holland later renamed Australia.
    It's probably a reason why a lot of Aussies hate authority to a degree and anybody who is of Pommy decent.:D
     
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  11. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Lifetime Supporter

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    Old story- classical Texan steps off the plane in Sydney- Boots, a $400 Stetson, Western cut suit, ambles up to the customs Officer, says Howdy.

    Customs: Welcome to Australia. What is the purpose of your visit?

    Texan: Heard a lot about the cattle ranches here. Thought I'd come take a look. If I like it, I might buy me a couple and come stay here a spell.

    Customs: I see. We do have a few questions. Do you have a criminal record?

    Texan: (long pause) I didn't know y'all still required that.
     
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